TEXT || CITE 01 ALTERNIA CODE § 001

[pythianjudgment]

WOW 1SNT TH1S OR1G1N4L
1 4M ON 4 SP4C3 ST4T1ON
3V3RYBODY LOOK 4T M3
SOM3TH1NG SOM3TH1NG
T4K3 4 GOOD H4RD LOOK 4T TH3 MOTH3RFUCK1NG SP4C3 ST4T1ON

WHOOP WHOOP 1 4M NOW 4 COLOSS4L TOOL
M4Y 1 JOIN YOUR SP4C3 R4NKS?
1 FUCK1NG LOV3 SP4C3

NO S3R1OUSLY 1S TH3R3 4N 3X1T OFF TH1S TH1NG?
1V3 B33N H3R3 FOR 4LL OF F1V3 M1NUT3S 4ND 1 4M 4LR34DY DON3
K33P YOUR SOUV3N13R SH1RTS 1 DONT W4NT YOUR H4TS
TROLL MCGUYV3R M3 4 SP4C3 SU1T FROM 4 SNORK3L M4SK 4ND 4N 1NFL4T4BL3 BODYSU1T
4ND 1LL FLO4T MY W4Y B4CK TO R34L C1V1L1Z4T1ON
1M SO OUTT13

Comments

[realslimstrider]

dude there is no exit
well not one that we can go yeah im outie on this heap of ship
but good try
read through the info dump yet or are you not in the mood for it

[pythianjudgment]

DO 1 R34LLY N33D TO >:?

W41T L3T M3 G1V3 TH1S 4 GO

CONGR4TUL4T1ONS!!!
YOU H4V3 B33N S3L3CT3D FROM YOUR HOM3 D1M3NS1ON
4ND BROUGHT TO TH1S R4NDOM LOC4T1ON 1N SP4C3
TH3R3 1S NO W4Y TO G3T HOM3
4ND YOU MUST NOW L1V3 1N CLOS3 PROX1M1TY W1TH 4 BUNCH OF 4SSHOL3S TH4T YOU M4Y 4ND M4Y NOT KNOW!
SOM3T1M3S BOTH!!!
T3MPOR4L SH3N4N1G4NS 4R3 4LSO 4 FOOT
SO 1F SOM3ON3 SHOWS UP 4ND S4YS TH4T TH3Y 4R3 TH3 B1OLOG1C4L OFFSPR1NG FROM YOUR LO1NS 1N TH3 FUTUR3
PL34S3 TRY YOUR H4RD3ST NOT TO ST4B TH3M 4ND TH31R SUPPOS3DLY LY1NG F4C3

D1D 1 M1SS 4NYTH1NG 3SS3NT14L?

[realslimstrider]

wait what
future what
back the fuck up and explain that one

[pythianjudgment]

SORRY TO 1NFORM YOU MY SW33T CONF3CT1ON4RY D3L1GHT
BUT TROLL B4SK1N ROB1NS JUST 4DD3D 4 N3W FL4VOR
OR4NG3 CR34MS1CKL3 M1NT >;]



OR YOU KNOW
TH4T COULD H4V3 B33N HYPOTH3T1C4L
DHURRR >:/

[realslimstrider]

you seriously know how to give a bird a heart attack
thats an unfunny joke
how would it even work anyway
i mean sure here im packing in my pants but out there n o p e
you know what
lets
skip this line of reasoning

you sort of got it
there some particulars though
for one shit gets nerfed im not all wonderous sprite anymore
two watch out for a dude who types in red like my rad alpha self but uses emotes like this
:)
and so on
with me so far

[pythianjudgment]

W41T WHY?

4NYON3 WHO 3NSCONC3S H1MS3LF 1N D3L1C1OUS C4NDY THRO3S SHOULD B3 COMPL3T3LY L3G1T >:/

[realslimstrider]

trot over here

[pythianjudgment]

1F 1 R3FR41N3D FROM 3V3R COMMUN1C4T1NG W1TH SUSP1C1OUS P3RSONS
1 N3V3R WOULD H4V3 M3T YOU 4SSHOL3S

YOUR PO1NT 1S 1NV4L1D

[realslimstrider]

your point was made
the file i offered tells you all the shit about this place
anyway like the others said
you said youve dealt with this before
are there seriously other places doing the same damn shit
i didnt think anyone was that fucking bored

[pythianjudgment]

SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T >:/
YOUD B3 SURPR1S3D 4T HOW UNOR1G1N4L TH3 SP4C3 4BDUCT1ON TH3M3 1S

TH1S 1S MY TH1RD CRU1S3 4BO4RD TH3 SS NOR3TURN
1 R34LLY HOP3 1TS NOTH1NG L1K3 TH3 OTH3R TWO
FOR YOUR S4K3S

[realslimstrider]

if its not too much
what exactly where these places like
ill tell you if theyre anything like here

[pythianjudgment]

NOP3!
TH4T 1S CL4SS1F13D 1NFORM4T1ON
STR1CTLY 4 N33D TO KNOW B4S1S
YOU UND3RST4ND >:]

[realslimstrider]

wow fine
ill keep all my spritely wisdom to myself then
lock that shit up tight
throw away the key because that isnt needed anymore

[mostsuitable]

Hold up.
Something's telling me that statement isn't entirely hypothetical.
Actually, it sounds like you've already been through some kind of similar trapped in space bullshit before.
Also, am I right in assuming you have this thing for orange birdbros with built-in flashlights?
Like, is he a thing that you find magically delicious?

[pythianjudgment]

TH3 FUTUR3 LO1N OFFSPR1NG W3R3 HYPOTH3T1C4L
TH3 4BSTR4CT FOR TH3 SP4C3 4BDUCT1ON OLYMP14D W4SNT

W41T
4M 1 CONV3RS1NG W1TH TWO D4V3B1RDS 4T TH3 S4M3 T1M3 >:?
4M 1 1MM3RS3D 1N 4 FLOCK OF D4V3S?

[tg]

do you want to be
cause we can arrange for that

[pythianjudgment]

WOW
YOU KNOW
1N 4LL TH3 T1M3 1 L4BOROUSLY SP3NT ST33R1NG YOU THROUGH TH3 HURDL3S OF TH3 LOH4C 3XCH4NG3
1 N3V3R D1D 1M4G1N3D TH3 B3N3F1TS TO H4V1NG TH1RT33N D4V3S


1 4M TH3 WORST 4L13N GU1D3 3V3R

[tg]

haha sucks right
imagine thirteen daves sitting in vats of boiling water crying sweet sweet onion tears
endless cycles of davecestual orgies singlehandedly choreographed by yours truly
and you were too slow on the uptake to take advantage of that once in a lifetime opportunity
yeah you really are the worst alien guide ever why do i even keep you around

[pythianjudgment]

OBV1OUSLY FOR MY S1NGUL4R 4RT1ST1C SK1LLS
W1THOUT WH1CH YOU WOULD ST1LL B3 SCR4P1NG TH3 BOTTOM OF YOUR POT3NT14L B4RR3L >:P

CL34RLY YOU N33D TO M4K3 TH1S UP TO M3 PRONTO
YOU C4N ST4RT BY BU1LD1NG M3 4 P4L4NQU1N M4D3 OF COOLK1DS
SO TH4T 1 C4N R1D3 1N STYL3 >8]

[tg]

hey speaking of those artistic skills of yours
i got chalk
three boxes full
hopefully they will make up for the fact that theres a grand total of three coolkids on this godforsaken ship
so your palanquin will kind of resemble a camel with hemorrhoids

[mostsuitable]

[ Jesus, bro has got it goin' on. ]

Wait, I'm gonna be on the palanquin, too?
Fuck, bro. I'm not a Dave.

[tg]

you can be an honorary dave for however long it takes to haul her minty ass around the ship
youll thank me later

[pythianjudgment]

1 W1LL T4K3 YOU UP ON TH4T C4M3L OFF3R
NO T4K3S13S B4CKS13S

YOUR TR1BUT3S W1LL 4LSO B3 GR4C1OUSLY 4CC3PT3D


4LSO 1 4M G3TT1NG TH3 F33L1NG TH4T 1 4M TR4PP3D 1N 4 HORR1BL3 D4YM4R3
WH3R3 1 H4V3 TWO 1D3NT1C4L OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S
ON3 FROM TH3 BON3F1D3 OR1G1N4L M4G1C M4K3RS OF TH3 D3SS3RT 1NDUSTRY
4ND 4NOTH3R FROM 4 BR4ND OF 1NS1D1OUS F4K3Y F4K3S
1 C4NT T3LL WH1CH 1S WH1CH
TH3 HORROR MOUNTS
1 W4K3 UP SCR34M1NG

BUT S3R1OUSLY
WHOS TH1S DOUCH3B4G?
4ND WHY 1S H3 NOT 4 D4V3?

[tg]

let me guess
its the capitalization and punctuation
theyre throwing you off
keep on licking eventually you will come to the realization that
one of these things is not like the others
one of these things is the other things brother

terezi meet dirk
hes an asshole but thats because his last name is strider

dirk meet terezi
shes an asshole but thats because some things youre born with

play nice

[mostsuitable]

For the record, just because I'm not Dave doesn't mean I'm a fakey fake.
100% authentic Strider, no additives or preservatives, and wholly imperative to a well-balanced diet.
It's me, Dirk Strider.
And it just so happens that I'm like an actual demonstration of that hypothetical future loin offspring that you'd mentioned earlier.
Minus the loins because they started regulating that shit years ago.
Anyway, sup. Guess I'm cool with you if that's how the Dave duo rolls.
Which looks exactly like something they do.
Works for me.