ataraxion | video ★ 004

[ Fair warning, this alien is rather foul mouthed. He only mimics what he has learned from America. ]

Fucking. Fucking. Fuck.

_{[ This is heard telepathically to all watching the video, followed by some tongue clicking as he turns the device on.
Hi Ataraxion. Have +1 grey alien leaning into the communicator and holding it a bit lopsided at first before pulling the communicator away from him and setting it on a hard surface. He crouches down so he's in the camera view again before beginning to eat form a back of chips. ]}

Ahh, fucking. It seems we have to go through this process a whole fucking lot! Mmmmm, negative feelings towards this. It would be nice to fucking go home. Working on that for all of you; that is what my bro America says.

_{[ ANOTHER POTATO CHIP IN THE MOUTH. He seems to be in America's room, but there is no America. ]}

Hmmm. There are new arrivals. I am speaking on behalf of America since he is busy at the moment. My name is Mr. Tony, or Tony-bro if you are fucking tight. We should be fucking rad together.

Mr. America requests that those NATIONS aboard this fucking ship take the time to fill out a fucking form for the next fucking world meeting he is fucking arranging and fucking text it back. This will clear up any fucking confusion in fucking advance, hmmm. Possibly prevent a fucking death threat....unlike last time. This will happen every time a fucking jump occurs.
The date for the next fucking meeting is to be announced at a later fucking time, my friends.

HUMAN NAME: COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: LANGUAGE(S): DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: WHAT YEAR IS IT: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL: DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER: ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): TEA OR COFFEE: ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON: WHO WON THE COLD WAR: DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles): IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR: IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO: CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND:

As for the rest of you, if you have any fucking questions that have to fucking do with Earth, fucking humans or fucking embodiments of fucking nations, contact us and we will be fucking happy to fill you in on how they behave, their diets, mannerisms, and any fucking thing else you may be fucking curious about.

[ CUE A THUMBS UP before the feed cuts. Though, the sound of a chainsaw revving up is in the background before silence]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Right, I forgot. The article about telepathy is between the articles on invisibility and bulletproof skin.

You are correct, babe.
You are a new person aboard this craft, are you not?

Yes, I am. Where do you come from? Your friends not only represent or are countries, but you also have mastered several techniques which would be considered science fiction to many of my own universe.

[ Thinking, she adds ] Appropriate vocabulary choices not being one of them.

_{[ finger gunning. He mimics America maybe too much. ]}

Classified information, sugar.
I know I am fucking awesome.

[ doubtfully ] You're not sure, are you?

That is also classified information.

[ yeah he's not sure ] What's the best way to contact your superior? Should I declare war on him?

I am superior over him.
But I can get him over here if you want.

Yes, that would be why you're doing his chores and not the other way around. If you please.
[ She peers around the video to get a look at the Real America. ]

It is all part of the plan, babe.

_{[ And Tony ducks out! There is some chattering and America pokes his head into the camera. ]}

Yeaaaah? This is America speaking!

Your companion is at once intriguing and irritating. What is he?

He is Tony! I saved him when he crashed in Roswell, New Mexico in the 40's.
_{[ but America looks like he's 19 and nothing older than that. ]}

I don't know what planet he's from; he really won't tell me!

That explains a lot. So Area 51 is an actual base for alien research where you come from.

[ But about that age... ] To the best of your knowledge, what year is it?

Well, I last remember it being 2011, right before Christmas!
Area 51 is TOTALLY OFF LIMITS AND CLASSIFIED, MAN.

But I have complete access there since I'm kind of super important.

Since you encompass all aspects of the country known as the US, I'd expect no less. Including your apparent disregard for linear aging.

What are you doing that you require an alien assistant to field your messages?

Cutting shit up with a CHAINSAW.
Pretty damn important things if you ask me!

[ America, you make Rose derp as much as your alien assistant thing. ] Would it kill one of you countries to surprise me for once? Just tell me it isn't life-support equipment that you're carving up like an Easter ham.

video ★ 004

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