voice + text | 005

[handelaar]

[If it sounds like he's rattling off meeting notes… it's because that's exactly what he's doing. Sort of. He doesn't keep to the script too well. But the last time he did the PSA for the Gardens he was a dick, apparently, and not being a dick is important (apparently), so this time he's written it all out beforehand. Hey, he tried.]

Couple-a things about the Gardens.

One: If you want something specific from 'em, place an order here.

{attachment: Order Form.}

As soon as we have it, we can take it up to the specified passenger deck. Saves you time, saves us a huge goddamn headache when we go for somethin' and it's not there. There's also a sheet by the Garden entrance, so use it. Especially if ya want potatoes. [GLaDOS.]

Two: If you pick your own stuff, fill out that form too. Inventory.

Three: If y'don't want to deal with us and want your own plot, we got a section for that. Or you can grow it on the upper levels if you like dirt. Not our fault if somethin' happens to it, though. [A pause.] Not our fault if somethin' happens to it anyway. We're not security.

Four: Tell us if you throw your animal in here, before you throw your animal in here. It ain't a farm. We're not petsitters, either.

Five: Don't smoke near the chemicals. Or the filtration systems. Or the scrubbers. An' if you smoke filtered cigarettes, don't leave the butts on the ground.

Six: There's a few of us workin' down here. If you have questions, ask.

{attachment: AGR Staff Sheet.}

Seven: That list is a sign-up sheet too. Could use the help. And uh. We're not all assholes. One-a you nice ones should do the announcement, next time.




[So yeah. GO TEAM.]

Comments

[handelaar]

I don't even know what all of it is. There's a lot of shit, kid.

[What is... censoring yourself... ]

You'll find somethin' good. Know how t'get here?

[throwsdown]

[Trust me, Ned. You can't say anything Takeshi probably hasn't heard in his short lifespan. He grew up around gross people.]

I think so. I know how to find the place with all the grass... I like it there.

[a pause.]

Not potatoes, though. I dunno how to cook potatoes. Do you know how to cook potatoes?

[handelaar]

Mm, that's it.

[So that is the sound of him simultaneously running a hand through his hair in frustration and half-laughing, however bitterly.]

Could if I had 'em, kid.

[throwsdown]

Oh... [Poor Ned, he doesn't even understand your pain right now.] But you have other stuff...? If I go, should I grab ones I like, or do should I ask? I don't wanna do it wrong...

[MANNERS. You can't go around grabbing plants and hoping it's edible yet, right??]

[handelaar]

Ton of other shit. Don't even know what half of it is. Think it's all edible...

[He... thinks. It actually is, but he's been unwilling to test it out.]

Uh, yeah. Just fill out the - [... form. Wait. Potential problem here. This kid sounds, well, like a kid.]

How tall are ya?

[throwsdown]

Uhhhh-




Short!

[very short]

[handelaar]

Shorter than a meter?

[throwsdown]

I dunno. What's a meter?

[handelaar]

Ah. A door handle, I guess.

[throwsdown]

Oh! I can get on my tippy toes if its too high. If mom didn't leave the front door opened up a little I did...

[handelaar]

Don't think that'll work. Sign-out sheet's too high. [Oh, right, and] Some of the food, too.

[throwsdown]

Oh. Sign-out... sheet?

I can jump, but... I dunno how to write anything...

[THE SHAAAAME]

[handelaar]

Yeah. Put what ya took out so we know -

[Awww shit, he did not even think of that.]

Right. Damn. Few people here don't...

[throwsdown]

Whu... What if I draw a picture of what I took?? I'll draw one in the book!

1/2

[handelaar]

Ah -


[That. Is the cutest thing.

The cutest.

Fucking.

Thing.]

2/3 I lied

[handelaar]

[But not practical at all.]

Howbout I get someone to rig up a scanner.

[handelaar]

Can still draw pictures of 'em, if you want. On the wall by it.

[Hot damn will he ever clear off a wall nearby, just for cute drawings.]

[throwsdown]

... I won't get in trouble? Nobody's gonna try to hit me on the head, are they?

I don't wanna get in trouble...

[handelaar]

For what?

[throwsdown]

Most people wouldn't like if I drew on the walls...

Sometimes if you do something wrong, some grown-ups hit you hard on the head.

[He's glad he's so strong now. If someone tried that again, he'll be like a hero this time; he won't have to call out for Muscle rider.]

[handelaar]

[... on the head? He sounds pretty incredulous about it.]

No one's gonna hit you for drawin' on a wall made for drawin' on.




'Less you hit them first, I guess.

[Uitgezonderd. Good word.]

[throwsdown]

I don't hit people unless they try to hit me first! I'm lots stronger now, so I can handle it this time... I like to be good.

[and moral and stuff]

Will you draw with me?

[handelaar]

[What does he even do with all of that first part, normally he'd just pat the kid on the head and nod, or something. Uh. Moving on to sensible subjects (like drawing) it is.]

When I ain't working, yeah.

[throwsdown]

[What!! Self-defense is totally a normal conversation subject for kids! >:^T

Dad says so.]

C-cool. I'm gonna come see the food there! I think it's this way...

[ADVENTURE]

[handelaar]

I'll be at the doors.

[In the meantime he'll be gathering up two bottles from the chemical storage, gloves, some small pails, and an assortment of berries, or at least plants that look like berries. All he has down here to draw with is charcoal - as much as he despises messes, kids and charcoal won't end in clean anything. Might as well stain their hands with color while they're at it.
And truth be told, he's looking forward to painting up a wall.
It's all loaded up on one of those hovercart things and he's smoking by the door by the time Takeshi arrives.

Christ, what a lunch break.]