ataraxion | [video and text attachment]

Good day. My name is Miles Edgeworth; I am with the Security team. As ever, I would like to request that any new arrivals with expertise in law enforcement, the military, or combat contact me to discuss potential employment.

[He would also like to request that all you dicks stop talking about The Worst Holiday Ever, thanks. And he would like to distract you from it with this:]

I should like, also, to discuss our backgrounds. I have done this in the past, I will grant, and as such I beg a bit of patience from those who have previously seen such questions. Nevertheless, I believe that discovering the commonalities amongst us will assist in the uncovering of the reason why we were brought here; more, a general census will, I think, assist in preventing people from falling through the cracks, as it were.

[And it will GET YOU BASTARDS TO SHUT UP ABOUT CHRISTMAS FOR FIFTEEN GODDAMN SECONDS]

I have attached a text document. Kindly open this document, fill it out, and submit it to me. Note that number five is quite optional, but an answer would be appreciated and potentially quite helpful.

1. Your name: 2. Your age: 3. Your occupation: 4. Your level of education: 5. (Optional) Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? (Note: This can be either professional diagnosis or self-diagnosis.): 6. Have you ever been involved in crime or criminal activity (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?: 7. Have you ever been involved in violence or a violent act (either as victim of same or as perpetrator)?: 8. How long have you been here?:

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Now there's a lie if I've ever heard one. [ he sounds awfully smug. ] And you should be. You also sound like you need a drink or six if this is how you're spending your time.

Right. Because obviously I need to be distracted from attempts to help people and possibly improve our lot here. That makes sense.

Newsflash; you ain't helping anyone, just creeping everyone out.

I am not helping anyone now, no. I am putting into place the groundwork for helping later.

Whatever excuse gets you through the night, sure.

Stop that.

[ CCCC: ]

Stop what?

Stop using those - idiotic lines to try to win the argument. To try to make me feel foolish. What I'm doing is reasonable. You rolling your eyes at it does not make it less reasonable or make you more "cool."

Wait, are we in high school? 'Cause last time I checked this wasn't about being cool.

[Edgeworth wouldn't know
he was home schooled]

No? Wasn't it? Because I cannot conceive of any other reason for you to act as you do.

[ freak ]

You can't conceive a lot of things. Don't take it personally.

Mr. Winchester, I do know you. You're aware of this. And you're rather more transparent than you think.

I don't care if you know every little thing about me. [ yes he does and how dare you throw that at him ] Doesn't change what you're doin' here ain't helping shit and you're wasting your time.

So, what? I should sit back and do nothing? Organize idiotic holidays to distract myself like everyone else? I respectfully refuse.

You know what? Maybe it would do you some good. Better than gettin' your rocks off through some weird-ass creepy questionnaire.

[Sharply:]

It's not creepy!

Uh, yes it is. Like freakishly creepy.

And what, exactly, is creepy about it?

Only everything.

That's utterly unhelpful. It's not directed at anyone. It was not designed in an attempt to...lure anyone in. I am not...creeping about. There is no subterfuge involved.

Tell that to the people who're gonna look at you all funny now, man.

I don't care how people look at me. Understood?

Liar.

I - I am not lying.

Uh-huh. And we're not stuck on a spaceship.

audio.

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