what makes him a bad buddy? hmmm... it's really hard, because i don't think i've ever had a bad buddy? all my friends are the best, and they try really hard. i might be a bad buddy to you, because you don't like people! so i might be annoying you? but i like you and i like talking to you! so you can be my good buddy and i'll be your bad buddy.
yeah! you're really nice! and even though i was kinda mad because you wouldn't tell me if you were ok, maybe that's an adult thing? but you can tell me when you're not ok. i can help, even though i might not be SUPER SMART or SUPER STRONG or SUPER MYSTERIOUS... but my friends are! i can ask them to help.
i'm really not that great, though! i mean, i'll always help if you need help. but they're really a lot better. rose is the smartest and dave is the biggest jerk and jade knows everything. or maybe i won't tell them your name or anything! i will just say, jodie foster needs your help. they will come running!
i am not sure if you are telling me no or if you want to wear me? because it's ok if it's the first! they are my friends and they are trustworthy, but it's ok. you're my buddy, too. if it's the second, then i am not very warm? i don't think so, anyway... i don't actually know your name, though? will you tell me, or do i need to ask a lot of times like before?
heh, ok! i will do my best to be only me, even though it's hard. aberdeen's a nice name, though! i am john egbert and i am actually secretly a way cool guy.
no... i just mean, i'm not that great without my friends. but it's ok, because i will do my best! you may have heard my friends before, though? my friend, dave, just did an announcement?
and he is weirdly into dicks. i am not getting into that with him! but he's a really good friend! also, he wets himself sometimes. but we are still good friends.
no! gross! what the hell! i don't want to know that! that is so gross! that is so ginormously gross! i don't ever want to think about bird dicks again! i don't think i can eat lunch! or dinner! possibly breakfast, it is hard to tell time on a spaceship! but that is so gross! that is incredibly gross! no!
man up for what! i am not manning up for BIRD DICKS! i don't even want to know that birds have dicks! and he is my friend! i totally don't want to think of him as having a bird dick and i don't even know what a bird dick is!
he started bird dicking first??? nothing makes sense! i don't want to hear about it! the weather is very nice today! i don't know, we don't have weather! but if we did, it would be NICE!
not BIRD DICKS! bluh bluh bluh!!! i guess... i guess i like being with my friends and watching movies and having fun. also magic tricks! that are without any bird dicks. oh god, why do i keep saying that. i like video games, too. but i mostly watch movies and stuff. what do you like?
i know you're really interested in that stuff! but dave isn't available! he is off the market! i used to have a diagram and everything, he marries jade! and don't let him seduce you with his feathery charm! i know it's hard to resist, but you can't date his bird butt!!! and i am a little disturbed that you want to! stop bringing up his thing, i don't want to think about it!!!
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[text] halkdjfla i cant
[text]
hmmm...
it's really hard, because i don't think i've ever had a bad buddy?
all my friends are the best, and they try really hard.
i might be a bad buddy to you, because you don't like people!
so i might be annoying you?
but i like you and i like talking to you!
so you can be my good buddy and i'll be your bad buddy.
[text]
[ Okay, that is seriously a first, kid. ]
[text]
you're really nice!
and even though i was kinda mad because you wouldn't tell me if you were ok, maybe that's an adult thing?
but you can tell me when you're not ok.
i can help, even though i might not be SUPER SMART or SUPER STRONG or SUPER MYSTERIOUS...
but my friends are!
i can ask them to help.
[text]
no.
just you.
[text]
i mean, i'll always help if you need help.
but they're really a lot better.
rose is the smartest and dave is the biggest jerk and jade knows everything.
or maybe i won't tell them your name or anything!
i will just say, jodie foster needs your help.
they will come running!
[text]
[text]
because it's ok if it's the first!
they are my friends and they are trustworthy, but it's ok.
you're my buddy, too.
if it's the second, then i am not very warm?
i don't think so, anyway...
i don't actually know your name, though?
will you tell me, or do i need to ask a lot of times like before?
[text]
deal?
[ After a few moments, another message comes through. ]
aberdeen.
[text]
i will do my best to be only me, even though it's hard.
aberdeen's a nice name, though!
i am john egbert and i am actually secretly a way cool guy.
[text]
[text]
i just mean, i'm not that great without my friends.
but it's ok, because i will do my best!
you may have heard my friends before, though?
my friend, dave, just did an announcement?
[text]
you're weird.
with sherlock.
he likes the word 'fuck'.
[text]
i am not getting into that with him!
but he's a really good friend!
also, he wets himself sometimes.
but we are still good friends.
[text]
or so he says.
[text]
gross!
what the hell!
i don't want to know that!
that is so gross!
that is so ginormously gross!
i don't ever want to think about bird dicks again!
i don't think i can eat lunch!
or dinner!
possibly breakfast, it is hard to tell time on a spaceship!
but that is so gross!
that is incredibly gross!
no!
[text]
man up, john.
[text]
i am not manning up for BIRD DICKS!
i don't even want to know that birds have dicks!
and he is my friend!
i totally don't want to think of him as having a bird dick and i don't even know what a bird dick is!
[text]
[text]
nothing makes sense!
i don't want to hear about it!
the weather is very nice today!
i don't know, we don't have weather!
but if we did, it would be NICE!
[text]
tell me something you do like.
[text]
bluh bluh bluh!!!
i guess...
i guess i like being with my friends and watching movies and having fun.
also magic tricks!
that are without any bird dicks.
oh god, why do i keep saying that.
i like video games, too.
but i mostly watch movies and stuff.
what do you like?
[text]
[ Look, John, she's trolling you. That's clearly a good sign. ]
[text]
but dave isn't available!
he is off the market!
i used to have a diagram and everything, he marries jade!
and don't let him seduce you with his feathery charm!
i know it's hard to resist, but you can't date his bird butt!!!
and i am a little disturbed that you want to!
stop bringing up his thing, i don't want to think about it!!!
[text]
body modification.
linguistics.
computers.
[text]
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;
video;