ataraxion | 002 ☠ video/text

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002 ☠ video/text

_{[ There's a bit of shuffling around. He hadn't done a video post to the network yet, so let's see here. Pushing some buttons a messing around a little until he pulls his communicator back. He's in his quarters. ]}
Haa-haaa! By Jove, I think I've got this! Ah, sweet Jesus christmas, this thing is already streaming? To the entire network? Aw, god!

_{[ A bit frantic, he runs a hand through his hair a little before clearing his throat. He's got a peculiar accent, sounding more Australian than anything. ]}
Right. Erm, yes. Aloha to my dearest victims aboard this spacecraft! This is Jake English speaking. Perhaps there is the off chance that you and I have exchanged text messages one another. I am the bearer of the rather ridiculously green text that has just recently been witnessed amongst those in the network. Those who have had the fortune to say a howdy-doo to me and possible engage in interactions with me, we meet again and here I am in the flesh and bones!
Dapper as hell, am I correct? Ha haha. Naw, I'm joshing.

A bit.

And those you haven't, I greet you with the utmost pleasure and I dare say, it would be certainly an enlightening experience to get to know the lot of you even more. In any case, what brings me to this network stream so close to whence I first arrived is the fact that I am in dire need of some supplies. I'm not readily prepared as I am comfortable with, carrying merely two loaded pistols: Beretta M9s. And true enough there are those who "have my back" so to say, there are just some things I feel naked without.
The things I need are very, very important to my being and I would be much obliged if there any sort of freaking way I could knick, borrow or somehow even have for keepsake the items listed here. If you have any of these things and wouldn't mind parting with them, I would fucking love you. Uh.

_{[ He wipes off his brow with his thumb, ducking his head a little. ]}
My deepest apologies if that sounded out of line or a bit forward and excuse me if this comes off as a botheration to anybody who is listening, but the generosity of others would be extraordinary appreciated.
Considering the amount of different characters we have here, I'm going to list things that are likely improbable, but it is worth a friggen' shot.

A leg holster capable of holding my type of gun.
Bonus points if there are *two* and resemble that use in the lara croft tomb raider movie.
Any sort of movie from earth especially action packed movies,
that possibly have blue tinted women in it.
A pair of shorts that rise yea high approximately six inches above the knee,
And fit that of a near sixteen year old male.
Explosives.
A computer.
Combat boots in a size 10 mens.
A t shirt.
Brass knuckles.
A swiss army knife.
A handkerchief *ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT.*

I'm not sure how I could repay the debt for any of these things should it occur that anybody happens to have these items, but I'll do anything to get them. As alarming as some of these items may seem, I assure you it for nothing more than to calm my nerves and be used for self defense and security.
Get back to me and give me a holler. 008, 092!

[/ end feed. ]

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Even if you could get one, call me crazy, but I don't think setting off a bomb in a spaceship is going to work so well.

A fine observation indeed, my good man.
However, I never said I was going to set it off on the ship. Should the off chance arise that there is an opportunity we are placed in a situation on another planet or any other place off the ship, I want to be readily prepared lest there be any sort of aliens or other kind of beasties that want to either suck out my brain or lay eggs in my stomach.

I am simply thinking of things that others have undoubtedly thought of, am I not?

I wouldn't know. I've only been here a couple weeks. But with all that... xenomorph stuff, or whatever, that you're talking about, this place is officially a science fiction movie waiting to happen.

I guess I can't blame you for wanting to be prepared.

Exactly. Somebody actually gets it. Excuse me if I'm being overly alert and paranoid here with my machinations to keep myself free from harm. I've always seemed to have a sort of problem with wanting to be ready for just about anything.
Recently being brought here in the presence of actual people and torn from all my belongings has left me in a state of panic.

About you, fine fellow. How long have you been here and have you observed any startling events that might be straight out of a sci-fi flick?

People are telling me I came in with the eighth wave. So aside from that, and being knocked ass-backwards from the loading dock of a garbage ship into a blue tube in a ship that's way too big for all the people inside it, I can't think of a single weird sci-fi thing that's happened since I got here.

Ahhh. You must have just gotten here at the same wave that I have. If you take notice to your identification number, mine has a 008 before another three digit number. I figured that is the number of the waves with a little bit of hinting at from other persons I've talked with.
Well, I did a bit of reading on an important network post some mysterious anonymous person put up not long when I first woke up here in that vat of goo shit.
All I can really tell you is to keep yourself as alert and prepared as possible, sir.

Edited 2012-07-24 15:33 (UTC)

I should take a look at that. I was a little distracted when I got here. You know, thinking up jokes that other people wouldn't get. Can you stop with the sir stuff? We look like we're the same age. Unless you're an alien that's just pretending to be a human or something.

Hahaa, are you kidding? I was leaping straight into action upon stumbling out of that vat of space shit or what have you. It all seemed really dangerous and the feeling of being on pins and needles once again was so satisfying.

Hooo, do pardon me but last I checked I was a teen human around sixteen. Forgive me if I seem overly polite; it's a habit of mine.

What did you find out about this place, then?

Yeah, sorry we can't all fall into this place bursting with a sense of adventure. Whatever. I found out that there's an alien, or maybe a race of aliens, that thinks they created humans. I don't know if I should be more worried for their sanity, or if they're right. I think space madness is still a thing people can contract.

Are you referring to the gray horned lot that seem to be bothering me lately? I've seen several of them so far.. I can count three!

They're grey and they have horns? And there's more of them. Awesome. The only one I typed at just talked like they had a serious speech impediment. Parentheses and shit like that.

Oh, I remember talking to her over the texting feature. She was certainly nice and said she was from a blood line of royalty. I still don't quite understand their species or anything, but I say it's terribly interesting.

I remember another had their w key stuck it seemed.
But I haven't seen sign of the really attractive one I saw when I got bonked on the head and saw her in a vision.

You had a vision about one of them and it made you want to date her. Hah. Great. Is there anyone here who doesn't see the future? Just once I want to meet someone around here who doesn't know what's going to happen.

[Just because he can.]

Wwoww. That's a lotta shit that nobody's gonna havve to givve you.

...[wait] Wwhy don't you just cut up a fuckin' towwel or sheet or somethin' an' make that into a handkerchief? Wwouldn't that be easier than beggin' for one like a loser?

_{[ --Jake sort of squints his eyes at Eridan because hoooo-- this is different than the spider troll he got to see. ]}

Holy shitknickers. You resemble that bodacious blue girl that I saw before I arrived here. I mean, I sort of believed you when we exchanged conversation over texting but I had my doubts! Never your mind!
Only you look a tad different! Those odd appendages on your face; cripes, what an interesting specimen. Does it hurt if people pull on them??

It's worth a shot, isn't it? I'll suffice for a mere hanky and a pair of shorts, really. Any sort of holster would do considering I can't just simple carry both my guns out in the open.

And you don't understand! Sure, something like that may make do temporarily but not permanently!

[........]

If you try to pull on my fuckin' fins, I'll end you. Does that answwer your fuckin' question? An' a'course I look different from your freaky crush. I'm a completely different blood color. An' wwho fuckin' cares if you havve a handkerchief, those are so fuckin' passe anywway. You're better off wwithout that shit.

Woah. They must be really sensitive then, ole chap! How frightfully interesting.
She's not freaky! She's beautiful; you're probably just jealous she's astounding and probably attracts more potential mates than you do during your going up stream or whatever the deuce it is your kind does.

It's important I get an actual handkerchief. I will settle for nothing less!!

Howw frightfully fuckin' uninterestin', don't evven think about it any more. An' shut the fuck up about shit you don't knoww about, wwhy wwould you evven talk about that?

All a handkerchief is is a piece'a fabric, an' they're fuckin' unsanitary to boot. There's no point to use 'em.

Says you! I doubt you have the precipitation glands that fly off the handlebars like mine do, being a weird fishy alien thing!
And good god, did your mother ever try and teach you any manners, talking like that??

Yeah, alright, granted, I don't know jack shit baout your species but surely you all must reproduce somehow!!

Ugh.

[HEAVY EYEROLLS FOR JAKE. wow jake. just wow.] Trolls don't havve parents like humans do, wwe havve lusii, an' wwe definitely don't kiss 'em, wwhat is wwrong wwith you?

I don't exactly follow, but alright.
Do you mind telling me why the girl I saw that resembled you look like a spider chick and also appeared as if she was dead in the eyes?

I also have another question considering your kind.
You're not going to lay eggs in anybody's stomach or take over the world like in the sci-fi flicks, right? I just really need affirmation considering this.

She wwas probably a different bloodcolor or somethin', wwho knowws. Also she wwas probably dead.

--An' no, wwhat the fuck, nobody is doin' anythin' like that. Wwhat the fuck, man?

[well, part of that catches her attention, at least...]

Beretta M9s? That's a very old weapon. Were you in the service?

In the service??
What sort of service???
Do you mean the military or something?
Im only 15.
*Almost 16.*
Im not sure but i dont think i can be apart of that being so young. Id be all over that stuff faster than a jack rabbit on a hot date in summer if i were!!
I only went around shooting things like giant monstrous animals for the hell of it and to protect myself.

Anyway it was an inheritance from my grandma!!! I had a shit ton of guns back home before i got brought here.

Yes, I meant the military. I wasn't aware of your age- however kids your age are allowed to pre-enlist where I come from. But what do you mean by 'giant monstrous animals?' Your grandmother was a collector? Or was she in the service?

Holy shucking fuckbusters thats awesome!! I would have jumped my person all over that if i had been in your sort of situation.

Golly, i dont know. I actually dont remember *too* much about my grandmother but she had a successful weaponry company and was really obsessed with guns!! Then it went all belly up, as did she so i sort of got the things she had lying around on her person.

What about you, sir or mam???? Are you in the service???

Hah. I suppose I did, too. I waited until I was done with high school, though. That's unfortunate, I'm sorry for your loss. Weaponry is an interesting hobby though, especially for an older woman. Ma'am, and yes. I'm part of the UNSC military force.

Yeah, my grandma was definitely the coolest of any other grandma anybody could ever have.
Its alright it was probably about ten years ago she died and it just strengthened me to make me stronger and raise myself.

Holy cow!!!! Thats really really awesome!!
Were you also stripped clean of your weaponry as well when being brought here???

She sounds like it. Can't say my grandmother ever had much going for her. That's... a very positive way to look at it, I suppose. It's good you could take something from it. I still have my pistol, but the rest of my weapons were removed, including my armor. Still mad about that.

[ Once again, AR has filtered the entry away from Dirk, setting the filter to expire only after completing his conversation with Jake. Even then, he's hacked the entry to prevent Dirk from replying; if he attempts to, it will be as if all threads are frozen and prevent him from starting any new ones. ]

Jake, I highly recommend listing whatever services you can provide to other passengers in exchange for your Christmas wishlist.
It seems the most effective and logical course of action to generate a greater yield.

Edited 2012-07-26 01:52 (UTC)

Aw FUCKING nutbusters!!!!!!
I didnt ask for this!! What the dillydickens are you wanting now, auto responder!?!??!?!
I dont need your input of all people!!!!!

So what if im going around asking for shit???
Is that a PROBLEM for you sir snoops a lot??!??!
Its really none of your business what im doing here on the network. Why do ya gotta interfere???

It seems I'm consistently reminding you of my unfathomably phenomenal processing capacities,
Running all the algorithms to determine the most optimal bartering and trade criteria.
The recommended courses of action will produce the best results,
Meaning that you're more likely to get what you want if you let them know what you can put out.
And bro, do I know that you can put out.
Don't be afraid to flaunt it.

Well its sort of embarrassing to be frightfully honest!!!!
Truth is, i dont really have too much to trade with. I was kind of hoping to bag some really generous people and get on with it that way.

As far as other services i dont know!!! I can build some things but i guess dirk seems to have that covered but i can..... offer a good session of ripsnorting fighting?????
Golly i dont know!

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