JACK NOIR ==> [TEXT] one

[barkstabbark]

okay
so
im assuming the dates on these shitty computers are reliable
even if they fucked up all the clocks
im pretty sure sunday was three hours early but whatever
it says its sunday so
reset is over
and i still dont see any observations up
or any announcements or roll calls or anything
not one fucking thing

if this makes sense to anyone just
fuck
i dont care who you are just fucking talk to me here
i cant be the only one here
thats not fucking possible
there has to be someone else
anyone
come on

Comments

[statsraaden]

I admit I have some trouble with the time here as well.

[barkstabbark]

oh my god i am so fucking sick of this time bullshit
its so stupid
if this day week month system is gonna fucking exist everyone could at least be consistent about it
you know what we had on derse
hours
thats fucking it
and you know how hard it was to live our lives without keeping track of days and shit
not in the fucking slightest
anyone who has to obsessively keep track of how many months and years and sweeps or i dont fucking know has serious issues
the only reason i even care about that shit is because stuff always happened at the end of every whatever
and look at this its the end of the week and nothing is fucking happening
is there a different end of the week now
is that how this works
this is fucking stupid
time is fucking stupid

[statsraaden]

I hear you. On my planet alone, there are so many different calendars you would go crazy in minutes.

[barkstabbark]

EXACTLY
its so unbelievably dumb and everyone still gives me these blank fucking looks whenever i ask them why they keep track of that shit
its like they dont do it for any actual reason they just do
its this fucking neurotic habit of their species or something

fucking hell
youre the first person to ever get this
i want to shake your hand
who is this

[statsraaden]

I'm Stats. Nice to meet you.

You know, calendars could have a use if you stay on the same planet, depending on the planet (I don't know about yours), but I admit they would be useless onboard this ship. I suppose people keep them out of habit.

[barkstabbark]

jack noir
same i guess

the whole fucking thing is a weird habit
when would you ever need to measure something in years

[statsraaden]

Well, in here it would be useless except out of habit, but on a planet, it's the time a planet orbits its sun, so there might be a use of that.

[barkstabbark]

how could there possibly be a use for that
its not like anything ever changes
every day is gonna be exactly the fucking same as the last no matter how many "years" its been
i still dont get it

[statsraaden]

Well... at least on my planet, there are some changes in climate that happen every year. It's alternatively hot and cold, and different kinds of food grow at certain different times according to that, and so on. So people there tend to measure things in 'it's been hot (or cold) again X times since this happened', for example.

[barkstabbark]

what
thats fucking crazy
how does it change

[statsraaden]

Well, the planet rotates and revolves around its sun. The thing is, the rotation axis and the orbit are not strictly perpendicular, which means each hemisphere points alternatively towards the sun, where it receives light on a smaller surface and during a longer part of the day, and away from the sun, where it receives less light during a shorter time.

[Stats tries to draw a picture showing a planet relatively to its sun during different seasons, with axial tilt, sun rays and all. Picture is crappy because Stats isn't quite used to his fingers yet, but you can still figure what's what.]

Sorry, I can't draw quite well yet.

[barkstabbark]

[He is staring blankly at this diagram for the longest time. What the hell. Your orbit is uneven and your planets are sideways. What's next, the moon is swinging around freely and not chained to the planet?]

goddamn
who the fuck made your universe
i didnt even think that was a thing you could fuck up that badly
you could go flying into the sun at any moment with that shitty orbit fucking hell

[statsraaden]

Well I think you noticed that when you turn fast, you can feel a force pushing you away from the centre. It's the same for planets.
Nobody made my universe. It happened on its own. What is yours like?

[Again, crappy diagrams about forces on an orbit, yadda, yadda.]

[barkstabbark]

but its a circle
so its turning at the same fucking angle no matter what side youre on
that doesnt make any SENSE

ugh fuck hang on

[after a couple minutes he produces a diagram of his own, which looks incredibly shitty and kind of confusing.]

pretend all those things are round
thats what a proper universe looks like

[statsraaden]

Oh. Your planet has no axial tilt. That's why the weather is always the same.

[Stats then proceeds to explain about axial tilts with yet another diagram.]

[barkstabbark]

if you mean my planet isnt fucking crooked then yeah
im pretty damn sure thats how its supposed to be
if i wanted different weather id just go to a different planet

[statsraaden]

Well, perhaps we could ask people whether their respective planets are crooked or not.

[barkstabbark]

i guess but that wouldnt mean anything
trust me when i say i know all about making universes alright
had to stand around during the entire fucking process
and the incipisphere is like a universe theyre practically the same damn thing
whoever made yours probably just fucked up that part
missed a frog gene or whatever i dont fucking know
sucks to be you but i guess none of that matters now that were in this place anyway

[statsraaden]

Well, I think it's more interesting that way.
And my universe made itself.

[barkstabbark]

if thats what you wanna think
guess you can love your wonky universes all you want
i still think its weird

sure it did pal

[statsraaden]

Well, my universe may be weird, but I like it that way.