[ hello, tranquility, it's miss irene adler. she's wearing the provided suit, but she doesn't look happy about it. but she gives the camera the most charming of smiles. ]

I was going to explore the station on my own, but considering how dangerous it appears, it seems only right that I ask for some companionship.

Is there anyone willing to give a tour to the recently arrived?

Uh. Hi, everyone. Um, I just wanted to say that, uh, I haven't heard back from Xenobiology, as to whether or not, I can work there. Um. I talked to Alexander about it but... um. So if anyone else is looking for more people, uh. I would like to help. I'm good at animals, and math, uh, but I am willing to learn anything.

I understand that there will not be culling even if we don't contribute, uh, for wich I thank the captain and his crew, but doing things, in an official capacity, is still something I am interested in. This place is, uh, kind of creepy, without any distractions.

[Oh how he hates technology. If he had his way, this would be a conversation they'd have in person. There's just those pesky sigils getting in the way of him seeking the other man out.

So instead, here's Castiel, attempting to use this phone...thing. It gets turned over in his hands a few time, completely oblivious to the fact it's recording a video feed. Even once he realizes it's actually on, all he does is peer more closely at the device, giving everyone a close-up view of his eye first.]

...what are you doing?

[Or rather, why is the device now flash- Oh. Right. Clearly it's called Dean for him. ...right?]

If you can hear this, I need myrrh. Find some.

[Because he can't exactly pop off himself to get it. :| Oh, hold up. There's another thing to add to the shopping list.]

And I'll need your blood again.

Cave Johnson here.

Welcome, newcomers and memory challenged individuals who may or may not recall if they've ever been here before. Seems we'll be getting a new batch of you every so often and in which case it's important to note you can refer to my pre-recorded messages anytime you need a re-introduction. Just push some buttons on that device you've received until you hear the sound of my voice.

In short, welcome to space. Space is fraught with perilous danger at every turn, and as such, recent space developments include reports of some kind of wild animal on the loose attacking people at random and feeding on their flesh. Don't know what it is! I'm bettin' on some manner of space vampire or space werewolf.

If by chance it is a space vampire or space werewolf and you notice yourself turning, don't panic, and please assemble what little is left of your morality and drag yourself into Medbay for immediate testing, or flag down the nearest Science personnel you see. [Cave gives a muted cough.] Chances are we'll have to fuse garlic into your skin or transfuse all the blood in your body with Adamantium liquid silver, in which case I'd advise not standing near or touching anything that conducts electricity.

Speaking of which, my personal assistant Wheatley has gone missing. Either he's lost or turned in which case do both me and you a favor and drag him to Medbay. Ginger kid, freckles, glasses, a little over five-foot, British accent, kinda' scrawny and lacks personal hygiene. Very important he's returned to me, ideally in one piece. He's been wanting to get himself back into a robot body, so multiple pieces should do just as good, but ideally in one piece.

Wily (or anyone else bored and interested in building a robot body horror for science) why don't you check out these blue prints I've been working on [which in actuality is more like an 80's looking hodgepodge of the two] and tell me what you think of them. Fantastic, right? I think the kid'll like them.

And if not and you can hear this Wheatley, I'm out of pain pills again. [Again with the cough--this time a bit less muted. Not for lack of trying, Cave kind of sounds like crap.]

I would really appreciate some.

Cave Johnson, we're done here.

[This video feed is dark. There's light filtering in from somewhere, and it's just enough to highlight the silhouette of a person, apparently crammed into some kind of confined space. Closet? Air vent? Who knows. This is probably meant to be an audio post, and there is evidence that an attempt was made to filter it away from at least two parties. Neither of these efforts were successful.]

Here's a problem for all of you. Real brain-buster, this one, if you catch my drift.

[Hi Wheatley.]

Let's say, hypothetically, I have a friend who, um…sort of…found himself in a situation where things got a little complicated. Circumstances out of his control, you know how it goes. Did some things…maybe said some things…that…were not the best things to say or do. Point is, this friend of mine made a couple of ladies rather upset.

Thing is, he didn't think he'd see either of them ever again! Turns out he was wrong. Saw them again…much sooner than he anticipated. And is now a bit…unsure of what to do, right? Because…they all parted on, uh. Less-than-stellar terms.

Still purely speculative, here, by the way. In case you forgot.

So we'll confirm that one of the ladies actually deserves an apology, which he did, in fact, grant. Right off. First thing he did, apologize to her. And he--and he thought it would make him feel better about the whole thing, but it didn't. Which…doesn't make any sense at all, because that's not what's supposed to happen. You're supposed to say you're sorry, and she's supposed to say "apology accepted, and also I'm sorry for a couple of things that may have upset you in turn", and then you say "that's all right, let's go back to being mates". And you do.

But that's not--that's not what happened, and honestly, I think he feels worse because she is…still angry. Hypothetically angry. Or--or hypothetically disappointed, at the very least. Which is…the complete opposite of what he wants. It's--it's all terribly confusing and he is not entirely sure how to go about correcting this and would…very much like to not be on the receiving end of her unstoppable wrath. We'll suppose he's already experienced it once and it was not. Pleasant.

And we'll say, hypothetically, that the other lady--if you can even call Her a lady--does not deserve an apology, because She is bloody insane, and also a homicidal maniac.

Actually, that's only partially hypothetical. It is, in fact, loosely based on the true story of a crazed lunatic fresh out of the gravity couches, absolutely hellbent on spilling my blood. I am capable of bleeding, now--that's a thing I've confirmed about this body, and I'm not terribly keen on having it happen again. Since arriving, She has already tried to murder me once, and might possibly attempt to murder others once I am dead. She might not even wait until I'm dead! Just…just throwing that out there. Food for thought.

[A pretty, green-eyed brunette with damp hair is looking into the camera and she doesn't look too happy.]

If you're going to keep me here against my will, the least you could do is provide some better clothing, yeah? A nicer room wouldn't go amiss either.

[Her tone is blunt, accent unmistakably English. You don't want to mess with this lady.]

Suppose it would be impossible to get a decent drink. [A beat.] Or a hair dryer.

On another note, whomever brought me here is paying for the removal of the tattoo on my arm. I'm not joking about that either.

[The feed ends.]