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voice + text | 005
[If it sounds like he's rattling off meeting notes… it's because that's exactly what he's doing. Sort of. He doesn't keep to the script too well. But the last time he did the PSA for the Gardens he was a dick, apparently, and not being a dick is important (apparently), so this time he's written it all out beforehand. Hey, he tried.]
Couple-a things about the Gardens.
One: If you want something specific from 'em, place an order here.
{attachment: Order Form.}
As soon as we have it, we can take it up to the specified passenger deck. Saves you time, saves us a huge goddamn headache when we go for somethin' and it's not there. There's also a sheet by the Garden entrance, so use it. Especially if ya want potatoes. [GLaDOS.]
Two: If you pick your own stuff, fill out that form too. Inventory.
Three: If y'don't want to deal with us and want your own plot, we got a section for that. Or you can grow it on the upper levels if you like dirt. Not our fault if somethin' happens to it, though. [A pause.] Not our fault if somethin' happens to it anyway. We're not security.
Four: Tell us if you throw your animal in here, before you throw your animal in here. It ain't a farm. We're not petsitters, either.
Five: Don't smoke near the chemicals. Or the filtration systems. Or the scrubbers. An' if you smoke filtered cigarettes, don't leave the butts on the ground.
Six: There's a few of us workin' down here. If you have questions, ask.
{attachment: AGR Staff Sheet.}
Seven: That list is a sign-up sheet too. Could use the help. And uh. We're not all assholes. One-a you nice ones should do the announcement, next time.
[So yeah. GO TEAM.]
Couple-a things about the Gardens.
One: If you want something specific from 'em, place an order here.
{attachment: Order Form.}
As soon as we have it, we can take it up to the specified passenger deck. Saves you time, saves us a huge goddamn headache when we go for somethin' and it's not there. There's also a sheet by the Garden entrance, so use it. Especially if ya want potatoes. [GLaDOS.]
Two: If you pick your own stuff, fill out that form too. Inventory.
Three: If y'don't want to deal with us and want your own plot, we got a section for that. Or you can grow it on the upper levels if you like dirt. Not our fault if somethin' happens to it, though. [A pause.] Not our fault if somethin' happens to it anyway. We're not security.
Four: Tell us if you throw your animal in here, before you throw your animal in here. It ain't a farm. We're not petsitters, either.
Five: Don't smoke near the chemicals. Or the filtration systems. Or the scrubbers. An' if you smoke filtered cigarettes, don't leave the butts on the ground.
Six: There's a few of us workin' down here. If you have questions, ask.
{attachment: AGR Staff Sheet.}
Seven: That list is a sign-up sheet too. Could use the help. And uh. We're not all assholes. One-a you nice ones should do the announcement, next time.
[So yeah. GO TEAM.]
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Still, he manages to look slightly offended.]
Met enough religious idiots who thought they were. Same thing.
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[Pretending to be subtle about scoping out the science department, no big deal.]
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She took my potatoes.
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[Coming to that conclusion was fun. If he'd known that, he would have thrown potatoes at her instead of the broken turret.]
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Wat
How]
How? Uh. You're okay, though. Now.
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[He raises a brow, all "spit it out kid". Netherlands, your priorities are showing.]
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[Not until... After the murder attempt, anyway.]
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Okay.
[Now he feels too awkward for an honest shot at a take two. So he looks offscreen and shrugs with a shoulder.]
Guess you're fine, then. Sound - [Fine.] - yappy.
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It was a pretty crappy... indeterminate span of time before the jump, but I think I'm okay now.
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[...uh. All she told him was that she was "synthesizing chemicals".]
I'm guessin' she didn't try to choke ya with it.
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Not in the way you're thinking, anyway.
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[Straightest. Face. Ever. You could use that face as a level.]
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Yeah, no. She made neurotoxin out of it. In case you were wondering what insane things you can do with potatoes- that's one of 'em. Yay science!
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Hn. She didn't tell me that. [Well anyway... ] She make somethin' and inject you, or what?
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[There isn't a door anymore and also one of the vents has been ripped open.
Yeah...]
video to voice
Uh.
[Welp, guess what that sudden gross video of - a flash of desk chair, painted wall, door sliding open, jumpsuit, hallway, jumpsuit, hallway, on and on, pendulous - means.
Halfway down the hall he remembers it was on video, and clicks it off entirely. It goes to voice once he arrives.]
Safe to go in?
[Topher he might like you but he is going to raid that shit down to the carpet if he can.]
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[There comes a time when one must just accept that Netherlands is Netherlands and will do whatever he wants.]
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[Which is laced with a bit more understanding than he'd like, really, but in the face of free things it's shoved aside quickly enough.]
Anythin' special you want? Before I take all the wood shit.
[And the blankets, the pillows. And the bedframes. And the light fixtures. And, well, anything in there that Topher does not claim within the next ten seconds.]
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[SIGH.] No, I pretty much took everything I wanted when I switched. Knock yourself out. Please.
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Alright.
[NO. PROBLEM.]
Where are ya now?
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