DO NOT ADJUST YOUR COMMS. WE NOW CONTROL THE AIRWAVES.

[megamind]

[There is a blue man in dramatic lighting. Bedecked as befits a comic book villain. A heavy mantle defines his shoulders, spikes all across it, an arching collar framing his slender neck and large head. A body suit, where the start of his trademark blue lightning bolt starts it's path down across his body.]

[He sits somewhere, in what appears to be some sort of strange mess of wires, panels and montors, all ablink with light and readings.]

CAPTIVES OF THE TRANQUILITY.

I an Megamind, and-- I am now in control of the ship.

[A gesture, and the power flickers for a moment.]

You have thirty minutes to surrender, or I will handle any further insurrection with harm to my hostages, Dr. Jane Foster and Miss Roxanen Ritchi. Where are they, you've been wondering. Hard at work? Lost to the warp?

No, no no. They've been in my tender care. [Obligatory, rolling villainous chuckle; confident in his smugness.] All this time.

You are to head straight to the med bay and engage your grav couches. Any resistance will be met with force. I have measures in place to protect myself -- do not test my patience, captives!

I am doing you all a favor. I'm not pretending to be your friend while assembling a team of close operatives to insinuate into key positions like the good Captain Kirk is while suggesting that we let someone feed on you, nor am I silent like Ward and Resnik in the depths of the ship. I'm giving you what the captain must: Someone to hate, while he does something no one else would:

Act!

No, go to the med bay! It's the only clear path you'll have. Any other places will be met with resistance... And I don't want to have to start destroying important facilities to cow you into submission, either.

But I will.

[He rises, flourishes.]

Thirty minutes. Grav couches. Don't squander it.

Comments

[testgasm]

Pffffft. Jealous? Of what? I don't want to run the ship. All I want is back in my body, and I can do that without making the whole bloody crew want my head.

[megamind]

You know most of them already do, right? You're an annoyance. An aggravation. Dead weight.

But even I don't want to see you turned into a smear. Go get in the grav couch, Wheatley!

[testgasm]

Uh, no. How do you know how many friends I have? Plenty of friends, if it was any of your business. Which it isn't. More than you've got, anyway. Certainly more than you've got, now.

What, and miss your spectacular defeat at the hands of some humans? There's a laugh.

[megamind]

I mean it, Wheatley. [There's a strange sort of urgency here; he really doesn't want the little idiot hurting himself.]

[testgasm]

[whatever whatever I do what I want]

I mean it, too. You're not--you're not the only one who can mean things, you know.

[megamind]

Fine then. If you want to frivolously get yourself killed when I activate the jump drive... be my guest. No one will cry.

Certainly not your 'friend' Chell.

[testgasm]

Except you're not going to activate the jump drive, because everyone's probably halfway to your...wherever you are.

[OUCH, MAN, right in the robo-self esteem.]

Speaking of--if...if she's after you--and I'm willing to bet she is, she doesn't like this kind of thing--you're going to want to quit right now. Seriously. She will find you. She will not stop until she finds you, and when she finds you, she will stop at absolutely nothing until you are dead. This is--this is actual, legitimate advice I'm giving you. When she finds you, you'll wish it was the angry mob with guns, instead.

[megamind]

[Camera turn to a panel, with all the shiny controls at his fingertips. The jury-rigged communication panel, the clearly marked LIFE SUPPORT and GRAV COUCH controls, and the trajectory, barely glimpsed, but there among the pile of the star maps.]

Wheatley.

I'm going to get us home.

Don't die, you idiot.

[And then he simply cuts the feed.]

[testgasm]

[Yeah, okay. Home. Home is drifting in space for an eternity. Awesome. And that's assuming this actually works. How could one destination take everyone home? It can't--that just doesn't make any sense.]

No, you're not, you don't know what you're doing you imbecile you're going to get everyone killed if they don't kill you first--which, frankly, is what you deserve, at this point--

[WHAT

VIDEO FEED

NO YOU COME BACK

FINE WHATEVER

GOD.]