ataraxion | 002; rude questions [video/action]

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002; rude questions [video/action]

Ladies and gentlemen of the Tranquility, good evening.

[From the video, you can see Albert is seated somewhere in the oxygen gardens, on a wide-open patch of grass. He looks somewhat contemplative.]

I have a-- a somewhat personal question to ask of you all, so don't feel compelled to answer if you don't wish to. [He seems to hesitate, and then he plunges ahead quickly, as if he must ask it before he loses courage.]

How many of you here believed yourselves to have passed away before you woke up in this place?

And-- for those of you who don't want to talk about something quite so morbid, maybe you could tell me what year, or what country, or planet you come from. I'd... really like to hear about other people's homes. As for me-- I'm from Paris, France, the year 5053.

I've also got some tea and plenty of cups to go around here in the garden, if you'd prefer to speak in person. I'd welcome the company, and the chance to meet all of you.

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Well, so long as you do not wish to discuss the merits of Buonaparte-ruled France... I do not think they should mind very much.

[A soft, brief grin there, shaking his head at the memory. Poor Marius. He meant well... he was just a bit... misinformed. Even if Jehan took less pain at his viewpoint than the others.]

You would be very welcome, yes. I promise we will not quiz you upon philosophy; just so long as you do not quiz us on technology. Do we have a treaty?

Ah, but technology is so fascinating, Jehan! It's a shame you and your comrades lived only just before the invention of cars and bikes! Nobody needs to rely upon a poor horse for travel anymore, and they go fast enough that journeying between cities and countries is easy!

Then there's computers, and telephones...! Devices like these communicators that make it possible to speak with someone very far away in only an instant! Or to look up the answer to whatever question you might have, if it's in the realm of human knowledge!

[Realising he's gotten slightly carried away, he tones it down a bit.] But-- I shall agree to your treaty.

[...OH ALBERT. Also, wat.

He really isn't sure how Albert always manages it, but he'd pressing the back of his hand against his mouth to keep from laughing too hard at that outpouring of excitement. He didn't want to be rude, especially not when Albert was right and it was interesting, but...

He lierally had no idea what half of these inventions were.]

You speak in a language I do not know! But yes, I assume if we have ships that might transport us to worlds, man must have found ways to travel between nations with more ease. Though I do wonder at the lost art of letter-writing, if you can communicate within seconds over screens...

Perhaps it's why you have no attention for poetry. [He teased lightly.]

Oh, haha, I see what you did there! But I suppose you're probably right, actually. Franz always says--

--said, he always said that the only reason I'm not a good student is because I'm bad at sitting still, and if they could find a way to teach literature through movement, I'd be top of the class. Haha.

[Albert's tone is still light and casual after he corrects himself. It's almost laughing, like he doesn't really believe that statement. But there's a forced quality to it, too.]

Edited 2013-03-25 01:02 (UTC)

[The drop in mood and the change to past tense was palpable. Perhaps Jehan was a little sensitive lately, as it seemed he could barely flounder his way through a conversation without leaving someone upset... something he wasn't very used to. Being (if he admitted it) still upset himself, it was worse to see faces drop and smiles stall. Keeping up his own mood was becoming strenuously hard. He didn't know how or if to fix it-- not for his friends and certainly not for himself. A somewhat useless feeling.]

...Maybe your Franz was on to something. I wonder if literature could be taught through movement. What an idea.

[Softly, going to fix a cup of tea now just to busy himself.]

Yeah... he was. [Albert draws in a shaky breath to steady himself, but it hardly works. He notices Jehan fixing the tea and realises he's done the very thing he was trying to avoid.]

... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-- ugh, I'm so stupid. I invited you out here to relax and have a cup of tea to take your mind off things, but all I'm doing is making things worse ...

[He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, surreptitiously wiping at an eye as he goes. Almost furious at his traitorous eye for betraying him.]

I just can't seem to-- control my emotions, these days. They're all over the place. It's nothing you've said or done, I'm just... a mess. I'm sorry.

[Much to his own frustration, he nearly let the teapot clatter back onto its plate when he set it down. He barely registered what Albert was saying, instead noting the way he rubbed at his eyes-- again.

Someone is crying again, and pretending it's silliness and lack of control instead of pain again. Perhaps he isn't doing anything directly, but his indirect effect over the past week or so has been steller enough.

Not knowing quite what to do, or say and starting to truly dislike that he didn't, Jehan settled for staring at the ground and reaffirming lightly,]

You needn't apologize.

...You are allowed to express yourself, even if you're hurting. I'm-- sorry. That I can't do more.

Your friend... passed, I take it. [Very, very lightly.]

[Albert pulls his knees up to his chest and hugs them tightly.]

... I miss him. I miss him so much. Sometimes I'll think that I'm perfectly fine, and then the next minute I'll see something, or hear something, that reminds me of him ...

It wasn't even so long ago that he was right by my side, drinking and laughing. A week ago? No... that can't be right. I've been here longer than that now, haven't I? I keep losing track of the passage of time in this place. But it was less than a week when I woke up here. How can I accept that my best friend is just now ... gone? He was only fifteen--! We were supposed to grow up together ... there are still so many things we had left to do ...

[Oh. Oh, he'd had no idea that Albert was so young, was-- wasn't even fully grown yet. Fifteen? No wonder, those gently incorrect statements he made. He wasn't so terribly immature, not for his age. To lose a loved one so young-- someone equally in the winter of childhood, about to step into an adult spring-- was awful.

Jehan didn't know anything else about Franz aside from his age and his importance to Albert. It still made his heart twist and his jaw clench.

Children shouldn't suffer so. Early death and early loss.]

It is too soon to be 'perfectly fine'... don't ask it of yourself.

I understand now. Why you asked those questions, regarding death. [He hoped to see him, didn't he? Frowning lightly, he reached out to press a hand over Albert's, briefly.] But death cannot ever take your friend away from you... I know it's of no comfort, but you have him with you so clearly, it's impossible for you not to grow up with him.

Albert, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[He meant it, acutely. It was painful to watch him struggle with a burden that should not have to be.]

I know. ... I know. He's-- always in my heart. I know. But I don't want him there. I want him to be here. I want to yell at him, and cry with him, and laugh with him ... I want to see him roll his eyes at me like I've done something particularly stupid again, or hear him finish the end of my sentences ...

[Taking another deep breath, he clenches his fingers into his crossed-over arms all the more.]

... Thank you, Jehan. I'm sorry I'm such poor company.

[Jehan knew it wasn't good enough... but what else was there to say? Albert was possibly dead himself, on a ship in the middle of nowhere, suspended in time in a place full of strangers, still a child, with a huge and upsetting revelation recently placed on his shoulders. What could anyone possibly say that would make that even a little better?

Aside from just being there, Jehan didn't know. Not that being here was all that effective either.]

Albert... I know. I'm sorry.

He might still come. It isn't anything I can promise or you can rely on, but. Not all hope is lost.

[Maybe that was the only single thing of comfort he could offer, however much a long shot. He did believe in poetic justice, after all. If having your brothers beside you after death wasn't that, then nothing was.]

You're brave to have faced all of this on your own since arriving.

[Being here was more a balm than Jehan could possibly know, even if it didn't look like it right at this particular moment. Even though Albert felt terrible at burdening his new friend with all this-- all this which Jehan still did not even know the half of-- he felt selfishly comforted by having someone there with him. By finally being able to tell of it, instead of trying to keep himself preoccupied every waking moment from dawn until dusk, instead of running on auto-pilot and smiling and chatting with people as if nothing was wrong.

But when the only alternative was lying on your bed in your empty room and looking at the ceiling, being alone with your thoughts... well, that wasn't a very appealing prospect either.]

... I don't know about brave. It's more that-- that it's too difficult to talk about, really.

Not only that, but nobody knows me here. Everybody has their own problems to deal with. They aren't going to care about mine, and it would be rude to ask it of them. It's not the sort of thing you can just easily drop into polite conversation with someone you've just met.

[He sighs, and leans over so his head is resting on Jehan's shoulder casually. It's an easy, familiar kind of gesture-- something he used to do with Franz all the time when they were kids, at least until they'd gotten a bit older and Albert had grown self-conscious.]

... But ... thank you.

[When Albert's head touched his shoulder, Jehan gingerly put his arm around the boy's and then held it like that, keeping him near. Proximity had helped him when he'd first arrived, and if Albert trusted him enough for it to be a help here too, then this was fine. It put him the faintest bit at ease to think that at least he had someone he could talk to and could lean on a little bit now-- even if only literally.]

Yet you find a way of smiling and being welcoming despite it. That is bravery. These... troubles. They would be too much for anyone to keep in, or have in their head and heart.

[He knew that personally.]

If you ever feel comfortable with it, or when you are ready... then tell me about Franz. Your home, your family. Anything on your mind. I will perhaps sound very dull to you, being from so very long ago; but I doubt the state of the human soul has changed much in so many years.

[All of this he said very, very softly. The trouble was that he did not want to overstep, nor to under-step. He also did not want to speak in such a way that reminded him of what his own friends were suffering, or what had been on his own mind, least he have a moment of weakness where one couldn't be afforded.

Albert's reactions had more or less secured the idea for him that he had to be stronger than he'd like to be, on this ship. He was usually the one to easily cry, to become too moved, to shy away. But as he couldn't bring himself to do any of these things when he could be useful instead; even if just by not doing them; he wouldn't. If everyone was going to break down, then he could not, not right now.

That was that.]

You can rest assured that there is at least one person who will care, whenever you wish to speak.

[With the angle they were sitting at, Jehan wouldn't be able to see, but Albert was smiling again despite his mood. He thought first to address the most obvious problem with that reply:]

... You're not dull at all, Jehan. You're-- intelligent, and brave, and kind ... much more so than I am.

[He pauses and shifts a bit then, taking a bit more time to think over the rest of what Jehan said.]

... I don't ... really want to talk about my family. There's a lot more there that I haven't told you, and none of it is really any good.

But ... I think I'd like talking about Franz, perhaps. If you don't mind terribly hearing about someone you'll probably never meet. Maybe ... in return, you could tell me about someone that's special to you? If you wanted to.

[Predictably, Jehan coloured at Albert's kind words. He didn't think himself especially any of those things, and thought Albert showed great promise for being any of the three. But, as that was not the important topic at hand, he let it be aside from the blushing.

Then gave a soft nod and settled in a bit better.]

I don't mind at all. Tell me about this special person at will, then.

[He was happy to listen, though perhaps less so to return the favour. They'd see, about that part.]

[The thought that Jehan might not be so keen to talk about somebody else in return never even entered Albert's head for a second. He enjoys gushing about the good qualities of the people he loves-- even if it might bring back painful memories. It's the best way he can think of to honour them.]

... We were best friends since childhood. It's funny when I think about it now-- we actually met at his father's funeral. I was so young, I didn't really understand the concept of death back then and why he was so upset. But Franz was always ... more intelligent and mature than me for his age. He was crying ... so I thought I'd try to cheer him up by asking him to play with me. Haha, pretty insensitive, right?

Naturally he yelled at me, so I started crying too. I don't really remember well what happened after that, except that he started cheering me up instead. Even though he was the one who should've been sad ...

That should tell you really what kind of person he was. He's-- the sort of guy who was always thinking about other people, you know? Almost too much. Sometimes I used to get mad at him and say he was clucking like my mother or a girlfriend. Sometimes... sometimes I wish he could've been just a little more selfish.

[It was difficult to speak of his friends at the moment, knowing that all had died. The ones that weren't here, moreso. He'd have no problem expounding upon the goodness of their characters... but it would be difficult to hold his peace in doing so. So, he much preferred listening to Albert's account, cracking a smile at the picture he painted of his friend.]

He sounds like an amazing sort of person. Selflessness is a rare and precious quality. Also... that is very like you. [The smile grew a little.] To mean well... [And mess up, just a bit!]

He sounds like he was very honourable; very good.

[He sniffs and laughs softly when Jehan trails off]

Hey now. What aspersions do you think you're casting on my character? [He says it jokingly.]

Ah... Jehan, he was. You would've liked him a lot, I think. He was always hitting the books pretty hard, since he wanted to go into law. ... Even when he wasn't studying, he was reading some kind of literature for fun instead. I wish-- I wish I'd appreciated him more, instead of getting mad when he was only trying to help me.

[A soft laugh in return, at that. Well-- Albert still had some maturing to do, and plenty of time in which to do it. All signs pointed to a sunny future, in that regard. ...Space ship aside.]

I think I would like him very much, yes. He must have had quite a fondness for you too, enough to see how much you clearly do appreciate him, despite what you say. If it is obvious to me that you care, then it must have been nothing to your very clever law student to notice it too.

[Albert looks uncertain, biting at his bottom lip.]

... Ah. Do you think so? I'm not so sure ... we-- we spent the last few weeks fighting and yelling at each other ...

I'm ... such an idiot.

[A very, very soft laugh her, one hand going to pat Albert's elbow.]

He certainly knew, then. Only the best of friends can bicker like family.

[Albert gives a wet-sounding snort-chuckle, like he isn't sure whether to laugh or cry at that]

Now you're just making things up to make me feel better. I'm sure I've never heard that one before.

No, no! It's very true. For example, if someone upsets me whom I do not know, I tend to let it pass and perhaps, if I am honest, avoid their company. But if it is someone I like very much, I will debate them instead; and seek out their company still, even if we're nagging.

[Granted, it's... very difficult to keep an ongoing arguement with him as he doesn't enjoy arguing and keeps company with reasonable people.

Still... when under the influence of wine, there have been some downright nasty debates that ended in not a single grudge being held.]

It's like that with family at times, too. You don't agree?

Aha... I suppose that's true, isn't it?

Then, you must promise to argue with me always if you disagree with something I've said, Jehan. Though I don't relish the prospect, I dislike even more the idea that I might upset you and not realise it.

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