Miles Edgeworth (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jurisimpudent) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ataraxion2013-12-14 09:17 am
jurisimpudent) wrote in ataraxion2013-12-14 09:17 am
[video and text attachment]
Good day. My name is Miles Edgeworth; I am with the Security team. As ever, I would like to request that any new arrivals with expertise in law enforcement, the military, or combat contact me to discuss potential employment.
[He would also like to request that all you dicks stop talking about The Worst Holiday Ever, thanks. And he would like to distract you from it with this:]
I should like, also, to discuss our backgrounds. I have done this in the past, I will grant, and as such I beg a bit of patience from those who have previously seen such questions. Nevertheless, I believe that discovering the commonalities amongst us will assist in the uncovering of the reason why we were brought here; more, a general census will, I think, assist in preventing people from falling through the cracks, as it were.
[And it will GET YOU BASTARDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT CHRISTMAS FOR FIFTEEN GODDAMN SECONDS]
I have attached a text document. Kindly open this document, fill it out, and submit it to me. Note that number five is quite optional, but an answer would be appreciated and potentially quite helpful.
1. Your name:
2. Your age:
3. Your occupation:
4. Your level of education:
5. (Optional) Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? (Note: This can be either professional diagnosis or self-diagnosis.):
6. Have you ever been involved in crime or criminal activity (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?:
7. Have you ever been involved in violence or a violent act (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?:
8. How long have you been here?:
[He would also like to request that all you dicks stop talking about The Worst Holiday Ever, thanks. And he would like to distract you from it with this:]
I should like, also, to discuss our backgrounds. I have done this in the past, I will grant, and as such I beg a bit of patience from those who have previously seen such questions. Nevertheless, I believe that discovering the commonalities amongst us will assist in the uncovering of the reason why we were brought here; more, a general census will, I think, assist in preventing people from falling through the cracks, as it were.
[And it will GET YOU BASTARDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT CHRISTMAS FOR FIFTEEN GODDAMN SECONDS]
I have attached a text document. Kindly open this document, fill it out, and submit it to me. Note that number five is quite optional, but an answer would be appreciated and potentially quite helpful.
1. Your name:
2. Your age:
3. Your occupation:
4. Your level of education:
5. (Optional) Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? (Note: This can be either professional diagnosis or self-diagnosis.):
6. Have you ever been involved in crime or criminal activity (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?:
7. Have you ever been involved in violence or a violent act (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?:
8. How long have you been here?:
video;
No, I don't. You can rest easy, Mr. Edgeworth. No need for you to get any frownlines from stress.
video;
[His hand comes up against his will to touch his face for just a moment, prodding for wrinkles. Then he remembers himself and lowers it.]
I - do appreciate your honesty. It is courageous to admit freely to past misdeeds.
video;
Oh? Flattery won't get you anywhere, Mr. Edgeworth. [Somewhat professional.] But thanks. I hope my answers help with your survey.
video;
video;
Consider me told. Out of curiosity though, why do you not do such a thing? It's not exactly criminal.
video;
Because flattery is dishonesty, and I am not dishonest.
video;
[Even if she thinks he could loosen up a little.]
video;
I do wish to thank you for your cooperation, ma'am.
video;
[And click! She ends the feed there, realising that he probably wasn't going to drop the 'ma'am' thing.]