ataraxion | ( 2 ; PSA.)

Y'know, since we survived not murdering one another for being clingy (I mean you, Wrench Guy) and escaping the clutches of the Empire, I figure that I should hand out some handy advice:

1.) The ship is going to try and kill you.

2.) Don't try to rewire the roombas to make them go faster, they just freak out and go in circles.

3.) The shuttles in the shuttle bay are terrible and you can't honestly work in those conditions. Whoever did the wiring on the fuel cells to them wasn't even trying. The engine, if you can even call it that, is an absolute joke. It's like they don't want us to escape or something.

4.) Keep your eyes on your own property in the showers.

5.) Then, there's this guy. He goes by Ben or Obi-Wan or whatever ridiculous names that Jedi choose for themselves. This is what is going to happen: he is going to come to you when you make port on the worst possible planet you can imagine (Tatooine: don't go, don't stay), in a hive of the worst people you can possibly imagine and he's going to offer you a job. You will take that job, you will think it is amazing money for very little work. Here's the thing about Obi-Wan, he's going to get you in trouble. He's going to get you caught in a tractor beam and you're going to be stuck in enemy territory that's probably the size of a small moon. And the best part about it? You're not going to get paid. So, in summary: if Obi-Wan Kenobi comes to you and offers you a job, no matter if it's rescuing a Princess, doing his laundry or overall a favor: listen to the bad feeling in your gut, and say no.

Trust me, you'll thank me later.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What if you offer him a job?

[ which is totally what she did. ]

Is the job I'm offering him the opportunity to pay me?

No, you're offering him a job in the therapy department in this scenario.

Still doesn't get me my money.

I'm sensing you're less interested in working the hypothetical and more in getting money.

...you know we work on a barter system up here, right?

Are you serious.

Not a single coin or bill to be found, sorry.

Then I'm going to wring my money's outta him.

Is this a literal wringing? Because I kind of need him in one piece. Plus, like.

It depends how cooperative he is.

You do realize he probably doesn't have your money, right?

I'm still going to be paid for getting into this mess.

Good luck with that, I guess.

Thank you.

...when you figure out the whole money angle is really a bust? Ask someone where to find Jenna, I promise not to say I told you so and hook you up with a bottle from my stash. New kid trauma special.

[ 'special'. she gives her shit away on the reg, please. ]

Maybe he can go tell Jabba the Hutt why I haven't been paid. I'd love to see a Jedi's kneecaps get blasted off.

[ somewhere jenna's college roommates are dying of jealousy. ]

Well, luckily he's not here, so we can leave my employee's kneecaps alone.

Oh, he works for you? Hate to reveal his unworthy nature, but it's better that you know.

He's also a friend-- and I'm kind of a sucker, I just tend to help people out when they ask. I'm weird like that. So I think I'm safe.

As long as you realize that you're a sucker for going along, why not?

See, but when you say it 'sucker' sounds negative. I like a more affectionate spin.

[ now she's mostly just screwing around. ]

(he says it in a more cheerful voice and a very sarcastic smile.) Aren't you an adorable sucker!

Well now you just sound sarcastic.

[ beat. ]

And more than a little suggestive, so maybe I'll table that one.

Then I suggest that you pick one, sweetheart.

Jenna, actually.

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