ataraxion | 011✖; (voice)

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011✖; (voice)

"People tend to believe in something, whether it's gods, a god, some sort of afterlife or nothing at all. Nothing can be something, can't it?

"In any case, the belief in the soul and that it goes somewhere after the body dies has surprisingly been a subject of interest these last few years. Is the soul a thing that is natural, and can it be created out of something that is unnatural?

"What happens to the vessel once it's no longer occupied by whatever makes you you?"

['You are a vessel. You are born to die.' Those were among the first words she's ever heard, and yet the connotation behind them are unsettling for her now.]

"Is there any place like a Heaven or a Hell for a thing that's not born but made by a person, or is it more likely that we just disappear entirely once the vessel dies?"

[Death had never been a scary prospect for her before. Not when she had something that she wanted to live and die for. She almost misses being empty, when she didn't have to worry about the things she would leave in the likely events of her eventual demise. Everything has an expiration date, after all.

[DEEP THOUGHTS coming from the lounge with booze.]

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[He looks away, suddenly uncomfortable with admitting it. Even if he probably makes it pretty obvious.]

...Yeah. I always knew stuff like that isn't forever, but I woulda' liked some more time.

I mean, not that I want 'em to be here or anything.

[Rey understands that she's selfish, because she can't help but feel differently. Given the chance, she would've rather her brother be here. Things were just easier and she always knew what to do with him around. Not like here, where she spent so long just lost.

[She pauses, wishing that it was possible for her to agree with Firo.]

This isn't going to be forever, either.

[She can live without the freaking out parts, but admittedly she would miss some things about the people here if/when that time ever comes when it ends. However it comes about.]

[He laughs, running his hand through his hair.]

...Yeah, you're right. Is it stupid a' me to not feel so great about that either?

[It surprises him, but it's true. He's made connections to people here that he doesn't want to lose.

He rests his head on his knees, then a moment later shifts so he can look at her.]

Family comes first, so... I need to get outta here and find my way back. But I'll miss you.

[She shakes her head.]

No, not stupid.

[She hates to admit it, but she also doesn't like losing the people she's met here. But she's already lost a lot and it's hard not to feel like it can all just disappear any moment. Sometimes she can't help but think that things were better before she started actually giving a shit about people.

[dumbass feelings why do they have to exist]

Don't blame you. Wouldn't hesitate given the chance, too.

Suppose it's a bad time to be thinking about the-- [pause] --stuff from before.

[Her assurance gets another little smile out of him before he looks off into the rest of the lounge.

It does make him feel a bit better to know at least one person feels the same way.]

Thanks.

[He blinks and hesitates before asking:]

Before as in "before we came here" or all that death stuff you were just talkin' about?

[Instinctively:] You're welcome.

[Rey can't really judge anyone for wanting to go back to their homes. Especially the ones with friends, family, and purpose to want to do so.

[She has at least two of those things waiting for her.

[For a moment she stares back at him. Not blinking, but thinking.]

Both. [Sort of.] But mostly dying. They're not good memories to get stuck in, because it's even harder to get out.

[He nods slowly.]

"Harder to get out," like, uh, what just happened there?

[With her voice suddenly changing and talking about things that made no sense (to him) and whatever she did to that glass. He's not even sure what to call the whole thing, but "getting stuck" could certainly describe it.]

[Her mouth is dry. Her arms tighten around the knees pressed to her chest.]

One of the downsides to a photographic memory, and having so many. Too easy to revisit the worst ones.

[It's funny, in a sick way, that she arrived with no memory of her own self at all. Now that she's fully aware, it's almost even worse.]

You remember everything?

[Firo'd always hated how clear Szilard's memories were in his head--clearer than some of Firo's own childhood memories, not that he wanted to keep those around. But they weren't crystal clear; he can't imagine being forced to live with every single detail.]

Damn. I didn't know that was possible. That sucks!

It's possible, even for humans -- it's also called eidetic memory. Don't know if it's the same for them, though. Being able to recall something in such vivid detail.

On the flipside, it should be just as easy to summon happier memories.

[The only problem with that is Rey's depressing lack of those.]

[He smiles and straightens up. At least it seems like there might be something of a solution here.]

All right, then we just gotta make sure we get you a lotta happy memories, right?

Those are hard to come by, even here.

[Oh right. Need to stop being the eternal pessimist.]

...

Will work on it, though.

Yeah, I know. That's why you're not doin' it alone, obviously.

[He's done absolutely no planning for this, but he slams his fist into his open palm with absolute confidence.

This is happening. Somehow.]

There's gotta be stuff we can do that'll help. You got any hobbies besides hittin' things and drinkin'?

[She pauses, thinking. She's fond of music, but she's never learned to play anything unlike her brother. And that's more of something she does on her own time.

[As she recalls her brother again, she also remembers something else he had taught her:]

Cards?

[Firo seems like the type who might know Poker.]

[Does he know poker? Does Firo know poker?

You bet he does.

His face lights up at the suggestion and he twists around so that he's perched on his knees. This is too exciting to take sitting down, okay? Who would've thought this suggestion would actually get somewhere?

And also gambling is enough to perk him up on most days.]

Hey! That's perfect! Which ones do you know?

[Rey's surprisingly had some gambling experiences herself. Not just as the person she is now, but her previous selves who had taken up the hobby. After sharing his vocation as a professional poker player, she picked up on a few things from her brother as well.]

All of them? [She lifts her head, the edge of her lip twitching at Firo's reaction. Yes, finally. We're getting somewhere.] Anything they play at casinos, that is. Like poker and blackjack.

Ever tried bullshit?

[Because that one's she's played recently. Still fresh in her mind.]

[Firo can't really figure out why she's doing that weird twitchy thing with her face--she must be just as excited for this as he is. Obviously.]

Good. Great.

[He frowns at the unfamiliar name and actually thinks about it. Probably harder than Rey has ever seen him think, because this is actually important.]

...I don't think so. We don't offer that at my place, at least not under that name.

But it doesn't matter. I'll learn it.

[Forgive Rey's more contained excitement. She does not know how to express herself properly when it comes to such things.]

Can teach you some other two-player games as well -- like War, Paskahousu, Karma... [The list goes on.

[She's had a lot of free time with Orion when she was still in Crazyville, and card games are oddly therapeutic.]

[He laughs.]

War, I know, but we never offered that one either. I used to play it with my friends before we got into the real stuff.

You wanna play poker or blackjack too, I've got chips for it.

[Please let him use them. The ship saw fit to give him 500 and they've been sitting in his room for ages.]

...I mean, well, they're from the casino, but they're stuck here with me now.

[He feels slightly guilty about it, as if he's stealing from the Family. Even though he never asked for those things. It's bad enough that he already stole himself away.]

[Yeah, suppose they wouldn't play those kinds of games at casinos. Rey's just going off on other time-killing things Orion once played with her.

[It was fun, if you can believe Rey ever experiencing such a thing.

[This time, her lips finally twitch into something more of a smile.

[An actual, honest-to-fuck smile.]

Would like that, yes.

Bit of warning, though. Got pretty good at gambling over the years.

[Is that a smile? Miracles never cease. He pauses for a moment just to reflect on how impressive this moment it.

At her warning, he holds his hands up defensively.]

Oh no, what am I gonna do?

[He can't remember if he's told Rey what he does back home. It'd be mean to hustle her if he hadn't, but seeing that smile makes him want to at least joke around a bit. Maybe that'll convince her to do it again.]

Try not to cry when you lose it all, is what.

[It's a little more obvious than usual that she's joking. But it's still a momentous event nevertheless.

[Between Firo's history and Rey learning from a professional poker player, this should be interesting.]

[He laughs. It's good to see her more cheery, especially considering all that just happened.]

If you're that confident, then I guess I shouldn't let you win.

[It's rare but it does happen.]

Better not. May have to break you if you decide to go easy.

[Is that a joke as well? Let's just say that's a joke.]

[Firo's had to make his peace with the fact that, yes, she could very easily break him. Definitely hoping it was a joke.]

Hey, no need to get rough. I promise I'll do my best to beat the crap outta you.

[They're such nice friends.]

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