001 [text]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

<sub>[ So after breaking out of the tube and sloshing around all disoriented and awesome-like (like some kind of baby deer just getting on their feet), America has gotten the hang of walking on two feet again in his Superman underwear (he's quietly happy he was wearing his favorite pair. If you're going to be kidnapped by something, best he wearing the undies that make you feel like a real man.)

He followed the directions as they were stated where he acquired his locker and the items within which consisted of a Baretta 9mm semi automatic with no extra ammo, a lukewarm emergency bottle of Coke, his glasses, and most importantly: his counterpart. A small, gray alien with bright red eyes that stands at about 3 feet. It seems just as disoriented as he is, and neither of them can remember each other just yet.
Nevertheless, he took Tony with him out of curiosity sense he was harmless and is now texting from his room, memories slowly coming back into his head. (at least he knows who is he now. When he first got out of the tube, he was absolutely certain he was Batman.)
So, a bit scatter brained, he finally figures out the text on this device. Good thing the most important things are coming to mind, like references to his favorite movies:]

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Hello???? Hey, is anybody out there??? What is that saying... I vaguely remember... in space, nobody can hear you scream. Or whatever.
Anyway, bros, I'd like to know what's going on... it's freaking me the hell out... but...
Holy shit, dudes. This is incredible. We're in SPACE, MAN. Like, outer space. Like, boldly-go-where-nobody-has-gone-before-Star-Trek kind of space! BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY, LOL. FUCK YEAH... Oh my God. I can't remember shit. My mind must have .. omg... gotten wiped or something like in those movies. I even got this kickass body suit; I feel like this is Alien or something.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. I don't remember anything though. Does anybody remember how we got here??? Whose ship is this? It isn't anything American, that's for sure. And hell I refuse to believe those Russian bastards built anything like this. What is this?? This is... it must be...  ....
O.K, dudes and dudettes, nobody panic! We've only been kidnapped by aliens, this is O.K. More than likely they're Communists, or with some kind of funky Commie influence or some shit. If you make contact with one, don't freak out, got it?
O.K, no panicking. That's not cool. Right, I know all about this shit... I think. Aliens are not things you should tamper with unless you have a pack of Reeses Pieces. Stay calm, everyone. Should you need a hero for anything ever, feel free to contact me! I'LL BE YOUR HERO FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED, BROS. SPACE. I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE.</sub>

_{Bruce Wayne
Alfred F... uhhh... Jones, yeah! Signing out!
P.S: There was an alien in my locker and it won't leave me alone. It's freaking me out.
P.S.S: I'm totally absolutely not scared or anything just to clarify.
P.S.S.S: If it seems like I am that's just your imagination!! Cause I'm wearing my awesome underwear so I can do anything.}

Comments

text

[megamind]

I hate you already.

text

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

text

[megamind]

Even if I knew, I would not tell you. You have already revealed yourself as a soft-headed moron which I will have no use for.

[text] (if you don't like the quirk/color, drop me a line and i'll quit it)

[uncodlyawwesome]

if your bodysuit is anyfin like mine
it is not kickass
its fuckin atrocious

[Clearly, this is the appropriate first thing to ever say to anyone else on a mysterious ship that you've just suddenly woken up on after having been disembowelled by a chainsaw. Eridan's priorities are completely straight.]

text; you kiddin me i rp eridan too /ROLLS ON YOU <3

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

FUCK YES bros /o9

[uncodlyawwesome]

im not fuckin nervvous
youre the one bein all fuckin scared an flipperin out about fuckin wwhatevver commies are wwhat evven is that
an blamin aliens for wwhats obvviously a kind a
afterlife
type situation

also this is the perfect fuckin time for a fashion crisis
there wwill probably nevver be a better time for it

text

[in-three.livejournal.com]

text; if fourthwalling isn't comfortable for you, let me know + i'll edit <3

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

text; fourthwalling is fine!

[in-three.livejournal.com]

[he stares at this for a minute, then frowns. the hell?]

[babbletechno.livejournal.com]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ technically he isn't either, but you couldn't really tell otherwise. ]}

text

[xenofuckno.livejournal.com]

You feel like this is Alien? I think you're putting all the wrong capitals in.

Tell me exactly what you found in your locker.

[ IT IS LIKE YOU SUMMONED HER RIGHT OUT OF THE MOVIE, AMERICA. WHAT NOW? ]

text; he may have to 4th wall you too ;o;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[text]

[wiener-bonbons.livejournal.com]

[...What in the world. He always knew America to be loud and presumptuous, but ... what's with all these cultural references he's not getting?? and what does omg stand for

But wait. America's here. That means that it can't be America that staged all this, if he's just as confused and scared. Which can only mean...

...And there's his proof.]

Amerika. This is Austria. I am glad to hear from you, although I am a little bit disconcerted. After the past ten years of the Allied Powers trying to decide my fate, I finally was able to pledge neutrality, only to wake up... here.
I had assumed that it was either you or the USSR who put me here, but if you're here as well, it can only mean that it's the USSR. I sincerely hope that's not the case.

... Really, are you serious about thinking the Communists did it, or are you just being paranoid again?

text;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

text

[walksonrooftops]

who is sending this

are you stuck in the lightbox how do i get you out

[Technology. How does it work? It's a miracle his fingers are pressing the proper keys to even get the message responded to.]

text;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

audio;

[of-two.livejournal.com]

The majority of your inputted text is superfluous. In the interest of communication leading to mutual understanding, I advise that you attempt to rephrase your query.

text;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[sermonize.livejournal.com]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[consulting]

Well. Don't you sound frightfully calm?

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

audio

[statsraaden]

Hello. I'm afraid I cannot quite write well on this thing yet, therefore I'll be answering orally.
To answer your question, I had another idea of who could have been abducting us, but I must admit the idea that people from other planets did it looks more plausible, as it would look like there are people here from species not known on my world. It's also consistent with the fact that we're in space, apparently, from what you've said.
To answer your other question, yes, there are people here. We must be several dozens, from what I've seen after arriving here.

audio;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ A bit of fumbling around, and America has the hang of this. Sure, he's not really smart with things that don't pertain to him, but science and technology is where he excels. ]}

Woah, woah, woaaah. Hold up, man. Species not know on your world? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you proposing the idea of alternate universes with me?

Dude. What are you?