Video. 5.

[touchie]

Just in case anyone was wondering, I didn't grow a beard and I didn't acquire an alarming amount of sass.

[ That's a good way to start, Ned. ]

Face-alikes are as common as common can get around here, but I'm not one for big jokes. If the beard isn't a reliable tell, let it be his jokes. Here's a joke: Why did the chicken cross the road? [ Wait for it, wait for itttt... ] Not sure, I don't eat chicken.

PSA done, Pie Maker out.

Comments

video

[touchie]

And how is that?

[ He's not even clear on what the man is referring to, but the question practically vomits out. ]

video

[doggedly]

[Matter-of-factly, as if this is the most commonplace mundane thing in the world:] Change the way he looks, of course. Or you. But you probably like looking like yourself--unless you don't, which if that's the case, speak now or forever hold your peace.

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[touchie]

I do.

[ This pause hangs for a long, long moment until his thought resumes. ]

I think he is fine with his beard and I am with my non-beard, thank you.

video

[doggedly]

Yeah? Only everyone is still going to confuse you. Doesn't have to be a beard, y'know. It could be a unibrow. A weird mole. Sudden blond hair. Anything. And you wouldn't look like one another any longer, which would be a great deal clearer than telling questionable jokes.

Just saying. The offer's there.

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[touchie]

[ Wait.

A.

Minute. ]

You're actually... offering...?

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[doggedly]

'Course I am! It's sickening, thinking of a man, forced to look like another man. Practically obligated to offer.

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[touchie]

OkayI'mgoingtogoaheadandsayit—there's something suspicious about that.

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[doggedly]

You what! What's suspicious about offering to help you!

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[touchie]

The context of that offering, of course.

[ LOOK AT HIS FACE. That is HORROR. ]

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[doggedly]

So... the context here being someone being friendly and selfless and, I repeat, offered to help.

[Slightly wounded, he shakes his head.]

What has made you so paranoid and so keen to distrust honest help, I do wonder.

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[touchie]

I know, I know. [ And now there's that slight look of guilt. He throws up his hands and waves, physically trying to calm this silly little situation. ]

Habit, I guess. I've just never been offered something like this, that's all.

[ And maybe he should leave it alone, feelings spared. ]

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[doggedly]

Few have!

[That's the sort of thing a genie in a lamp in a muggle story might say, right? Yeah.]

It's an opportunity, that's for sure, and one that doesn't come around multiple times. Except as I've nothing better to do, I s'ppose it could come around multiple times. And I have such a good heart, I do so love to help people, et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum.

We could do a test, if you're this uncertain.

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[touchie]

[ Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tock. ]

Okay. What is this 'test?'

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[doggedly]

[heh.]

Half a beard.

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[touchie]

Fine.

[ This is probably a terrible idea and he looks very guilty about it already. ]

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[doggedly]

Brilliant!

[And he's already got his wand in his hand, as if he's going to do this right here right now! Which-- he very well might be. Who can say. But okay first... a pause.]

Er, just to clarify. Half a beard on-- you? Or him?

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[touchie]

Him.

[ THIS REALLY IS TERRIBLE. ]

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[doggedly]

Right! [All uncertainty is gone now, and he moves on, briskly, cheerfully:]

Right! Him! Half a beard, coming right up--I'll tell him it's from you if he asks!

Thanks!

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[touchie]

[ What. ]

[touchie]

[ WHAT. ]

[touchie]

[ WHAT. ]