voice + text | 005

[handelaar]

[If it sounds like he's rattling off meeting notes… it's because that's exactly what he's doing. Sort of. He doesn't keep to the script too well. But the last time he did the PSA for the Gardens he was a dick, apparently, and not being a dick is important (apparently), so this time he's written it all out beforehand. Hey, he tried.]

Couple-a things about the Gardens.

One: If you want something specific from 'em, place an order here.

{attachment: Order Form.}

As soon as we have it, we can take it up to the specified passenger deck. Saves you time, saves us a huge goddamn headache when we go for somethin' and it's not there. There's also a sheet by the Garden entrance, so use it. Especially if ya want potatoes. [GLaDOS.]

Two: If you pick your own stuff, fill out that form too. Inventory.

Three: If y'don't want to deal with us and want your own plot, we got a section for that. Or you can grow it on the upper levels if you like dirt. Not our fault if somethin' happens to it, though. [A pause.] Not our fault if somethin' happens to it anyway. We're not security.

Four: Tell us if you throw your animal in here, before you throw your animal in here. It ain't a farm. We're not petsitters, either.

Five: Don't smoke near the chemicals. Or the filtration systems. Or the scrubbers. An' if you smoke filtered cigarettes, don't leave the butts on the ground.

Six: There's a few of us workin' down here. If you have questions, ask.

{attachment: AGR Staff Sheet.}

Seven: That list is a sign-up sheet too. Could use the help. And uh. We're not all assholes. One-a you nice ones should do the announcement, next time.




[So yeah. GO TEAM.]

Comments

[handelaar]

Mm. It's like tryin' to police community gardens, back home. Can't, unless you catch 'em in the act.

[angerissues]

I didn't know you did this kind of work back home.

[handelaar]

I was farming before - [there's a pause, because he figures "three field crop rotation" won't mean a thing to Mason] - since the middle ages.

[angerissues]

Seriously? [ Mason doesn't really know if he can believe that or not. Of course, the middle ages could've been three years ago for him. ] How long ago was that?

[handelaar]

Mm. Thousand years ago. For me.

[angerissues]

And you've been doing farming ever since? [ Real question: what are you? ]

[handelaar]

No. Was a trade empire for a while.

[And he'll just. Conveniently skip over French and German occupations.]

[angerissues]

...let me get this straight: you're telling me you're actually the country Netherlands? That's not just a nickname? [ Or a really awful name. ]

[handelaar]

[Without missing a beat or sounding anything but bored:]

Yeah. Me an' Russia got here second jump.

[angerissues]

How is that possible?

[handelaar]

Dunno. 'Least I'm from Earth.

[angerissues]

[ Mason's head hurts. ] That's definitely an upside.

[handelaar]

Mm.

[Verbal equivalent to a shrug, but then he has a question of his own because at this point it's bugging him how often this crops up:]

Why the hell do people think it's weird. Ain't just you. [Huff.] We all got yanked onto a goddamn spaceship with - robots an' gray alien kids.

[angerissues]

Gray alien kids? [ Not the point, Mason. Not the point. ] I'm guessing it's because people have heard stories about other things existing - like aliens and werewolves or whatever - but the idea that a country could be a person... I don't know. I guess it's just hard to wrap our heads around, seeing as how we live in some of you.

[ That sounded weird. ]

[handelaar]

Yeah. Type all annoyin'.

[He could say more, but words are hard.

And then he thinks on that.

And thinks on it.

And thinks a little more. Really, Mason might think he'd just cut off the feed.]

You're American, then.

[ABRUPT SUBJECT CHANGE, AHOY.]

[angerissues]

[ Oh, yeah, Mason's seen those text posts. He tends to ignore them because the colors and quirks drive him insane.

And he really does think Netherlands hung up, so that last part sort of surprises him. ]

...yeah, I'm from Virginia.

[handelaar]

America's a pain in the ass. [But that's just an obligatory gripe, and he's off to the real subject soon enough.] Can find 'im if you go back. In the network. [Though his tone screams all kinds of "don't bother with it".]

Said that... [He waffles on what to say next.] Just wonderin' how different it is. In your world, I guess.

[Though he has in no way zero'd in on wolfsbane, at all, he hasn't found anyone here that's from Earth and came from somewhere normal. So that's a concern.]

[angerissues]

[ He lets out an amused huff at that first part since he knows a lot of people in other countries feel that way about Americans, so finding out the countries themselves feel that way about one another... ]

Countries aren't alive, that's for damn sure. Other than that? It depends on what you consider different.

[handelaar]

Might not be. We ain't really allowed to - not common knowledge.

[... what he considers different? When he thinks about it, and then thinks about what he just said, well hell. Who knows what's normal and what isn't. So, grudgingly - ]

Point.

[angerissues]

[ If they somehow are, Mason prefers not knowing. ]

Hell, for all we know, this place is pretty goddamn tame compared to some peoples version of normal.