ataraxion | 011✖; (voice)

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011✖; (voice)

"People tend to believe in something, whether it's gods, a god, some sort of afterlife or nothing at all. Nothing can be something, can't it?

"In any case, the belief in the soul and that it goes somewhere after the body dies has surprisingly been a subject of interest these last few years. Is the soul a thing that is natural, and can it be created out of something that is unnatural?

"What happens to the vessel once it's no longer occupied by whatever makes you you?"

['You are a vessel. You are born to die.' Those were among the first words she's ever heard, and yet the connotation behind them are unsettling for her now.]

"Is there any place like a Heaven or a Hell for a thing that's not born but made by a person, or is it more likely that we just disappear entirely once the vessel dies?"

[Death had never been a scary prospect for her before. Not when she had something that she wanted to live and die for. She almost misses being empty, when she didn't have to worry about the things she would leave in the likely events of her eventual demise. Everything has an expiration date, after all.

[DEEP THOUGHTS coming from the lounge with booze.]

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[Does he know poker? Does Firo know poker?

You bet he does.

His face lights up at the suggestion and he twists around so that he's perched on his knees. This is too exciting to take sitting down, okay? Who would've thought this suggestion would actually get somewhere?

And also gambling is enough to perk him up on most days.]

Hey! That's perfect! Which ones do you know?

[Rey's surprisingly had some gambling experiences herself. Not just as the person she is now, but her previous selves who had taken up the hobby. After sharing his vocation as a professional poker player, she picked up on a few things from her brother as well.]

All of them? [She lifts her head, the edge of her lip twitching at Firo's reaction. Yes, finally. We're getting somewhere.] Anything they play at casinos, that is. Like poker and blackjack.

Ever tried bullshit?

[Because that one's she's played recently. Still fresh in her mind.]

[Firo can't really figure out why she's doing that weird twitchy thing with her face--she must be just as excited for this as he is. Obviously.]

Good. Great.

[He frowns at the unfamiliar name and actually thinks about it. Probably harder than Rey has ever seen him think, because this is actually important.]

...I don't think so. We don't offer that at my place, at least not under that name.

But it doesn't matter. I'll learn it.

[Forgive Rey's more contained excitement. She does not know how to express herself properly when it comes to such things.]

Can teach you some other two-player games as well -- like War, Paskahousu, Karma... [The list goes on.

[She's had a lot of free time with Orion when she was still in Crazyville, and card games are oddly therapeutic.]

[He laughs.]

War, I know, but we never offered that one either. I used to play it with my friends before we got into the real stuff.

You wanna play poker or blackjack too, I've got chips for it.

[Please let him use them. The ship saw fit to give him 500 and they've been sitting in his room for ages.]

...I mean, well, they're from the casino, but they're stuck here with me now.

[He feels slightly guilty about it, as if he's stealing from the Family. Even though he never asked for those things. It's bad enough that he already stole himself away.]

[Yeah, suppose they wouldn't play those kinds of games at casinos. Rey's just going off on other time-killing things Orion once played with her.

[It was fun, if you can believe Rey ever experiencing such a thing.

[This time, her lips finally twitch into something more of a smile.

[An actual, honest-to-fuck smile.]

Would like that, yes.

Bit of warning, though. Got pretty good at gambling over the years.

[Is that a smile? Miracles never cease. He pauses for a moment just to reflect on how impressive this moment it.

At her warning, he holds his hands up defensively.]

Oh no, what am I gonna do?

[He can't remember if he's told Rey what he does back home. It'd be mean to hustle her if he hadn't, but seeing that smile makes him want to at least joke around a bit. Maybe that'll convince her to do it again.]

Try not to cry when you lose it all, is what.

[It's a little more obvious than usual that she's joking. But it's still a momentous event nevertheless.

[Between Firo's history and Rey learning from a professional poker player, this should be interesting.]

[He laughs. It's good to see her more cheery, especially considering all that just happened.]

If you're that confident, then I guess I shouldn't let you win.

[It's rare but it does happen.]

Better not. May have to break you if you decide to go easy.

[Is that a joke as well? Let's just say that's a joke.]

[Firo's had to make his peace with the fact that, yes, she could very easily break him. Definitely hoping it was a joke.]

Hey, no need to get rough. I promise I'll do my best to beat the crap outta you.

[They're such nice friends.]

[The nicest.

[That actually gets a stifled laugh out of her as well. Another rarity.

[So rare that afterwards, when she manages to finally look at him again, she blurts:] I like you. [She pauses, thinking about that phrasing.] You're a good person. A good friend. I like that.

[She knows these aren't words that she needs to say, but she wants to say them anyway, because she never knows if she'll miss her chance to tell him. And also because there are so few people that she can consider a friend, and it's weird to hear it coming from her voice. That voice. The one that actually acknowledges herself as a person, just like him.

[Somehow, the smile is able to last for just awhile longer.]

Thank you. For being a friend.

[Still so weird, saying that shit.]

[A laugh and a smile? Firo's pretty pleased with how things are going right now, but the smile on his face melts into shock at her words.

Oh no, is she doing the emotion thing?

She's doing the emotion thing.

His face flushes and her turns away. As much as this means to him, he's really not good at words or feelings.]

You--you don't need to thank me. F-for any a' that. Because we're friends.

[Though, secretly... he's kind of glad she did. It means a lot to hear.

He smiles and punches her shoulder gently. His face is still burning up, but he manages to look her in the eyes.]

I like you too.

[Yes Firo. Yes she's going to do the emotion thing. Especially since so few people ever get to see the emotion thing.

[Still, she's glad he didn't get all weird about it or take it the wrong way. However way someone could take that wrong. She doesn't know. Friendships are still relatively new territory for her even after so many years gone by, so she was a bit worried by his initial reaction that she must've made it weird.

[But then comes his response, and the punch on the shoulder, which she doesn't even mind. Because it's almost just the kind of thing her brother would've said and done.]

Yes, I do. Some things just need to be said, and don't want to regret not ever saying them. It's a thing now. Deal.

[Or so she's decided. Yes, it is indeed a thing.]

[It's probably good for both of them that friendship and/or family are the first thing his mind tends to jump to.]

Deal, huh? I will, if it's for you.

[He realizes he's trying to force a laugh and his expression turns for the more serious. Maybe she's right that they do need to talk about this. Seriously. He may be terrified of emotion, but if she's brave enough to speak, he shouldn't be disrespectful.

He shoves his hands in his pockets, more just to do something with them than anything else.]

Damn, it's hard to talk about this stuff. I guess I gotta tell you that you're... Yeah, you are important to me. And I know you don't need it, but I'll do anything I can for you.

[Uh-oh.

[Uh-ohhh.

[More with the feelings!

[In actuality, it's hard not to draw further within herself at the prospect. She's said her piece and that's a monumental achievement as it is. Any more and she's afraid she might explode.

[Well, she hasn't. Yet. Rather than crawling deeper into her own mind she leans forward a little, looking at him.]

I do need it. It's been hard, but this-- [She hasn't realized it before, but now it's different. She waves a hand.] --this is nice. Hanging out with someone who actually gives a damn, it's -- nice.

[Not to mention allowing herself to be not deprived of that connection.]

[What's worse than being alone? Firo'd take the starvation and physical hurt of his early years over losing his family and going back to loneliness.

So when he responds, it's with a smile and the utmost sincerity.]

Yeah. It's really nice. It's the only kinda thing that could make this place all right.

[There are few things Rey can think of that are worse than being alone again.]

Suppose so. [She knows she wouldn't have the same chance to meet the same kind of people here back home.]

Thank you, again. Just -- wanted to let you know. Appreciate it.

...Sorry for making you worry.

Hey, it was... good to hear. I appreciate it too.

[The smiles fades and she shakes his head, staring at her seriously.]

You don't hafta apologize for that. I'm sorry I made all that happen.

[He's still unsure about what exactly it was he said or what even really was going on there, but it was his fault. She shouldn't blame herself.]

No, you didn't. [She bounces a couple fingers off of the side of her head.] It's these memories. Sometimes, they get mixed up, and it's hard to find a focus.

[She cringes inwardly a little, unable to help but feel somewhat embarrassed.] Just wished you didn't have to see that.

[In some ways it was easier when she couldn't remember a damn thing. When she had woken up prior to having an identity imprint.

[Either one kind of sucks.]

I'm not gonna tell anyone about it, if that's what you're worried about.

[It's what he'd be afraid of, having his weaknesses revealed to those outside of his trusted circle. ...Or even within it, to be honest.

He taps his chest.]

Secret's safe with me, if it is a secret.

...There's gotta be somethin' we can do about all that, though, right?

Not really. [She knows Firo enough that he's not the gossiping type.

[But still, she appreciates the affirmation. Rey's been pretty good about hiding her condition for years, and she's not about to start letting everyone know about it now.]

Perhaps. My father was the one working on it. Orion helped. It's the same treatment I told you about a while ago.

...

Of course, they're not here and it's not as effective by yourself.

[She shrugs.] Will figure something out.

[He deflates a little as he recalls their conversation. The stuff she talked about seemed a little beyond him. But maybe...]

Huh. How smart does the person helpin' you out need to be?

[He can't offer brains, but he has caring and enthusiasm in spades.]

My brother helped. More than he probably knows, really. And he's a bit of an idiot.

[Caring and enthusiasm was all Orion had to offer as well.]

[Okay, this is promising. He beams as he looks at her.]

Hey, I know an idiot who's stuck here too. Maybe they could help you out.

011✖; (voice)

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action! I'm still smiling so much at this tag. Rey, you adorable goof

action! she's the dumbest shmoo

action! She's the dumbest but cutest

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