fourth molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text )

[mathematically]

[ there's a part of lydia that wonders if this is stupid. if that after her last foray ( god, why did so many people care about her problem with peter ) with anonymous text and her problems and the network that maybe this was uncalled for, maybe she should just come clean and be herself and ask everyone if they were having problems like this. except, this is just as damning, isn't it? little miss lydia martin thinks killing peter hale will solve all her problems just like she thought doing what he wanted would solve them and yet, here she was, still sleep walking, still with nightmares and still— finding her mind in pieces she didn't know were still broken. ( they shouldn't have been why were they. ) she just wants to be normal again, she just wants to feel normal again. not like whatever this is. ]

When you get gangrene the treatment is to cut off the portion effected in order to try and save the rest of the tissue. Sometimes you have to amputate things, but that's not always what happens. You think that cutting it away is supposed to help. And it does sometimes. Other times you die anyway despite the efforts and it's bullshit.

That's morbid and— I shouldn't have started off with that. Whatever, you think something will make everything right again and then surprise the joke's on you, you still feel like a mess and it's— that's still not the point and is maudlin in ways that I don't do. I'm not even that intoxicated to justify it.

Original point of this, so you don't start laughing at the anonymous freak who can't shut up and get to the point. Has anyone been having sleeping related problems? I don't mean nightmares, because of course you're going to have nightmares here unless you're some person who thinks this is a walk in the park. But, sure, tell me about you special ones that aren't just consequences of the ship. What I mean is sleep walking. Waking up in places you don't remember falling asleep in. And I guess maybe another aspect of that is— have you had black out moments here. Where you're in one place, and then in another but you don't know how you got there. And if someone were to ask you, you couldn't answer what happened. You just were in one place and then suddenly you were in another and you don't remember even walking or running or whatever there.

God, I sound like a crazy person asking this. This is why I did this anonymously. No one wants to talk to a person after they sound crazy like this and I like talking to people for the most part. I don't feel like being shunned like that.

Comments

perma-anon text | privated

[mathematically]

Both.

perma-not!anon text | privated

[unsoldiered]

well, the first ones a kind of longer story. I kinda had a psychotic break a while back, really messed with my head. I got better, but the masks back when really messed me up.

Lately, I've just been sort of hanging in there

keeping friends in my focus, helping people out

stopped feeling the mask messing me up over time. still does, but... I can manage it.

just took me a goal, mostly...

[mathematically]

so. you had a breakdown.

and now you're getting better.

because you've got some goal in mind or whatever.

and because you know better than to put on your mask.

so your weird thing had nothing to do with what happened at home. to you. or did i read that completely wrong.

[unsoldiered]

not... Exactly. Had a tramatic event happen a few years ago, went through a full on psychosis back home. I basically went delirious, took out facts, put new ones in. Would blackout, wake up somewhere else. that was all at home. Mask just brought it back. Some of it, anyway. Back home, I kinda just... Forced myself to remember.

...

and a town made me, but that's more complicated.

[mathematically]

...you went completely crazy. not just blackouts. that's full blown psychosis. as in why in the hell weren't you locked up from everyone else.

[ personal growth: not calling him a freak. ]

and that last bit just makes you sound like 1) a freak or 2) like you're one of those countries we have running around.

[unsoldiered]

[personal growth TRY HARDER.]

I kinda was locked up from everyone else, yeah

and the last bit's really not that shocking if you look at the rest of the ship

but christ

no wonder you're anonymous you're kind of an asshole.

[mathematically]

[ LOOK. at least it wasn't first off. ]

i'm this much of an asshole unanon, actually. anon is more for the people i hang around with possibly being bugged by this. or worrying. whatever.

also country =/= town so technically that one's a little bit of a stretch.

and not a psychic, couldn't have known you were really locked up. don't get all touchy with me on that.

[unsoldiered]

[...]

if you're an asshole in real life, wouldn't it be better to be nice while you're anon to avoid your friends figuring you out??

[just a thought]

[mathematically]

how many nice people do you actually see on the network?

promise i have a reason for asking that.

[unsoldiered]

touche.

fine, i'd say it's 50/50. sometimes better on a good day when people aren't freaking.

[mathematically]

and i get the point in this match.

and sometimes way worse when they are, right?

[unsoldiered]

... man, you can't even ask that question

of course they're way worse, this place runs on being like that.

Probably jinxing the atmosphere just talking about it

[mathematically]

i can too.

and we're not. because that's superstitious and that's silly.

[unsoldiered]

I'm definitely not willing to bet money on your behalf

[mathematically]

haven't you ever heard of higher odds giving you better returns?

[unsoldiered]

i've heard plenty of sayings that make a ton of sense

that would somehow get totally screwed up when applied to the ship.

[mathematically]

i'm pretty sure that one wouldn't get screwed up unless whoever you bet decided they didn't want to pay up.

[unsoldiered]

[h e h]

like I said

somehow totally screwed up.

[mathematically]

[ w o w ]

you need to bet with better people. or maybe not the metaphorical house of the ship. technically it's possible to win against the house, but the house always wins is one of those other sayings.

[ accidental implications are completely accidental. ]

[unsoldiered]

you either have a real love of gambling, or a real love of sayings. or both. but i'll make sure to bet with better people.

[mathematically]

math actually. lends itself well to gambling, but that's not actually something i'm legally allowed to do.

good. and look, if something bad happens, you can totally blame the mean anonymous person for jinxing it.

[unsoldiered]

never was any good at math.

but i didn't really care much about school, anyway.

[Did okay, well enough to graduate; that's all that really mattered.]

but roger that, i'll blame anonymous. and anon can rest easy knowing nobody'll have a clue who the heck i'm referring to.

[mathematically]

i've always been fantastic at it.

and i— school is easy.

[ ...sorry bro, she has a 5.0 GPA, she can't help it. ]

...i'm almost touched. i might even talk to you unanon later because of this.

[unsoldiered]

i'm charmed. maybe I'll lure you out someday with a tough math question on the comms.

[mathematically]

i could always just stay anon when i answer them.