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[ Time to reach out and touch people on a mass scale. Not that he didn't appreciate the one-on-ones, everyone. Also screw you Caffrey, he's been waiting all month for this!! ]

hello fellow passengers youre welcome for fixing the network so lets all say hello then, go ahead and tell me a bit about yourselves and if youre feeling shy just remember that ive already seen most of you naked and to those of you who wear underwear in your pods, first of all, no cheating second of all soggy pants hide nothing and besides its probably best to get as much air as possible down there, who knows what sorts of weird stis you can get from space jelly if you let it incubate basically all im saying is if theres an outbreak of the space thrush well all know you pants wearing bastards are to blame

[ He's not entirely sure if thrush is contagious, actually, but point made. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

yes but how do you wash yourself and flush the toilet do you even know what a toilet is have you been shitting in the gardens and what do you mean by yourself has someone helped you do a video

with soap and water. and i figured it out.

dog's not supposed to drink out of it, right?

i can do it if someone else did it first

thats what they always say but as far as i can see its not hurting them to have a bit of piss in their water and if they like it hows it our business to tell them no so youre saying if i did video you could do video do you want to do video

theyve probably had worse in their mouths

[ what just happened to this conversation ]

dont care much either way

[ a moment of serious consideration as to what other terrible things dogs put in their mouths, and then hello have a video ]

What did you feed him before? Did he go hunting rabbits. You know I think I've seen some chickens in the gardens, maybe you should have him eat them.

[ Oh. Hi Nathan. ]

Sure he did, before I had him. I just fed him scraps, mostly.

My horse is staying near 'em. I'd rather not deal with whoever owns them.

But couldn't you just gun them down like in the western films.

[ Yes please start gunfights over chickens. ]

Could. Not worth it if I want to keep my horse in there, and I think it's a woman.

Well that's very sexist of you. You should be an equal opportunity murderer, you're in the future now.

Not going to steal a woman's chickens unless I don't have another choice, Nathan.

I thought the wild west was meant to be full of gunfights and violence and horse chases. You're a cowboy, shouldn't you be up to your neck in brothels and other unsavory things? Morals and chaps just don't go well together, man.

[ no idea what westerns he's been watching, honestly. ]

Is it an attractive woman?

It can be. Don't think we have a brothel on board, though.

[ Besides, he fell in love with the last prostitute he knew, and then got her killed. ]

Tall blonde.

So I've noticed. [ Not that he was looking for a brothel on a spaceship. ]

Maybe you ought to seduce her instead, then she'll just give you her chickens. I suppose you're attractive in that rugged American way, some ladies go for that.

I don't really want her chickens.

Well then maybe you should.

[ He sounds bizarrely offended and bossy about this topic. ]

What happens if we run out of food in the kitchens? She'll start a chicken monopoly and force us all to do demeaning tasks for a bit of egg. I say we spread the wealth before it comes to that.

Why don't you go and do it, then?

[ You'll survive if she decides to maul you, Nathan. ]

Maybe I will, because unlike some people, I'm not a pussy cowboy.

[ And those two words sound very strange back to back, but oh well, no take-backs. ]

And I won't be sharing any of my eggs with you once I've got those chickens. [ Cue dramatic exit/hang-up as if he has actually said something remotely significant. ]

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