[ neal's been bored, and that survey-- and the guy giving it-- have been amusing him for a while. now it's his turn, obviously. he turns a studiously serious face down to the camera. ]

Since surveys have already proved so effective, I thought I'd toss my hat into the ring. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Moz, don't touch my hats.

[ this is not an evil smile, what. ]

Enjoy, and remember to answer candidly and as completely as you can.

1. What is your name? 2. What is your quest? (Consider this my Python shoutout.) 3. What is round as a dishpan, deep as a tub, and still the oceans couldn't fill it up? 4. Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Kardashian party? 5. In exactly 27 words, explain why surveys are a noneffective method of answer gathering. 6. Cary Grant + Humphrey Bogart = ?, explain your answer. 7. New York, New York, it's a hell of a town. True. 8. He who has it doesn't tell it. He who takes it doesn't know it. He who knows it doesn't want it. What is it? 9. In essay form, please explain why the waistcoat is an important part of any suit. 10. Neruda, Dali, and Kierkegaard enter a bar. Finish the punchline. 11. Why are the Kardashians famous? If you can explain this in a way that makes any sense, without the words 'Paris Hilton', you get a prize. 12. Let's talk about the Oxford comma. 13. Go ahead and make up your own question here. 14. Name the most important of the Three Stooges. 15. Name the least appealing item on the McDonald's menu. (This is a trick question.) 16. Why are you bothering with this survey? 17. Name the most influential painter of the 18th century. 18. LA Confidential was robbed during the '97 Oscars, this isn't an opinion. 19. If you were going to vote for President of the World, who would you elect? 20. Kraft "cheese": science's worst mistake. This one isn't a question either. 21. Name your top ten poets. 22. Monet and Manet are two different painters. Discuss. <b>Agree or disagree with the following statements.</b> 23. Surveys are a waste of time. 24. Big Brother is watching you. 25. Anyone with a Mario mustache deserves the teasing they get. 26. Questions with absolute answers are boring. 27. I deserve a drycleaners.