ataraxion | fourth molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text )

[ there's a part of lydia that wonders if this is stupid. if that after her last foray ( god, why did so many people care about her problem with peter ) with anonymous text and her problems and the network that maybe this was uncalled for, maybe she should just come clean and be herself and ask everyone if they were having problems like this. except, this is just as damning, isn't it? little miss lydia martin thinks killing peter hale will solve all her problems just like she thought doing what he wanted would solve them and yet, here she was, still sleep walking, still with nightmares and still— finding her mind in pieces she didn't know were still broken. ( they shouldn't have been why were they. ) she just wants to be normal again, she just wants to feel normal again. not like whatever this is. ]

When you get gangrene the treatment is to cut off the portion effected in order to try and save the rest of the tissue. Sometimes you have to amputate things, but that's not always what happens. You think that cutting it away is supposed to help. And it does sometimes. Other times you die anyway despite the efforts and it's bullshit.

That's morbid and— I shouldn't have started off with that. Whatever, you think something will make everything right again and then surprise the joke's on you, you still feel like a mess and it's— that's still not the point and is maudlin in ways that I don't do. I'm not even that intoxicated to justify it.

Original point of this, so you don't start laughing at the anonymous freak who can't shut up and get to the point. Has anyone been having sleeping related problems? I don't mean nightmares, because of course you're going to have nightmares here unless you're some person who thinks this is a walk in the park. But, sure, tell me about you special ones that aren't just consequences of the ship. What I mean is sleep walking. Waking up in places you don't remember falling asleep in. And I guess maybe another aspect of that is— have you had black out moments here. Where you're in one place, and then in another but you don't know how you got there. And if someone were to ask you, you couldn't answer what happened. You just were in one place and then suddenly you were in another and you don't remember even walking or running or whatever there.

God, I sound like a crazy person asking this. This is why I did this anonymously. No one wants to talk to a person after they sound crazy like this and I like talking to people for the most part. I don't feel like being shunned like that.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ lydia shouldn't turn it on to the voice setting, she knows it's probably not a wise choice, but it seems right given everything else. and if her voice sounds scratchy and a little rough, that's her own business. ]

I knew I should have locked this from Beacon Hills. I kind of hoped you'd all ignore it because it was some anonymous person whining about their problems. [ a beat. ] I'm not a dumbass. I'm— a realist.

[ and lbr here, lydia still isn't sure if that's a good or a bad thing right now. ]

Derek told me to pick someone who needs you alive to lock me up at night. While the prison thing may have allure with him— not exactly mine.

Derek's a dick.

[ is stiles' opinion of that plan. ]

You're not a werewolf, you don't need to be locked up. But maybe you should get a roomie. You know, just while you work out how to fix this for good, because if anyone can, Lydia, it's you.

And at home the sky is blue, water is wet and it runs in his family.

[ no really, show her a non-dick hale. ]

Crazy people get locked up. Insane asylums. Not the same thing, because I'm not crazy, but technically being a werewolf is not a requisite. [ stiles says roomie and lydia is faintly reminded of when he had offered once upon a time when peter had first gotten here before she sighs. ] I sometimes sleep in Buffy's room. I could theoretically drag her down here.

[ a beat. ] I thought already did.

[ stiles doesn't want to think of lydia in an insane asylum, so he's skipping over that particular pedantic correction. derek suggested locking because he's a wolf and that's his dumbass solution. concepts of jails and asylums probably didn't register in the same visceral way. instead he focuses on what they can do. ]

Yes. Girly sleepover. I totally approve.

[ and not for the skeevy reasons, either. he's nodding. ]

And I bet any of the werewolves—

[ well, scott. maybe derek if she pressed. ]

— Would agree to come be your next door neighbor just to keep an ear out.

We might even have a pillow fight in our underwear.

[ sorry stiles, it was just there and diffusing this entire thing with that almost feels like something she needs to do. ]

And come running when I walked out? Assuming I got past her.

Yes. Yes. That is definitely — yep.

[ he doesn't even have a coherent response to that, just shaky laughter, thank you for that mental image lydia. ]

Come running if whatever. Probably don't pick Derek, he's jumpy, but knowing there's a werewolf five feet away who's got your back is really, really reassuring.

[ which is why he lives with scott. well, that and their epic broship. ]

Did I finally figure out a surefire way to get you to stop talking?

[ she's teasing, mostly. but you're welcome, stiles. you're so very welcome. ]

Derek would require me actually dragging him on Prada's leash. I'm not even— if I get desperate he'll be the one to call. [ no that would be isaac, but details. ] Erica might work. She likes me enough. There is something nice about having a werewolf or other supernatural creature/person watching your back.

There are plenty of ways to get me to stop talking.

[ wow and he immediately wishes he. hadn't said that. wow. wow. can they go back to text, please? ]

Yes. Yes. You and Erica and Buffy can watch each other's backs, that's very badass. And if you want anyone to talk to. About stuff. You know, whatever. I'm not, like, Jenna or Ms Morell but I could listen. Quietly, even.

Did you really just say that?

[ stiles you brought this on yourself and lydia is trying really hard not to laugh because honey no. ]

And not tell anyone what I'm saying? Because as much as I believe in sharing is caring, Jenna and Ms. Morell technically have confidentiality agreements covering them.

[ stiles is going to pretend that in fact he didn't really just say that. ]

I wouldn't tell anyone. Not even Scott.

[ she's going to remember this forever, stiles. sucks to be you. ]

Let me think about it. Is that okay?

Of course, yeah.

[ he seems a little bemused, like maybe he's more used to hearing a no from her. about pretty much everything. but things are different, here, circumstances are different. ]

Whatever you want. You've got my number.

[ she thought about the no. the no she knows is supposed to be her usual. ( isn't that what she wants, to go back to complete normalcy? ) the problem was that things are different here, they're always going to be different than home.

you have to adjust. ]

I do. [ there's a pause. ] Thanks. I appreciate it.

[ somewhere hidden deep within that comment is i've missed having someone from home to talk to like this with undertones of just missing her best friend. but she won't say any of that. ]

fourth molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text )

and suddenly unanon and voice

voice also then!!

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