005 [AUDIO]

[testgasm]

Okay. Can I--can I just have a minute, here?

[HI NETWORK IT'S WHEATLEY. No video today, but the agitated edge to his voice makes it pretty clear he's got his panties in a twist. Are you ready to find out what, exactly, is twisting his panties? No? TOO BAD.]

Show of hands, please. How many of you are, ah. Concealing...or--or harboring something potentially dangerous to yourself and/or others? Mostly others. Because I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm getting a little sick and tired of everyone HIDING THINGS, only to have those things show up out of flipping nowhere to TRY AND MURDER US.

First, okay, first, we've got that bloke who ran around wanting to eat everyone else. And he gets caught, which is all well and good, except the people who fancy themselves in charge think we don't have a right to know who he is! And--AND they expect us to help him out, even. Yeah, okay. Am I the only one who sees a problem with this?

Now Mister Big Shot Security Guy is being all vague about some kind of disease, except, oh, SURPRISE, it's not a disease, it's a demon infestation!? And--and Coffee Boy over there knew for god knows how long and only speaks up now? What is WRONG with all of you!?

Do you--do you see a pattern here? It's not the ship that's going to get us, in the end. It's all the stupid little secrets you lot are keeping. Absolutely ridiculous.

WHEN are you going to REALIZE that we need to TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS before they get out of hand and start KILLING PEOPLE? You humans are impossible, honestly, this does not need to be difficult!

I mean, Jenna, yeah? You remember; bled all over the network. She's a--a vampire, or something? But she came right out and told us, explained where she's getting her, uh. Sustenance, and now we know. Bam, problem solved. Everyone should take a page out of her book. In fact, let's clear the air, right now. If you are aware of any kind of danger, from home or otherwise, or think something might become a problem down the line, share it with the class. Now's your opportunity.

I'll start. When that murderous computer-woman from my world landed here, I warned you. She's gone, now, by the way, as far as I can tell, but the point still stands. I didn't sit on my hands and wait for Her to start picking us off. Gave the heads-up right away.

Here's another thing that's good to know, while we're all coming clean. There's a dangerous mute--well, no, she's not mute, she was lying--there's a dangerous, not-so-mute lunatic on the loose, and she's got one of my things and I would really like it back I KNOW YOU'RE LISTENING TO THIS, LADY, DON'T PRETEND YOU AREN'T.

Comments

[syllogism]

So, who is it that stole something from you?
Here you are, all talking about being open with one another, only to become hypocritically vague right at the very end.

[testgasm]

Uh, well, I don't...actually know her name, but you can't miss her. Ponytail, orange jumpsuit. She took my cube.

audio;

[sweetmotherofgod]

You know, you're the first person to make any damn sense on this. And yet people keep acting like you're the idiot around here.

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

See? You get it. Honestly do not know why everyone thinks that.

voice

[mutelunatic]

[wow the shit this host had to put up with]

Shut up, moron.

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

[NO YOU]

You shut up, you--

What do you want with it, anyway, just give it back!

[theshabbiestofmen]

I understand where you're coming from, and you do have a good point-- but imagine you yourself are harboring a secret. And you know people might not take it well. Would you truly be so eager to volunteer that information?

[testgasm]

Well I don't have any information that could potentially result in the injury or death of fellow, um, crewmates, but if I did, I would...obviously have to take one for the team, as it were.

[Wheatley is an incredible hypocrite: the post]

voice;

[unparental]

...um. Thank you? [ beat. ] I think.

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

Oh. Yes. You're welcome. Thought that was admirable of you, considering.

[andblockbuster]

What about you?

[HELLO, WHEATLEY.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR DEMON-POSSESSED ENEMY YOURS TO TORMENT YOU TODAY?]

[testgasm]

[IS HE REALLY GOING TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE]

Uh, I just told you. Murderous computer-woman, remember?

[voice]

[sammyskeleton]

[so amused BUT NO, NO REALLY YOU'RE.... you're totally right wheatley, uh so]

I'm a skeleton who can do magic tricks. [Is there a hint of sarcasm in there specifically to goad Wheatley into thinking he's making fun of him? ...Nooooo, of course not.] Is that something I should be putting up warning labels for?

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

[NOT SURE IF...TROLLING...]

That...depends. Do your magic tricks pose a danger to yourself and/or others? Sort of...the aforementioned...potentially murderous kinds of things we should know about?

[video] because i'm honor bound to have him respond

[functioningperfectly]

[HAL looks concerned!]

You've had something stolen?

[Also, not going to mention that you've admitted to trying to murder people. He's a good friend ok, he won't call you out in public.]

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

[HAL yes good hello you're just in time.]

Yes! She took my cube.

[audio]

[cutsofftheirlimbs]

You know, even if you've actually got a point, harboring grudges is almost as bad.

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

Grudges? Who's grudging? I'm just stating some facts.

[Text]

[godofthemachine]

She was lying? What a shame.

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

I know. Couldn't believe it. The nerve of some people.

[coffeeking]

[Oh Wheatley, now is really not the time to piss off Ianto Jones. He's a teensy bit stressed, you see.]

Oh yes, I'm so sorry I didn't want to alarm the entire ship into hunting down my partner! I informed security, you halfwit, it isn't my fault if none of us knew what the bloody problem was until now!

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

[on the contrary it is the perfect time]

Yeah, because security's done an excellent job so far.

video;

[entrapments]

Don't forget to breathe, Wheatley.

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

I'm breathing! I am, in fact, breathing. Doing the whole...inhale, exhale thing just fine.

[statsraaden]

You, my dear, have a point. [And Stats does mean it. You so much have a point you're almost in the Sea of Stating the Obvious here.]

I, on my part, have nothing to hide. The most dangerous people in my world are nowhere near what we're having here and they wouldn't team up with anyone here.

[testgasm]

Woah, woah, woah, woah. Don't you my dear me, Boat Guy.

[jilt]

As hysterical and shrill as this might be, you've a fair point.

[testgasm]

Of course I have a point! Nobody else wants to see it, that's the problem.

[turncloak]

The hell are you on about.

[ To be honest, Theon gave him exactly a minute and then just fast-forwarded through the rest. ]

[testgasm]

Lots of things. Important things, relevant to everyone on board.

voice

[askedtobe]

There's someone here who tried to eat everyone? [ Jesus christ what has he landed himself in the middle of. ]

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

Ooh, yeah. Some kind of strange alien vampirism going on, with that. Attacked some of the crew. Spooky, innit?

voice.

[swagneto]

There's a difference between outing yourself to what you can do, and being persecuted for it. [ Granted, Erik himself was already among the first to out himself for his own ability, second to Jenna, but it doesn't change anything. He's exposed himself as a target but he knows not everyone is willing to do that. And for that -- Erik intends on protecting them. ]

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

All I'm saying, is that if you know something's dangerous, or is going to be dangerous, keeping it a secret is only going to cause trouble.

[voice]

[doggedly]

[This is a Very Serious Situation, but still--]

Sorry, sir, excuse me, sir, can you mark me down for "all of the above", please, sir?

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

Okay, so I'll put you down as an "I am a danger to myself and others". Please elaborate, if you would.

[the_vishual]

....

[ Is it the end of the world?? ]

I... I agree with you.

[testgasm]

That's because you've got sense, Chase. Which is more than I can say about most of the people here.

voice;

[lethalforce]

Do you do anything but bitch?

[perma-voice]

[testgasm]

Uh, excuse you. I do lots of things. If you actually paid attention, you'd realize that this is a very legitimate concern!