video/text ★ 005

[herocomplex]

YO. WHAT IS UP MY HOMESLICES. America here! If you don't know me yet, it's awesome to meet you...! I'm probably one of the coolest cats on this ship, so you should be my friend and give me all your positive attention! I carry a gun, so if you need a hero or anything, I'm the guy to talk to! I also work in the gunnery if you have any questions regarding that!
My super awesome Tony bro spoke with you all a few days ago; if you have questions regarding him or how I'm the embodiment of a country, you're being too nosy and curious, but feel free to ask! It's complicated and you probably won't understand jack-shit!

Right! So, how is everybody recovering from that jump? It seems like we're going to be doing that a lot and I really don't appreciate being excluded from shit happening by being put in a chamber all the time; do you? It's like all secretive and bull crap and I don't like it. We could be literally ANYWHERE in space or time or worlds or WHATEVER with stuff like that happening! That's right! You should totally be freaked out about all of this!
Once you're done soaking that slice of info in, I'll tell you a way you can make the stress and panic level go down.

[ a very brief pause. ]

--Okay!! So, I've seen people asking around as to what there is to do around here besides solving what our purpose is here. As important as that is, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, right? Am I right or am I right? I need a stress reliever or something; not like I'm weak or anything. Hahahhahaa! But you know what I mean! Anybody feeling antsy? Sort of bored?

That is why I am proposing something here! What if we started a sports team or something?
A good American sport! I'm talking about BASEBALL. Surely there's a place on here large enough for some baseball or something, right? Anybody interested in forming a team?
If not baseball, weekly poker night somewhere should happen! Or any other suggestions! The ones you give me will probably be stupid, but I'll listen anyway!
You see, I get really bored and creative when all I'm doing is work... and I have a chainsaw. And it works really well, I have found out. I'm sort of really wanting something else to occupy my time right now! Cocaine and drawing dicks only does so much!

ATTENTION COUNTRIES: On the topic of work, I've been arranging our second world conference for the nation representatives (you know who you are!) and it is scheduled for tomorrow night. There is still some information lacking, so I did the liberty to fill it out cause a few of you guys are jackasses and wouldn't do it! Look, I did a kickass job cause you guys are dicks; you should thank me for doing your work for you! Hahahahaa!

Here I go:

[ And here, America sends out a text. ]

HUMAN NAME: Francis Bonerfoy
COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: the nation of cheese and garlic
LANGUAGE(S): honhonhonhon
DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: I have ze dick, s'il vous plait.
WHAT YEAR IS IT: I do not care because I am le tired.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION: Non! I have only been affiliated with my ego!
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL: Non!
DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER: Absolutely non!
ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: NON I AM SO OFFENDED BY EVERYTHING YOU SAY BECAUSE I AM FRENCH.
IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: ZE FRENCH KIND WITH ZE BAGUETTES.
DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): I ONLY SPELL IN ZE FRENCH.
TEA OR COFFEE: WINE BECAUSE I AM A WINO.
ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: I owe Mr. America my life! He is my hero!
DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING:  See above!
ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): NON.
ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): OUI OUI OUI OUI.
ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: garlic.
DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON: NON!
WHO WON THE COLD WAR: Mr. America of course! Ahh, he is such a hero!
DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles): I HATE ZE BRITISH MORE THAN ANYTHING IN ZE ENTIRE WORLD. FUCK THEM. I AM FRENCH.
IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR: OUI HE IS ALWAYS MY HERO.
IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO: HE IS ALWAYS MY HERO.
CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: OUI I ONLY DREAM OF HAVING A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.


HUMAN NAME: Ivan Boobganski
COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: THE COMMUNIST COUNTRY OF RUSSIA. We are Communist and secret about it, da.
LANGUAGE(S): COMMUNST-ESE.
DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: Da. A very small dick.
WHAT YEAR IS IT: I am too drunk and fat to know.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION: Da.
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL: Da.
DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER: Da.
ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: Da.
IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: Communist.
DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): Da.
TEA OR COFFEE: Vodka.
ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: Da.
DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: Da.
ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): Da.
ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): Allies.
ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: Da.
DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON: Da.
WHO WON THE COLD WAR: Mr. America by default.
DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles): Da.
IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR: Da. I am so envious of him and his muscles.
IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO: Da.
CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: Da.

IN YOUR DREAMS. RUSSIA.

Alright! Thanks a lot for your time! And all you countries, I'll see you tomorrow in room 176!

[click!]

[[ ooc; a log for the countries will go up tomorrow night at 7 PM EST. don't worry if you can't make it for some reason!
EDIT: i lied. IT'LL ACTUALLY GO UP TUESDAY NIGHT, ROUGHLY AROUND 9 PM EST. hope you all can make it. ]]

Comments

Voice

[walksonrooftops]

You were the one who sent in all those drawings of penises?

[This is your sidekick being very disappointed, America.]

And by the way, what's a hamburger? [Sherlock had mentioned that the culprit must have consumed copious amounts of them. Too bad Asato had no clue what a hamburger is supposed to be.]

video;

[herocomplex]

Asato!! Buddy! How are you hanging, man? I feel like I haven't heard from you!!

---I--- don't know what you're talking about! Maybe I was drawing dicks just for the sake of drawing dicks!

_{[ he'll... not answer that question because his brain chooses to ignore that bit about hamburgers. ]}

ah what the heck casually switches to video....

[walksonrooftops]

It'd be a very strange coincidence.

[Oh dear goddess is he really going to have to investigate him, he doesn't want to do that but--

He's just going to lower his ears and give him a puzzled look instead. It's probably not something that merits punishment, just a scolding, but how do you scold America?]

1/?

[za_rodina]

[Russia reads that all with the blankest of stares. For a moment he's silent and then he goes back and searches for those forms again. Time to fill it out right.]

2/3

[za_rodina]

HUMAN NAME:
Альфред Джонс. My name in Russian, yo. Because it is cool and so is communism.
COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE:
The incredibly idiotic nation of burgers and communism.
LANGUAGE(S):
Stupid,and English.
DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS:
I like to say I have a big dick but actually I don't.
WHAT YEAR IS IT:
Who cares? I am communist.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION:
Yes.
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL:
No
DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER:
Yes.
ARE YOU A COMMUNIST:
Communism rules.
IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT:
I am communist
DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour):
I do now
TEA OR COFFEE:
Vodka all day every day
ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT:
Yes
DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING:
I owe Russia an apology for not being communist with him earlier.
ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH):
No.
ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH):
allies
ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY:
I am communist now.
DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON:
Yes because past America was idiotic and should have joined Russia.
WHO WON THE COLD WAR:
Communism did
DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles):
Yes because tea sucks.
IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR:
Heroes are silly capitalist things and I am only communist now.
IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO:
Lenin is my hero.
CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: No because I have become one with Russia.

3/3

[za_rodina]

There, now your set is complete, da?

1.2

[herocomplex]

_{[ reading all of that is actually sort of terrifying to him. Not funny, man. ]}

2.2

[herocomplex]

--Oh yeah, that's real funny, man! Taking my sort of material of dickery and twisting it up.
It's your fault you didn't fill it out correctly to start with!

I like how you're not taking this serious at all.

[video]

[lookingsharp]

What do you do with your chainsaw?

[herocomplex]

Chainsaw things!!! Like cutting shit up, appearing awesome with it and revving it up!

_{[ what. were you expecting a mature answer? ]}

[video]

[lookingsharp]

That doesn't sound very creative.

1/2

[tenthousandyears]

[What is she looking at... no really. What. She's not ready for this. It's like America-san! ...Except honestly less violent. And less boob envy. ...Maybe this isn't so bad.]

[video]

[tenthousandyears]

[...Well. Here she goes. Heaven favor her.]

America-san! A question. If you please!

[ text ]

[fourseasons]

Baseball would be nice to watch...

Ah, but America-san, could you spare a moment of your time? I have something I would like to discuss.

text;

[herocomplex]

Abbbbbbsolutely! Anything for you, Japan.
Japan my main man,
Japan is my main man,
Keepin things chill,
Up in my grill,
With his hospitality.

I dig it, bro
Somebody who ain't a foe,
Somebody who's a dude,
And put me in a fucking awesome mood.

THAT'S MY MAIN MAN JAPAN. ★

audio;

[turnthiscityon]

You know what would be better than baseball, and even better than poker?

A rock band.

Several rock bands.

Think about it.

audio;

[herocomplex]

_{[ He listens.. and.. c o n s i d e r s. ]}

Holy shit! What a great idea; I'm glad I thought of that!
One problem, though, and I guess we have an issue with this too: do we actually have the supplies to not get bored? I've explored this ship a bit, but mainly the technical side of it and not recreational.

video;

[constructum]

[ SERIOUSLY WHAT KIND OF PERSON LETS YOU CARRY A WEAPON? ]


What exactly have you been doing with the chainsaw?

video;

[herocomplex]

Oh, you know... typical chainsaw things.
Ari, what is up, dude. It feels like I haven't heard from you in awhile.

Was it you that wanted to make a map or am I getting confused?
ALL THESE HOT CHICKS ON THIS SHIP. I get them all mixed up, man.

Blows. You're lucky I even got your name right...

_{I did get your name right... right?}

Video.

[bottlearum]

...What is an America?

[Yes, he is completely serious.

video;

[herocomplex]

Oh great! So now we have people running around dressed like Jack Sparrow! That's REALLY ORIGINAL, MAN. Pretty cool, but seriously!

Come on! It's the greatest country on the entire planet!

[ voice ;; locked ]

[darkholme]

Hey. Um. We talked a little while ago, I think. About powers? [VAGUE but whatever, she's curious. she's also not actually wearing this face, but she's got the same voice she used for her. details, details. like he'll even remember.]

Did this jump mess with yours all over again? --or, wait, you said you're immortal, right? I can't exactly remember, sorry. My point though! Is that I've been having trouble since this second jump and I'm trying to figure out how to prevent that.

voice; perma-locked 100%

[herocomplex]

You sound like one of those hot chicks on this ship! Hahhaaa!
Uhhh. Gee, I don't know, I don't remember. Keep in mind I've slept and taken cocaine since I've probably spoken to you...

_{[ don't worry! I REMEMBER YOU. ]}

You're having trouble, though? Like what kind of trouble?

1/2

[france]

[ Usually, the following slew of rapid-fire French curses would be far too difficult for anyone to understand, let alone America. But thanks to the help of the handy-dandy nanites, America and whoever else may be listening gets a free show of French curses translated into a language they might understand. ]

Whore! Whore of shit of a brothel of shit! You ass, you are breaking my balls! You complete idiot whore of a shit country of whores! Do you think this to be funny? Now this ship will think this is fact, and the only thing that is fact is that you are a whore and an idiot and a pauper and a peasant and a complete moron!

[ Okay. Time to collect yourself France. He pulls back a deep breath, closing his eyes before running a hand through his hair. ] No worries. Shit. Of course, no worries.

2/2

[france]

[ And now he's all right. And smiling. ]

Okay. If we are starting anything, it will be a football team, as baseball is very boring. And I will go to this meeting, provided you are not the speaker. You know, we are not here with our presidents, I do not have to like you for the sake of Sarkozy.

[ All punctuated with a smile. See? He can be friendly. ]