[video and text attachment]

[jurisimpudent]

Good day. My name is Miles Edgeworth; I am with the Security team. As ever, I would like to request that any new arrivals with expertise in law enforcement, the military, or combat contact me to discuss potential employment.

[He would also like to request that all you dicks stop talking about The Worst Holiday Ever, thanks. And he would like to distract you from it with this:]

I should like, also, to discuss our backgrounds. I have done this in the past, I will grant, and as such I beg a bit of patience from those who have previously seen such questions. Nevertheless, I believe that discovering the commonalities amongst us will assist in the uncovering of the reason why we were brought here; more, a general census will, I think, assist in preventing people from falling through the cracks, as it were.

[And it will GET YOU BASTARDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT CHRISTMAS FOR FIFTEEN GODDAMN SECONDS]

I have attached a text document. Kindly open this document, fill it out, and submit it to me. Note that number five is quite optional, but an answer would be appreciated and potentially quite helpful.

1. Your name:
2. Your age:
3. Your occupation:
4. Your level of education:
5. (Optional) Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? (Note: This can be either professional diagnosis or self-diagnosis.):
6. Have you ever been involved in crime or criminal activity (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?:
7. Have you ever been involved in violence or a violent act (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?:
8. How long have you been here?:

Comments

[jurisimpudent]

Then perhaps I would ask you to sit in for a few days on my job and familiarize yourself with my methods. Disappearing from the ship or being left in stasis is always a risk, and I should like to have someone to fill in if that happens to me. [A beat, and a frown - ] Most think paperwork is beneath them.

[Anyway - ]

And the Communications department ensures that these devices continue working. They also...monitor transmissions when they deem it necessary.

[sleuthtastic]

[ Veronica just shrugs. She did do a lot of that boring paperwork thing before she ever grabbed her first camera and tailed her first philandering husband, so. ]

Paperwork's boring but necessary. Digital copies can get corrupted and things can get destroyed. I know a little bit about— [ She's about to say bugs, and then, you know, maybe that's the kind of modern vernacular that doesn't transcend time and space, so. ] —listening devices, so I could do that.

I noticed before, the people in the pods, some of them didn't come out. Does that— happen a lot?

[jurisimpudent]

[He answers unflinchingly.]

Yes. Though it's better to find them still in the pods than to find them gone, which is even more common.

[sleuthtastic]

Gone?

[ Okay, that... hadn't occured to her before. ]

Like, to Funkytown, or?

[jurisimpudent]

To - Funky...?

[What are your quips, Veronica]

Er - no. Gone from the ship altogether.

[sleuthtastic]

[ Delightful and fun-sized for easy consumption, sempai ]

That's it? Just... poof?

[jurisimpudent]

Quite so. Always at the Jumps.

[sleuthtastic]

You don't really run out of things to worry about here, huh.

[jurisimpudent]

Better to frame that as we, Ms. Mars. Unfortunately, you also have been drawn into this situation with its multitude of stressors.