ataraxion | Video! You are spared the trolltext.

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Video! You are spared the trolltext.

[Hello Tranquility, have a grey-skinned, bull-horned kid with a stutter. He's tinged with a slight orangey-brown blush, because addressing an entire ship is kind of a big deal!]

Hi, everyone! Uh. I'm Tavros and as you can, I guess, probably see, I'm a troll. Or, if you can't see, please know that I am that. I do not want to exclude anyone, based on their preferred mode of sensory input.

So, I want to offer to anyone who is experiencing difficulty with an animal, because there are some on the ship apparently, my skills of communing with them, to better understand and change their behavior, and thus end any difficulties experienced. I, uh, definitely want everyone to know that I am here to be helpful in whatever way I can, basically!

[This is important! You don't get to be in the fleet if you're dead weight.]

On that note, the being-helpful one, uh, I guess since there are a lot of trolls now, and the ship has a lot of humans, or other species that now look human, if you have questions about how troll society works, I will try to answer them. Uh, our culture is pretty different, and misunderstandings may occur. Possibly someone has done this already, but I thought I would offer also. I am, uh, generally pretty open to cultural exchange, and that sort of thing, and it would, I guess, be good to work together while we're all stuck here.

Um. That's all. Bye.

[Okay, kid, good job, you did it. Now spend a willpower point to not throw the comm out the door and cower in your blanketpile.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

oKAY!
hERE GOES!
gET RRRRREADY TO BE TROLLLLLED!
iF THERE IS A SOUND SYSTEM NEARBY,
pLEASE CONSIDER TUNING IT TO THE STRICTEST BEATS THIS SHIP CAN PRODUCE,
aND THEN LIE BACK AND ASSUME THE POSITION,
oF READINESS FOR THE POUNDING YOU ARE IMMINENTLY TO RECEIVE!
hEEEEERE WEEEEE GO!
kICK IT!
sO TAKE A LOOK UP THERE AT THIS DORK NAMED jOHN,
wHO THINKS HE'S HOT SHIT BUT THE FIRE'S NOT ON,
hE KNOWS A LOT OF TROLLS OR SO HE THINKS,
bUT REALLY HIS GRASP,
(oF THE SITUATION WE ARE CURRENTLY IN,)
tOTALLY STINKS!
hE THINKS HE'S ON TOP, tHAT HE HAS THE BULL BY THE HORNS,
bUT THIS TROLL'S HERE TO SHOW YOU HOW THEY ARE WORN,
nOT SOME IMAGINARY ELF OR A FICTIONAL FAIRY,
i AM HANDING YOU YOUR ASS WHICH IS ALL RED WHERE WE,
cAN SEE THE BURNS THAT i HAVE DEALT TO YOU,
iN A SHAPE OF A CIRCLE AND SOME HORNS,
(wHICH IS THE SHAPE OF THE BRAND THAT i PUT THERE USING THE BURNS MENTIONED,)
yOU CAN'T DENY THAT IT IS TRUE,
jOHN THINKS TROLLS ARE GREAT, wHO ARE REALLY JUST MEAN,
aND COMMITTED THE WORST CRIMES, THE INCIPISPHERE'S SEEN,
sHE MADE JACK HAPPEN, YOU FOOL, wHY DO YOU THINK i FOUGHT HER,
sOMEONE HAD TO MAKE HER PAY, fOR INSPIRING ALL THE SLAUGHTER,
aND BEING MEAN TO JADE, mUCH LESS TO YOURS TRULY,
tHOUGH SHE STABBED ME THROUGH THE HEART AND i FELL CORPSEFULLY,
(hA, tHAT WAS SWEEEET!)
(tHE RHYME, i MEAN, nOT THE THING THAT HAPPENED,)
(aNYWAY,)
sO BEFORE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE, tHAT'S DEBASED, fROM MY RHYMES WHICH ARE ALL ACE,
gET YOURSELF SCHOOLFED, hAVE SOME BREAD MADE FROM TRUTHSEEDS,
aND MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU WON'T BE BEATEN BY A HERO WHOSE DEEDS,
wERE ADMITTEDLY NOT THE BEST, bUT YOU KNOW i SPEAK THE TRUTH,
sO i HOPE YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH FROM ME, yOU PROUD AND INSOLENT YOUTH!

oh...
um...
i... think that was some good trolling?
yeah, that was way trolling.
mad trolling
so much trolling.
unless you're not done?
in which case that was some great half-trolling!
keep up the good work!

wELL,
aRE YOU FEELING SUFFICIENTLY DEVASTATED,
tHAT WE CAN BE FRIENDS?
i, uH, tHOUGHT THAT IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD LINE TO END ON,
bUT, iF YOU ARE NOT SUBDUED ENOUGH,
fOR THE FRIENDSHIP DISEASE TO TAKE HOLD,
i CAN ATTEMPT TO ENGENDER MORE SICKNESS IN YOU,
wITH FURTHER BURNS,

oh!
do we need to troll each other before we can become friends?
i thought we already were...
also, friendship is an emotion and not a disease.

rEALLY???
wOW, i THINK IT WOULD BE GOOD IF WE WERE JUST FRIENDS!
aND ALSO, i SHOULD SAY, i DO NOT ACTUALLY THINK YOU ARE A DUMMY,
aG CAN BE PRETTY PERSUASIVE,
aND, i GUESS, aLSO NOT AAAAALWAYS TERRIBLE,
jUST MAYBE TO ME, bECAUSE,
i WAS NOT VERY GOOD AT DOING THE THINGS SHE WANTED,
oR ANYTHING IN GENERAL,
aLTHOUGH,,,i AM TRYING TO CHANGE THAT,
aND i THINK THAT YOU, aND ALSO DAVE,
aRE VERY INSPIRING, fOR A GUY WHO IS FIGURING OUT SELF-CONFIDENCE,
eVEN THOUGH IT IS HARD TO HAVE THAT,
wITHOUT LEGS THAT ARE WORKING!

it's ok, tavros!
i think you are ok the way you are.
and it's ok if you think i'm a dummy and stuff, because i'm not mad.
or laughing.
definitely not laughing.
anyway, you can be her, and i don't think it's good that she killed you!
she is just my friend and you can be my friend now, too.
except i won't troll you back or anything.
you can totally have self-confidence, though.
dave really loves it when people ride on his back!
he especially loves it when you pet his hair and tell him "whoa horsey."
i have seen it happen, and it is a little weird!
but you two will be fast friends.

sOUNDS LIKE HE AND eQUIUS WOULD HAVE,
pROBABLY,
bEEN GOOD FRIENDS TOO, tHEN,
uH, tHANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE, jOHN,
aND FOR NOT TROLLING,
tHOUGH IF YOU EVER WANT TO HAVE A RAP BATTLE,
tHEN THAT COULD BE FUN!
i DO THAT WITH MY BRO gAMZEE A LOT,
hE IS THE BEST AT IT!
aND ONLY REALLY SMART NOT-DUMMY GUYS SHOULD PARTICIPATE,
wHICH IS WHY i INVITE YOU TO DO SO,
aS YOU QUALIFY AS THOSE THINGS,
}:)

oh, gee, that sounds like a lot of fun except that's more dave...
but you know the thing about gamzee right?
because this is really awkward, knowing things!
but i guess it's better than not knowing things.

uH, nO, nOW i DON'T KNOW AGAIN,
wHAT YOU MEAN,
uH, wHAT ABOUT gAMZEE?

karkat was really upset when he was talking to me so i don't really know...
but the part about him killing and stuff?
you probably already know about that, haha!
anyway, dave is really nice and stuff but you have to be careful or he'll get a crush on you.

wAIT,
wAIT,
lET'S, mAYBE, mAKE THE THING WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BE gAMZEE AGAIN,
wHAT DO YOU MEAN THE KILLING?
gAMZEE MAY BE AN INDIGOBLOOD,
bUT HE'S REALLY CHILL AND NICE,
hE DIDN'T EVEN TROLL ANYONE,
}:?

i don't know!
i don't know a lot, because karkat was really sad.
i think i can get why.
i do not know why gamzee killed them, or if he did at all.
karkat just told me he did.
but he also said that gamzee was a really good friend of his.
trolls are hard to get sometimes, but i don't think that's really that bad.
we are a lot alike.
but trolls sometimes are sad.
that is the worrying part.

uM,
i HAVE TO SAY,
iF THIS IS SOME ATTEMPT TO TROLL ME BACK,
wHILE i APPRECIATE THE GESTURE,
iT'S NOT REALLY VERY FUNNY,
kARKAT WOULDN'T JOKE ABOUT A THING LIKE THAT,
eVEN IF MOST OF THE TIME HE JUST YELLS AT gAMZEE,
gAMZEE SAYS HE IS HIS BEST FRIEND,
sO, pROBABLY, iF YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW,
iT IS NOT A NICE RUMOR TO SPREAD,
tHAT A SWEET GUY LIKE MY BRO IS CULLING PEOPLE,
wHICH IS NOT A THING THAT i CAN IMAGINE HE WOULD EVER DO,
}:/

i am really not trolling you!
i feel really bad because vriska killed you and vriska is my friend so i am being SUPER nice to you!
maybe karkat said the wrong name, but i don't know!
he also said that gamzee was a very nice troll!
or something like that, he says fuck a lot.
he said gamzee was his best friend.
and i really remember that because i think i sorta got what he was trying to say.
but he said troll things are hard and he would not tell me what happened.
anyway, i am not spreading the rumor or anything.
i haven't told anyone else because i didn't think it was relevant?
i wouldn't have told you if i didn't think you already knew and/or possibly might get killed again!
you don't have to believe me, but i am telling the truth?

kARKAT DOES SAY FUCK A LOT,
i THINK IT IS NOT THAT i DON'T BELIEVE YOU,
lYING ABOUT THIS IS, uH, nOT SOMETHING YOU HAVE A REASON TO DO,
bUT THAT IT IS NOT SOMETHING i WANT TO BELIEVE,
nO MATTER WHO WAS TELLING ME!
}:(
i GUESS THINGS WERE GETTING, uH, kIND OF TENSE,
oN THE METEOR, aFTER OUR SESSION FAILED,
aND YOURS WAS GETTING COMPLICATED BECAUSE OF jACK,
iF kARKAT WERE HERE, tHAT WOULD BE A GOOD THING,
aND WOULD ADD CLARIFICATION, bUT i'M GLAD HE SAID THAT,
bECAUE i PROMISE, gAMZEE REALLY IS, a VERY NICE TROLL!
mAYBE YOU CAN MEET HIM NOW,
aND WE WILL ALL LAUGH AT THE, i GUESS, sHENANIGANS,
oF SESSIONS PAST?

ha ha, i want karkat here, too...
it's ok.
i will just ask gamzee and maybe gamzee will know?
that sounds like a good idea.
but you should also be careful because if you're killed again that would be really terrible!
i will try to talk to him.
but if you still feel bad you can try to troll me again?
i mean troll.
not try, troll!
last time, i got so schooled, i got a college education because you are very good at making fun of things!
man, i am so nice.

yEAH! mAN, iT SEEMS LIKE WE ARE ALL HERE,
fROM DIFFERENT POINTS IN THE TIMELINE,
wHICH MAKES THINGS, kIND OF, cONFUSING!
bUT IT'S OK YOU HAVE A FULL DIPLOMA FROM AN ACCREDITED UNIVERSITY,
oF EXTREMELY STRICT INCENDIARY EDUCATORS,
i THINK THAT WE ARE GOOD NOW,
aND NO FURTHER TROLLINGS NEED OCCUR,
aLSO, yOU ARE PRETTY NICE, jOHN!

aw, shucks.
i ain't nuttin' special.
it's pretty weird that people are on different times, though...
maybe i can ask dave about that and he will know?
or rose or jade because they know everything.
blargh!!!
why do time shenanigans have to be so headachey?

bLAAARGH, hA HA, yES!
i DON'T KNOW WHY, tHEY DIDN'T SEEM AS BAD WHEN IT WAS JUST US,
tROLLING AND WATCHING YOU GUYS, aT DIFFERENT TIMES,
bUT NOW WE ARE ALL HAVING WEIRD TIME THINGS,
aND ALSO WEIRD DIMENSION THINGS,
aND MORE THAN TWO UNIVERSES!
wHEN IT COMES TO SHENANIGANS,
tHE TRANQUILITY IS, pROBABLY,
tHE MOST CONFUSING THERE IS!

bluh.
that's such a weird name for a ship.
it should really be called STUPIDquility.
i don't really have that much to complain about, though...
all my friends are here and stuff!
that's really great.
or most of them...
and you have gamzee and jade and possibly dave.

iT IS SORT OF TRANQUIL, tHOUGH,
oNLY IN A CREEPY WAY,
tHAT IS NOT VERY PEACEFUL,
sO YEAH, mAYBE gHOSTHEDRAL WOULD BE A BETTER NAME
oR hORRORCRUISE,
oR SOMETHING?
bUT i AM GLAD ALL OF THE HUMANS ARE HERE,
aND SOME OF THE TROLLS,
iT MAKES ME FEEL LESS WORRIED,
bECAUSE WE MAYBE KNOW WE CAN WORK TOGETHER,
aND AT LEAST HERE THERE IS, pROBABLY, nOTHING TRYING TO KILL US,
sO FAR!
}:)

that's kinda a really sad way to put it!
but i guess you're right.
except jack noir is here and stuff.
but other than that, at least it is not killquaility.
i wouldn't be able to pronounce it.

sORRY, i DID GET,
kIND OF,
dOWN, tHERE, fOR A MINUTE,
mAYBE WE COULD VOTE TO RENAME IT,
sOMETHING LIKE sTRICTSHIP, oR rUMPUSCRAFT,
oR vICEOUSLYAWESOMEVESSEL,
(bECAUSE WE WOULD NOT, pROBABLY, wANT JUST vICIOUSVESSEL,
pEOPLE MIGHT, pOSSIBLY, gET THE WRONG IDEA THERE,)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Video! You are spared the trolltext.

oh god how do I even Tavros...

those beats were so ill tavros should just check himself into a hospital

Him or me, man.

share wards it is perfect

omg no he'd just hog the TV watching pokemon and yu gi oh all the time :|

call him out on his bullshit and milk him for all he's worth

Re: call him out on his bullshit and milk him for all he's worth

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SO LATE ...These two are never going to make any sense.