ataraxion | 011✖; (voice)

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011✖; (voice)

"People tend to believe in something, whether it's gods, a god, some sort of afterlife or nothing at all. Nothing can be something, can't it?

"In any case, the belief in the soul and that it goes somewhere after the body dies has surprisingly been a subject of interest these last few years. Is the soul a thing that is natural, and can it be created out of something that is unnatural?

"What happens to the vessel once it's no longer occupied by whatever makes you you?"

['You are a vessel. You are born to die.' Those were among the first words she's ever heard, and yet the connotation behind them are unsettling for her now.]

"Is there any place like a Heaven or a Hell for a thing that's not born but made by a person, or is it more likely that we just disappear entirely once the vessel dies?"

[Death had never been a scary prospect for her before. Not when she had something that she wanted to live and die for. She almost misses being empty, when she didn't have to worry about the things she would leave in the likely events of her eventual demise. Everything has an expiration date, after all.

[DEEP THOUGHTS coming from the lounge with booze.]

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[Firo's had to make his peace with the fact that, yes, she could very easily break him. Definitely hoping it was a joke.]

Hey, no need to get rough. I promise I'll do my best to beat the crap outta you.

[They're such nice friends.]

[The nicest.

[That actually gets a stifled laugh out of her as well. Another rarity.

[So rare that afterwards, when she manages to finally look at him again, she blurts:] I like you. [She pauses, thinking about that phrasing.] You're a good person. A good friend. I like that.

[She knows these aren't words that she needs to say, but she wants to say them anyway, because she never knows if she'll miss her chance to tell him. And also because there are so few people that she can consider a friend, and it's weird to hear it coming from her voice. That voice. The one that actually acknowledges herself as a person, just like him.

[Somehow, the smile is able to last for just awhile longer.]

Thank you. For being a friend.

[Still so weird, saying that shit.]

[A laugh and a smile? Firo's pretty pleased with how things are going right now, but the smile on his face melts into shock at her words.

Oh no, is she doing the emotion thing?

She's doing the emotion thing.

His face flushes and her turns away. As much as this means to him, he's really not good at words or feelings.]

You--you don't need to thank me. F-for any a' that. Because we're friends.

[Though, secretly... he's kind of glad she did. It means a lot to hear.

He smiles and punches her shoulder gently. His face is still burning up, but he manages to look her in the eyes.]

I like you too.

[Yes Firo. Yes she's going to do the emotion thing. Especially since so few people ever get to see the emotion thing.

[Still, she's glad he didn't get all weird about it or take it the wrong way. However way someone could take that wrong. She doesn't know. Friendships are still relatively new territory for her even after so many years gone by, so she was a bit worried by his initial reaction that she must've made it weird.

[But then comes his response, and the punch on the shoulder, which she doesn't even mind. Because it's almost just the kind of thing her brother would've said and done.]

Yes, I do. Some things just need to be said, and don't want to regret not ever saying them. It's a thing now. Deal.

[Or so she's decided. Yes, it is indeed a thing.]

[It's probably good for both of them that friendship and/or family are the first thing his mind tends to jump to.]

Deal, huh? I will, if it's for you.

[He realizes he's trying to force a laugh and his expression turns for the more serious. Maybe she's right that they do need to talk about this. Seriously. He may be terrified of emotion, but if she's brave enough to speak, he shouldn't be disrespectful.

He shoves his hands in his pockets, more just to do something with them than anything else.]

Damn, it's hard to talk about this stuff. I guess I gotta tell you that you're... Yeah, you are important to me. And I know you don't need it, but I'll do anything I can for you.

[Uh-oh.

[Uh-ohhh.

[More with the feelings!

[In actuality, it's hard not to draw further within herself at the prospect. She's said her piece and that's a monumental achievement as it is. Any more and she's afraid she might explode.

[Well, she hasn't. Yet. Rather than crawling deeper into her own mind she leans forward a little, looking at him.]

I do need it. It's been hard, but this-- [She hasn't realized it before, but now it's different. She waves a hand.] --this is nice. Hanging out with someone who actually gives a damn, it's -- nice.

[Not to mention allowing herself to be not deprived of that connection.]

[What's worse than being alone? Firo'd take the starvation and physical hurt of his early years over losing his family and going back to loneliness.

So when he responds, it's with a smile and the utmost sincerity.]

Yeah. It's really nice. It's the only kinda thing that could make this place all right.

[There are few things Rey can think of that are worse than being alone again.]

Suppose so. [She knows she wouldn't have the same chance to meet the same kind of people here back home.]

Thank you, again. Just -- wanted to let you know. Appreciate it.

...Sorry for making you worry.

Hey, it was... good to hear. I appreciate it too.

[The smiles fades and she shakes his head, staring at her seriously.]

You don't hafta apologize for that. I'm sorry I made all that happen.

[He's still unsure about what exactly it was he said or what even really was going on there, but it was his fault. She shouldn't blame herself.]

No, you didn't. [She bounces a couple fingers off of the side of her head.] It's these memories. Sometimes, they get mixed up, and it's hard to find a focus.

[She cringes inwardly a little, unable to help but feel somewhat embarrassed.] Just wished you didn't have to see that.

[In some ways it was easier when she couldn't remember a damn thing. When she had woken up prior to having an identity imprint.

[Either one kind of sucks.]

I'm not gonna tell anyone about it, if that's what you're worried about.

[It's what he'd be afraid of, having his weaknesses revealed to those outside of his trusted circle. ...Or even within it, to be honest.

He taps his chest.]

Secret's safe with me, if it is a secret.

...There's gotta be somethin' we can do about all that, though, right?

Not really. [She knows Firo enough that he's not the gossiping type.

[But still, she appreciates the affirmation. Rey's been pretty good about hiding her condition for years, and she's not about to start letting everyone know about it now.]

Perhaps. My father was the one working on it. Orion helped. It's the same treatment I told you about a while ago.

...

Of course, they're not here and it's not as effective by yourself.

[She shrugs.] Will figure something out.

[He deflates a little as he recalls their conversation. The stuff she talked about seemed a little beyond him. But maybe...]

Huh. How smart does the person helpin' you out need to be?

[He can't offer brains, but he has caring and enthusiasm in spades.]

My brother helped. More than he probably knows, really. And he's a bit of an idiot.

[Caring and enthusiasm was all Orion had to offer as well.]

[Okay, this is promising. He beams as he looks at her.]

Hey, I know an idiot who's stuck here too. Maybe they could help you out.

[She gives his shoulder a thwack. It's a little more careful than the one he gave to her, for fear of actually applying more force than intended. She's gotten pretty good about being conscious of that.]

Excellent. That saves the trouble of having to look around. Fairly certain people wouldn't take kind to being asked, "Hello, are you an idiot?"

Edited 2015-03-19 04:07 (UTC)

[Knowing how strong Rey is, it's surprising to feel her be gentle. But a relief nonetheless.]

Hm, yeah, if I think about it, you just might be right about that. I'm glad I'm here to help you out.

[Even Rey has the common decency to practice caution when it comes to making sure she doesn't punch her friends' limbs off. That does not sound like how you friendship.]

Same. Where else am I supposed to find an idiot to beat poker with and help keep me sane?

[Grah, this smiling and talking thing is so weird. She thinks she likes it, but it's weird. She kind of wants to hug him, but that might be pushing her limits a little for today.]

[Right now, Rey's one of the few people who's managed to cross into Firo's "hugging permitted" list. But they've probably both reached their maximum mushiness for the year.]

You mean to beat you at poker. I'll do my best at both, I promise.

[To be quite honest she would probably explode. Too many emotions. Too much caring. Why caring. Why.]

You're on. [Hurr durr.] So are you going to show me your poker face or are you just proving to be all talk?

Because... am getting pretty sick of being under this table.

[She's not cramped or anything. But a change of scenery would be nice now that she's calmed down significantly.]

You're in an awful hurry to get beaten.

[But he's ready to go too. He scoots out from under the table and hops to his feet.

If she's not on her feet at the same time, he'll offer her his hand.]

Tend to live on the edge.

[She smirks a little. Just a little. Like there's a little something going on there with her mouth. It's weird. But she does move, does take Firo's hand and pull herself out and onto her own two feet without expecting him to carry her weight. Even if it's unnecessary, the gesture is much appreciated.]

I'm not surprised.

[He starts walking.]

And you'll tell me what I've gotta do to help with that stuff, yeah?

[She nods, following him.]

Of course. It's not rocket science or anything, since even an idiot can figure it out. [She smiles a little.] In fact, you're sort of doing it right now. Helping.

...You're a real charmer.

[His smile becomes a bit gentler.]

That's good, though. I wanna do whatever I can.

011✖; (voice)

action!

action!

action! I'm still smiling so much at this tag. Rey, you adorable goof

action! she's the dumbest shmoo

action! She's the dumbest but cutest

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