ataraxion | 002; rude questions [video/action]

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002; rude questions [video/action]

Ladies and gentlemen of the Tranquility, good evening.

[From the video, you can see Albert is seated somewhere in the oxygen gardens, on a wide-open patch of grass. He looks somewhat contemplative.]

I have a-- a somewhat personal question to ask of you all, so don't feel compelled to answer if you don't wish to. [He seems to hesitate, and then he plunges ahead quickly, as if he must ask it before he loses courage.]

How many of you here believed yourselves to have passed away before you woke up in this place?

And-- for those of you who don't want to talk about something quite so morbid, maybe you could tell me what year, or what country, or planet you come from. I'd... really like to hear about other people's homes. As for me-- I'm from Paris, France, the year 5053.

I've also got some tea and plenty of cups to go around here in the garden, if you'd prefer to speak in person. I'd welcome the company, and the chance to meet all of you.

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[Oh. Oh, he'd had no idea that Albert was so young, was-- wasn't even fully grown yet. Fifteen? No wonder, those gently incorrect statements he made. He wasn't so terribly immature, not for his age. To lose a loved one so young-- someone equally in the winter of childhood, about to step into an adult spring-- was awful.

Jehan didn't know anything else about Franz aside from his age and his importance to Albert. It still made his heart twist and his jaw clench.

Children shouldn't suffer so. Early death and early loss.]

It is too soon to be 'perfectly fine'... don't ask it of yourself.

I understand now. Why you asked those questions, regarding death. [He hoped to see him, didn't he? Frowning lightly, he reached out to press a hand over Albert's, briefly.] But death cannot ever take your friend away from you... I know it's of no comfort, but you have him with you so clearly, it's impossible for you not to grow up with him.

Albert, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[He meant it, acutely. It was painful to watch him struggle with a burden that should not have to be.]

I know. ... I know. He's-- always in my heart. I know. But I don't want him there. I want him to be here. I want to yell at him, and cry with him, and laugh with him ... I want to see him roll his eyes at me like I've done something particularly stupid again, or hear him finish the end of my sentences ...

[Taking another deep breath, he clenches his fingers into his crossed-over arms all the more.]

... Thank you, Jehan. I'm sorry I'm such poor company.

[Jehan knew it wasn't good enough... but what else was there to say? Albert was possibly dead himself, on a ship in the middle of nowhere, suspended in time in a place full of strangers, still a child, with a huge and upsetting revelation recently placed on his shoulders. What could anyone possibly say that would make that even a little better?

Aside from just being there, Jehan didn't know. Not that being here was all that effective either.]

Albert... I know. I'm sorry.

He might still come. It isn't anything I can promise or you can rely on, but. Not all hope is lost.

[Maybe that was the only single thing of comfort he could offer, however much a long shot. He did believe in poetic justice, after all. If having your brothers beside you after death wasn't that, then nothing was.]

You're brave to have faced all of this on your own since arriving.

[Being here was more a balm than Jehan could possibly know, even if it didn't look like it right at this particular moment. Even though Albert felt terrible at burdening his new friend with all this-- all this which Jehan still did not even know the half of-- he felt selfishly comforted by having someone there with him. By finally being able to tell of it, instead of trying to keep himself preoccupied every waking moment from dawn until dusk, instead of running on auto-pilot and smiling and chatting with people as if nothing was wrong.

But when the only alternative was lying on your bed in your empty room and looking at the ceiling, being alone with your thoughts... well, that wasn't a very appealing prospect either.]

... I don't know about brave. It's more that-- that it's too difficult to talk about, really.

Not only that, but nobody knows me here. Everybody has their own problems to deal with. They aren't going to care about mine, and it would be rude to ask it of them. It's not the sort of thing you can just easily drop into polite conversation with someone you've just met.

[He sighs, and leans over so his head is resting on Jehan's shoulder casually. It's an easy, familiar kind of gesture-- something he used to do with Franz all the time when they were kids, at least until they'd gotten a bit older and Albert had grown self-conscious.]

... But ... thank you.

[When Albert's head touched his shoulder, Jehan gingerly put his arm around the boy's and then held it like that, keeping him near. Proximity had helped him when he'd first arrived, and if Albert trusted him enough for it to be a help here too, then this was fine. It put him the faintest bit at ease to think that at least he had someone he could talk to and could lean on a little bit now-- even if only literally.]

Yet you find a way of smiling and being welcoming despite it. That is bravery. These... troubles. They would be too much for anyone to keep in, or have in their head and heart.

[He knew that personally.]

If you ever feel comfortable with it, or when you are ready... then tell me about Franz. Your home, your family. Anything on your mind. I will perhaps sound very dull to you, being from so very long ago; but I doubt the state of the human soul has changed much in so many years.

[All of this he said very, very softly. The trouble was that he did not want to overstep, nor to under-step. He also did not want to speak in such a way that reminded him of what his own friends were suffering, or what had been on his own mind, least he have a moment of weakness where one couldn't be afforded.

Albert's reactions had more or less secured the idea for him that he had to be stronger than he'd like to be, on this ship. He was usually the one to easily cry, to become too moved, to shy away. But as he couldn't bring himself to do any of these things when he could be useful instead; even if just by not doing them; he wouldn't. If everyone was going to break down, then he could not, not right now.

That was that.]

You can rest assured that there is at least one person who will care, whenever you wish to speak.

[With the angle they were sitting at, Jehan wouldn't be able to see, but Albert was smiling again despite his mood. He thought first to address the most obvious problem with that reply:]

... You're not dull at all, Jehan. You're-- intelligent, and brave, and kind ... much more so than I am.

[He pauses and shifts a bit then, taking a bit more time to think over the rest of what Jehan said.]

... I don't ... really want to talk about my family. There's a lot more there that I haven't told you, and none of it is really any good.

But ... I think I'd like talking about Franz, perhaps. If you don't mind terribly hearing about someone you'll probably never meet. Maybe ... in return, you could tell me about someone that's special to you? If you wanted to.

[Predictably, Jehan coloured at Albert's kind words. He didn't think himself especially any of those things, and thought Albert showed great promise for being any of the three. But, as that was not the important topic at hand, he let it be aside from the blushing.

Then gave a soft nod and settled in a bit better.]

I don't mind at all. Tell me about this special person at will, then.

[He was happy to listen, though perhaps less so to return the favour. They'd see, about that part.]

[The thought that Jehan might not be so keen to talk about somebody else in return never even entered Albert's head for a second. He enjoys gushing about the good qualities of the people he loves-- even if it might bring back painful memories. It's the best way he can think of to honour them.]

... We were best friends since childhood. It's funny when I think about it now-- we actually met at his father's funeral. I was so young, I didn't really understand the concept of death back then and why he was so upset. But Franz was always ... more intelligent and mature than me for his age. He was crying ... so I thought I'd try to cheer him up by asking him to play with me. Haha, pretty insensitive, right?

Naturally he yelled at me, so I started crying too. I don't really remember well what happened after that, except that he started cheering me up instead. Even though he was the one who should've been sad ...

That should tell you really what kind of person he was. He's-- the sort of guy who was always thinking about other people, you know? Almost too much. Sometimes I used to get mad at him and say he was clucking like my mother or a girlfriend. Sometimes... sometimes I wish he could've been just a little more selfish.

[It was difficult to speak of his friends at the moment, knowing that all had died. The ones that weren't here, moreso. He'd have no problem expounding upon the goodness of their characters... but it would be difficult to hold his peace in doing so. So, he much preferred listening to Albert's account, cracking a smile at the picture he painted of his friend.]

He sounds like an amazing sort of person. Selflessness is a rare and precious quality. Also... that is very like you. [The smile grew a little.] To mean well... [And mess up, just a bit!]

He sounds like he was very honourable; very good.

[He sniffs and laughs softly when Jehan trails off]

Hey now. What aspersions do you think you're casting on my character? [He says it jokingly.]

Ah... Jehan, he was. You would've liked him a lot, I think. He was always hitting the books pretty hard, since he wanted to go into law. ... Even when he wasn't studying, he was reading some kind of literature for fun instead. I wish-- I wish I'd appreciated him more, instead of getting mad when he was only trying to help me.

[A soft laugh in return, at that. Well-- Albert still had some maturing to do, and plenty of time in which to do it. All signs pointed to a sunny future, in that regard. ...Space ship aside.]

I think I would like him very much, yes. He must have had quite a fondness for you too, enough to see how much you clearly do appreciate him, despite what you say. If it is obvious to me that you care, then it must have been nothing to your very clever law student to notice it too.

[Albert looks uncertain, biting at his bottom lip.]

... Ah. Do you think so? I'm not so sure ... we-- we spent the last few weeks fighting and yelling at each other ...

I'm ... such an idiot.

[A very, very soft laugh her, one hand going to pat Albert's elbow.]

He certainly knew, then. Only the best of friends can bicker like family.

[Albert gives a wet-sounding snort-chuckle, like he isn't sure whether to laugh or cry at that]

Now you're just making things up to make me feel better. I'm sure I've never heard that one before.

No, no! It's very true. For example, if someone upsets me whom I do not know, I tend to let it pass and perhaps, if I am honest, avoid their company. But if it is someone I like very much, I will debate them instead; and seek out their company still, even if we're nagging.

[Granted, it's... very difficult to keep an ongoing arguement with him as he doesn't enjoy arguing and keeps company with reasonable people.

Still... when under the influence of wine, there have been some downright nasty debates that ended in not a single grudge being held.]

It's like that with family at times, too. You don't agree?

Aha... I suppose that's true, isn't it?

Then, you must promise to argue with me always if you disagree with something I've said, Jehan. Though I don't relish the prospect, I dislike even more the idea that I might upset you and not realise it.

[That earns a small smile, eyes downcast.

Oh, but Albert was a very good sort, wasn't he? Very caring.]

Then... I promise But let's hope not to argue.

[Aside from Albert's dubious culinary leanings and perhaps some blunt language, Jehan didn't foresee any real problems there.]

Your Franz must have liked you very much to have engaged in it with you for an entire week.

[Half-teased, but... well, he also really meant it.

He couldn't imagine sticking to that kind of a debate unless it was with someone it was better to be around than not, even cross.]

[Albert pulls away suddenly, pulling his knees closer to his chest and resting his forehead on top of them, so that his face is hidden.]

... Yeah. I hope we won't, too.

[...He's said something wrong again, hasn't he? Jehan really isn't used to this. If anything, he's used to being the more sensitive one of his friends, used to concerning himself over sad stories and sympathizing with difficult things.

So why on earth can't he seem to make anyone feel better, even a little bit? While he wouldn't want anyone to pretend, or to glaze over an important issue like the death of a friend in a single conversation... he certainly didn't mean to make things worse.]

Albert?

[Noticing, of course, that he left the other part of the statement be.

Sighing, he reached over, pat his knee, and went to stand.]

I'm sorry. I'm of no help at all.

[He didn't know the situation, the time period, the details. He could make assumptions, but they weren't informed enough. They were clearly only upsetting him.

If Jehan were being honest, he was still more than upset himself; seeing yet another friend this way only tightened the grip on the panic he'd been trying to keep at bay. So,]

Perhaps I'll just head back to my room now.

[He looks up in alarm at that, eyes still wet.]

No!

[And then he looks faintly embarrassed at having been so demanding.]

I mean-- if you want to, I won't stop you, but-- don't leave on my behalf. You've been... more help than you know. Much more. And I enjoy your company immensely. I just...

I still can't come to terms with it yet. That's all.

[Jehan flinched slightly and breathed out the word 'oh' in surprise at Albert's reaction. After a moment's pause, gingerly, he went to sit back down across from him on the grass.

The protest sounded emphatic enough for him not to bother questioning it. While Jehan had an awful, looming feeling that he could only be bound to make this worse, maybe being alone was truly the worst thing for someone grieving.

He hoped Albert could forgive him for being no more useful than simply being there.]

...Of course. I do understand.

[After all, he hadn't come to terms with the deaths of his friends either yet; or even his own.

After another momentary pause, he'd reach across to the tea service, plucked up a napkin and offered that to him lightly. Since Albert's eyes were already wet, for a third time during their conversation...]

There's no shame in crying. I find it helps.

[Taking the napkin gratefully and using it to wipe his eyes, if anything looking even more pink than before. It seems to Albert like he's always being looked after by other people...]

... Thank you. ... I feel like I'm saying that to you a lot, but ... there's not much else I can say that accurately conveys the same thing. So ... thank you.

It's nothing.

[He'd insist, giving a light shake of the head.]

You can keep thanking me and I'll keep apologizing. We'll make a right pair, hm?

[Voice soft, watching the blades of grass now.]

... Mm. Quite a pair indeed.

I'm afraid your tea is probably quite cold by now.

[He's going to finally pick his up and drink it because, well. Can't waste.]

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