[video and text attachment]

[jurisimpudent]

Good day. My name is Miles Edgeworth; I am with the Security team. As ever, I would like to request that any new arrivals with expertise in law enforcement, the military, or combat contact me to discuss potential employment.

[He would also like to request that all you dicks stop talking about The Worst Holiday Ever, thanks. And he would like to distract you from it with this:]

I should like, also, to discuss our backgrounds. I have done this in the past, I will grant, and as such I beg a bit of patience from those who have previously seen such questions. Nevertheless, I believe that discovering the commonalities amongst us will assist in the uncovering of the reason why we were brought here; more, a general census will, I think, assist in preventing people from falling through the cracks, as it were.

[And it will GET YOU BASTARDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT CHRISTMAS FOR FIFTEEN GODDAMN SECONDS]

I have attached a text document. Kindly open this document, fill it out, and submit it to me. Note that number five is quite optional, but an answer would be appreciated and potentially quite helpful.

1. Your name:
2. Your age:
3. Your occupation:
4. Your level of education:
5. (Optional) Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? (Note: This can be either professional diagnosis or self-diagnosis.):
6. Have you ever been involved in crime or criminal activity (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?:
7. Have you ever been involved in violence or a violent act (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?:
8. How long have you been here?:

Comments

[endureandsurvive]

2033

zombie fungus apocalypse
shits all been ruined
wow very dramatic

[jurisimpudent]

[what
do you even say to that]

My condolences.

[Yeah, probably not that.]

[endureandsurvive]

y

[It's okay; she doesn't really know any better.]

[jurisimpudent]

What?

[endureandsurvive]

i mean its shitty but it is what it is

ne way means this place isnt too bad :)

[jurisimpudent]

Forgive me, but that is a deeply skewed perspective. You oughtn't think that way.

[endureandsurvive]

y not

this place is weird and spooky like a ghost story but it doesnt have clickers [or people] trying to get their teeth all up in my face

that? aint bad buddy

[jurisimpudent]

But it could be so very much better.

[endureandsurvive]

sure lemme just get u the moon 2 while were at it

[jurisimpudent]

It's nothing that difficult. No place is perfect, but there are countless better than this.

[endureandsurvive]

and theres lots worse
maybe u should be thankful

[jurisimpudent]

I should be thankful that this is not as horrible as it possibly could be.

[endureandsurvive]

yeah dude

look on the bright side! :-)

[jurisimpudent]

People who "look on the bright side" are self-deluding fools. It is better by far to focus on imperfections so as to be able to work to eliminate them.

[endureandsurvive]

omfuckingg how did u get so grouchy

[jurisimpudent]

I'm not "grouchy." I'm "realistic," "productive," and "forward-thinking." How did you get so apathetic?

[endureandsurvive]

hey buddy im not apathetic i just dont get what ur complaining about

what exaclty is ur problem w/this place

[jurisimpudent]

The fact that there's constant danger and grotesque indifference?

[endureandsurvive]

like wut i havent run into a signle dangerous thing since i got here unless u count some of the ppl
if u stay in the lit areas its ttly fine

[jurisimpudent]

Yes, well, I'm on Security. I don't have that luxury.

[endureandsurvive]

so u signed up 4 a shitty job
that sounds like a personal problem

[jurisimpudent]

It is not a bad job.

[and mind your potty mouth please]

[endureandsurvive]

[Never]

then stop crying about it :-P

[jurisimpudent]

First, I am not crying. I would not cry even if I were upset/bitter about it. Second, I am not upset. I am simply pointing that not everyone has the luxury of remaining safe, and that is terrible.

[endureandsurvive]

o come on man shit happens evrywhere
even be4 things went all crappy there were still police & stuff