text.

[humanistic]

My best mate disappeared. One Jump he was here, the next he was gone. They do memorial services over less. They play sad CDs and run video, put out photos, and everyone gets together for a meal and a cry and a few drinks. I haven't been to a funeral in years and years. I know it's not changed. Humanity doesn't change.

I don't know why I waited a month to say anything about him. I suppose it doesn't matter. Those memorials, and the wakes, and funerals, those are all for the people left behind. I know that and I'm still writing this. You want it to matter. You want them to matter.

I don't know if he's dead or not. And if he is, I don't know what happens to him next. There's no ghosts here, except the ones that have come in with the rest of us. I've been on this ship nearly two fucking years and I don't know any of it. And that's the worst of it. People talk about this ship like it's sentient. Like it's got some bloody personality, someone behind the wheel. We're always trying to figure out bits of it, like it's all somehow going to come clear. Like there's logic to it. There's no logic. It's like a wheel. It turns, and shit happens, and then it turns again, on and on and on. You can trust me on that. I've lived a long fucking time.

What I know is I'm tired of this. Being the last one left.


His name was George Sands. I wanted to put it down somewhere. It's stupid, but now it's done.

Comments

text.

[unmakes]

left flowers in his room a couple weeks ago

they're probably still there

text.

[humanistic]

[Like a tomb, but Sally knows everything about graves. And it wouldn't be funny. And it was a nice gesture, anyways.]

You didn't have to

text.

[unmakes]

you think i did that for you?

it was for george. he was my friend too

text.1/2

[humanistic]

Yeah I knew what you meant. I didn't mean I thought it was for me.

text.

[humanistic]

Better way to remember him is to go down and tidy it up I guess

text.

[unmakes]

that's where you come in

[invisibilitea]

[She hasn't said much about it, but-]

You're not the last one left.

[She almost sounds a little hurt by that, curled up on their couch and watching him.]

[humanistic]

[Hunched over his device, he turns a mild glance on her, a sad little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.]

No. Not while you're around.

[Annie is even more eternal than he is. It isn't something he wants to consider, or wants her to consider. Everything has an end, right? The wolf-shaped bullet. Some things are just meant to be.]

But you know what I mean.

[invisibilitea]

[She moves closer to him, close so she can touch him. She's been doing this a lot this month, as if to assure herself that he's still here, that she hasn't gone mad yet.]

I do, but-

Please don't say you're the only one left.

[humanistic]

[It's easy to take Annie for granted. He ought to know better. Ghosts are so easy to unmoor. That was Herrick's ultimate plan, get rid of Mitchell, get rid of George, and Annie would come untethered. A ghost doesn't have to get her door, she can just-- dissipate.

But that would never happen to Annie. He'd gone to Purgatory to fetch her out again, and here she is, more solid than ever before. Not because of his conviction, but-- because of the ship. Or something. That part, it's not so bad.]

Hey. [Quietly, and he takes her hand, his fingers winding through hers.] Hey, don't worry. You're not going anywhere.

[And, pitched more quietly still, he adds:] I'm sorry.

[invisibilitea]

[She is quiet for another moment, but then she nods like its forgiveness, and maybe it is. It's hard for Annie to keep from forgiving, really. She nods again and tightens her fingers, to grip his better.]

I don't want you to go anywhere without me, too.

All right?

Text

[pushesback]

[Well shit. You touched him, why'd you have to go and do that.]

Sounds like he mattered. Good friend? Kind that would loan you a few bucks knowing he'd probably never see it again?

Text

[humanistic]

[lots of feelings sorry]

More the kind that would bitch till kingdom come about the 50p you owed him but

Still a good friend, yeah. One that mattered to me anyways.

Text

[pushesback]

So if you wanna do any of those things, the meal or the drink. I mean the liquor here is shit, but I've actually had worse.

Text

[humanistic]

Yeah so have I. It could always be worse. Not really a comfort, but it's true.

[A slight pause.]

Do you usually volunteer to go to wakes for people you don't know or is this something new for you

[Not that he's saying no, right.]

Text

[pushesback]

So new. But people were talking about Space Christmas a little while ago. I figure Space New Year's is bound to follow. Maybe 'make more friends' can be my resolution.

[blackmagus]

I don't think it's stupid at all. I'm sure he'd appreciate you remembering him like that.

[humanistic]

I don't know he could be a little [He searches, briefly, for a kinder word, but in the end, comes up with:] bitchy

Which reads harsh but trust me. If you'd known him, you'd agree. Then again, sentimentality is a little more his style than mine so maybe you're right

[blackmagus]

Bitchy people [and she's grinning a little] tend to be secretly pleased by any sort of fuss over them.
In my experience, at least.

[humanistic]

Is that right. And which end of that do you have experience with?

[i.e., are you bitchy or bitched at]

[blackmagus]

Usually I'm the one offering them a bottle of booze.

[That's helpful, right? It helps her...]

Sorry for late, but.

[peckish4action]

I know how that goes.

[ His family, back home. Most of the people he's known, here, too, including two brothers that he hadn't known he had. Will have. ]

There's a wall in the Oxygen garden with the names of people who've been here and left. You could put his name there, as well.

no worries!

[humanistic]

Yeah. That's life, I guess. Not just this place. No one likes not knowing, no matter where you are.

And thanks. But he's not a name on the wall kind of guy. That kind of thing seems like it would piss him off.

\o/

[peckish4action]

Yeah, it is. But there's always hoping, you know? It kind of pays off about half the time.

And gotcha. I just thought it went with wanting to put his name somewhere. Though, sometimes, the fact that somebody's pissed off means they're still around, and that's good enough--

[ Yeah, the last bit is typed and then backspaced before he sends the message, but. ]

[humanistic]

['Kind of pays off half the time', right.]

Those aren't very good odds, or a good comfort. That's enough for you?

[But, after a beat, he's got the good grace to add:]

Thanks. For the suggestion.