( 2 ; PSA.)

[carbonite]

Y'know, since we survived not murdering one another for being clingy (I mean you, Wrench Guy) and escaping the clutches of the Empire, I figure that I should hand out some handy advice:

1.) The ship is going to try and kill you.

2.) Don't try to rewire the roombas to make them go faster, they just freak out and go in circles.

3.) The shuttles in the shuttle bay are terrible and you can't honestly work in those conditions. Whoever did the wiring on the fuel cells to them wasn't even trying. The engine, if you can even call it that, is an absolute joke. It's like they don't want us to escape or something.

4.) Keep your eyes on your own property in the showers.

5.) Then, there's this guy. He goes by Ben or Obi-Wan or whatever ridiculous names that Jedi choose for themselves. This is what is going to happen: he is going to come to you when you make port on the worst possible planet you can imagine (Tatooine: don't go, don't stay), in a hive of the worst people you can possibly imagine and he's going to offer you a job. You will take that job, you will think it is amazing money for very little work. Here's the thing about Obi-Wan, he's going to get you in trouble. He's going to get you caught in a tractor beam and you're going to be stuck in enemy territory that's probably the size of a small moon. And the best part about it? You're not going to get paid. So, in summary: if Obi-Wan Kenobi comes to you and offers you a job, no matter if it's rescuing a Princess, doing his laundry or overall a favor: listen to the bad feeling in your gut, and say no.

Trust me, you'll thank me later.

Comments

voice

[supfirehawk]

Are you sure you didn't botch the job yourself and that's why you weren't able to get paid?

voice

[carbonite]

Sister, I don't botch jobs. I got him to the coordinates that he specified and he got me into hot water with the Empire.

voice;

[leaps]

[ sulu meant to respond but he's just snickering. sorry obi-wan. ]

voice;

[carbonite]

Speaking of the crap engines, tell me you had something to do with it so I feel better with what I'm working with?

voice.

[inquisitive]

... have you asked for your payment again since seeing him here?

voice.

[carbonite]

What am I, some chump? Of course I did.

audio;

[darkforce]

[wow he doesn't know where to start with this one, han. there's just so many things wrong with this post. the roombas. the shuttles. tatooine.

no, it's best to go with the most obvious problem with all this.]

You're wrong about Obi-Wan. He is one of the wisest Jedi of all, no matter what you say about him. He wouldn't put you at risk. You clearly found it for yourself.

audio;

[carbonite]

(the roombas can be made to go faster, the shuttles are shit and tatooine is a terrible place where people go only to make bad decisions.)

No, I'm right about the old coot. But, I can't tell you why because that's the future. So, trust me on this okay?

video; because this needed to happen

[talkstoengines]

[Here you go Han, have Kaylee's smiling face on your feed.]

Wiring's shot in most of the shuttles. I could probably try to fix some of 'em with new copper filaments but we haven't stopped to pick up supplies the whole time I've been here.

And what with the fuel shortage, no one's gettin' off this ship 'cept those that vanish.

Anyway, Ben seems like a nice fella! You sure we're talkin' about the same guy?

video;

[carbonite]

Oh, that's just great. We could redo all of them if we just took apart one of the shuttles and use it as one for spares. Get in there, even try to put in a hyperdrive, we could make it more than 1 parsec out there.

Yeah, I'm thinking of the same guy.

[enforced]

I don't know you. Who put you up to this?

[carbonite]

You did. You came to me. In the future.

[cons]

[ Wichita's on camera, holding up fingers with each point ]

1) Told you so.
2) Remind me not to let you anywhere near my Wall-E...
3) See (1)
4) If there's a story to go along with that, I want to hear it.
5) That was some rant. Do you feel better now?

[carbonite]

1.) Try not to be so smug about it.
2.) I was trying to make improvements to the ship. I can't help it if I was just trying to help out around here.
3.) See (1.)
4.) Just a helpful reminder.
5.) I haven't been paid yet, so no.

video;

[suddenlycaptain]

Nice picture.

video;

[carbonite]

Yeah, I'm a real jack of all trades.

video;

[growling]

[ Well, at least it's not him this time. ]

He should have a higher hairline and a bit more beard.

And careful with the roombas, they've got some pretty staunch supporters on-board.

video;

[carbonite]

If you want someone to accurately portra- (wait:) You know the old man?

visual »

[unparental]

What if you offer him a job?

[ which is totally what she did. ]

visual »

[carbonite]

Is the job I'm offering him the opportunity to pay me?

[theshabbiestofmen]

Perhaps it's you.

[carbonite]

No, it's him.

[voice]

[functioningperfectly]

The ship itself is not what will kill you. I think that blame falls directly onto our own shoulders when we aren't careful.

[voice]

[carbonite]

Oh, my mistake. I was the one that made the hallways extend forever and the lifts break. My mistake.

[voice]

[testgasm]

Yeah, uh. Excuse you. Do have a name, in the event you were interested.

[And yet he still answers to Wrench Guy.]

[voice]

[carbonite]

Wrench Guy seems to be doing the trick, though.

[voice]

[jurisimpudent]

Well, everything in this message is repugnant.

[voice]

[carbonite]

Oh, it's you.

AUDIO;

[widowing]

[ wow this is quite a post. ]

Thanks for the heads up.

AUDIO;

[carbonite]

You're welcome.

video;

[thebreakingwave]

I don't know the man you're talking about, but I think I met his cousin.

video;

[carbonite]

Is his cousin gonna pay me?

voice;

[astrogate]

Well you're frakken hilarious.

[ seriously, she needed a good laugh. ]

Thanks.

voice;

[carbonite]

Not the reaction I was going for.

video;

[predictable]

There's another Jedi here, too. [Or at least someone else in the Jedi Order? She didn't ask specifics.] Do you think they're all bad, or is it just that this Kenobi doesn't like you?

[This is a joke. Mostly.]

As for the roombas, I just don't think you've tried hard enough yet.

video;

[carbonite]

Listen, if you're from when I'm from, you learn not to trust those crazy people.

(but he's being totally seriously.)

Maybe if I added more fuel cells.

video;

[legiondary]

If he owes you money, why don't you just steal it?

[ this is common sense to a dwarf raised in dust town, but she is not helping. ]

video;

[carbonite]

Didn't you get the memo? There's no money here.