ataraxion | [video and text attachment]

Good day. My name is Miles Edgeworth; I am with the Security team. As ever, I would like to request that any new arrivals with expertise in law enforcement, the military, or combat contact me to discuss potential employment.

[He would also like to request that all you dicks stop talking about The Worst Holiday Ever, thanks. And he would like to distract you from it with this:]

I should like, also, to discuss our backgrounds. I have done this in the past, I will grant, and as such I beg a bit of patience from those who have previously seen such questions. Nevertheless, I believe that discovering the commonalities amongst us will assist in the uncovering of the reason why we were brought here; more, a general census will, I think, assist in preventing people from falling through the cracks, as it were.

[And it will GET YOU BASTARDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT CHRISTMAS FOR FIFTEEN GODDAMN SECONDS]

I have attached a text document. Kindly open this document, fill it out, and submit it to me. Note that number five is quite optional, but an answer would be appreciated and potentially quite helpful.

1. Your name: 2. Your age: 3. Your occupation: 4. Your level of education: 5. (Optional) Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? (Note: This can be either professional diagnosis or self-diagnosis.): 6. Have you ever been involved in crime or criminal activity (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?: 7. Have you ever been involved in violence or a violent act (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?: 8. How long have you been here?:

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Because - that would be dishonest. And corrupt. And shameful.

You forgot useful.

That - And how, precisely, would it be useful?

People get bored.

And it is neither my job nor even my interest to entertain them.

[HRMMMMMMMMMM.]

What if someone else wanted to use your information to assist with that? I don't suppose you have a price?

[That doesn't even get a response, just a bitch, please look.]

[Just all smiles. It's not like she was going to do it, but if she could have orchestrated something...

TOPIC CHANGE!]

You must be involved in law enforcement.

Edited 2013-12-17 15:31 (UTC)

[Grouchily:]

I am. Why?

You're very stern and nosy. It's a good quality in your field. I admire that.

[A pause...]

However, don't you think you're making people uncomfortable?

[The frown lessens a little bit with that first comment, but then returns full force with her question.]

Yes. I do.

[Meanwhile, she looks perfectly content! Not quite smiling, not quite not. She's weird, though, so please pardon her.]

This might be considered profiling, you know. Or painting too many people with the same brush. It's also highly likely that people will lie. For example, I worked for people who were largely opposed to the ruling body.

[Thoughtful face.]

I say worked for... More to the point, I assisted them in making good decisions, whether they liked it or not.

[Read: You have no idea how many "laws" and protocols and programming tidbits she's broken.]

Edited (typos twice!) 2013-12-17 17:14 (UTC)

...How is your work experience relevant?

You asked if I'd been involved in criminal activity.

...Ah. I appreciate the clarification, then.

You're very [wink] welcome. See, I lied to you. Isn't that funny?

No.

No?

No. That was not "funny," and nor was any other moment throughout this conversation.

You see my point, don't you?

I do not.

...People aren't going to tell you the truth.

You think that I cannot see through lies?

Did you guess that I was lying?

Yes.

[maybe]

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