ataraxion | Fourth Summons : Text

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Fourth Summons : Text

[She doesn't like sleeping, she doesn't like needing sleep and she doesn't like what comes with sleep.]

Is there a way to stop yourself from dreaming when you sleep?

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[She sits down next to her. Well she's here to ask questions and she might as well start with the main one.]

Do you think I should stop trying to bury my emotions while I'm here?

[And it sounds silly but its oh so serious because Ai and her emotions always lead to terrible things. There's always the risk of going back and not being able to keep them in check again or even that she'll one day lose her temper here.]

Edited 2015-01-23 21:41 (UTC)

There's nothing wrong with having feelings, Ai. And this is probably a safer place to explore that than at home.

[She appreciates that her home situation is complicated. But she's all for taking opportunities to grow when they present themselves.]

But if I trust someone again and they betray me....

[And then half the ship ends up on fire. She knows that wouldn't probably happen. She's learnt her lesson about revenge. Learnt it all too well the second time. But still. It terrifies her that she could lose control again.]

I'm not going to promise you that won't happen.

[She can't, because sometimes it happens]

But if you let that stop you from getting close to people, you're going to miss out on a lot of the fun of being alive.

But I'm not alive. Not really.

We're all a little more alive here than we would be normally. It's a chance to explore that.

[She seems to mull this over a bit.]

If....if something happens. Will you stop me from....trying to seek revenge?

[She doesn't want to become that person again. Not after seeing what revenge truly does to a person.]

I will.

[SHe kept another you from setting Eddie on fire, after all]

Because you matter to me.

[That makes Ai pause because no, why. this isn't right.]

But I'm not the person you knew. I don't remember that.

Caring about people isn't a limited resources. Just because you're not her doesn't mean you don't still matter.

[She loves everyone okay?]

....but I don't?

[She has no sense of self worth. What are you doing.]

Ai. In ten billion years, I have never met anyone who doesn't matter.

[And she's met a lot of people.]

[Ai just stares at her feet now. She's only ever used to having her companions care about her in anyway. The rest of the world just wanted to hate and use her.]

All I cause is hate and suffering. I don't ....

[She trails off because how can you say she matters. She doesn't deserve to...]

I manipulated a small girl to try and get her to send her father to hell because I hated them. I killed my entire village.

[Just hate her already. Because this isn't how it's supposed to go and if you don't know these things you'll find out and hate her after she's let herself hope she won't do that.]

[It's never been her place to judge]

I've met a lot of people who have done a lot of pretty terrible things. But the thing is, deep down, there was always still something to them worth loving. They were scared, they were hurt, they were confused, they were angry.

[She couldn't even bring herself to hate Grady, in the end]

But they were always still worth it. And I don't believe for a second that you're the first one who isn't.

[Ai remains silent, staring at the ground.

If Death looks over she will notice tears are starting to fall. She cries like she does everything, quietly.]

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