[video]

[alsohawkeye]

[ The camera is met with an angry-looking Kate, one angle of her jaw flexing as teeth clench. Her forearms are folded on the tabletop in front of her and she leans her weight onto them. The way she launches right in gives the impression she's been holding back this bad mood for a while before giving in. ]

Okay, so first of all, whoever stole my bow at the jump: bring it back. It's a cheap piece of crap anyway and it's not like we have arrows laying around but it's the only one I have here and there aren't any more in the armory and it's not exactly an inconspicuous weapon so what are you even going to do with it without me finding you?? Seriously, just bring it back before you damage it somehow and I promise I won't hit you with it no matter how tempted I am.

And speaking of people around here being total assholes [ Because whatever, she's started now and trying to make her no-hitting promise sincere just has the frustration shunting off into another topic, ], is someone turning people into animals seriously allowed now? That's just a thing we're cool with, going to let that slide on by, no brig time involved? [ She's not generally a very animated speaker but her hands twist off the table into the air into a 'seriously?' gesture. ] FYI never annoy this Gold guy because I guess he can just turn you into a cat if he feels like it and nobody will ever do anything. If I disappear after posting this be on the look-out for new pets wandering around or something. On second thought maybe that'd be a nice change from this place's bullshit for a while. Gold, if you're watching, just make it a dog or a bird or something, alright? Cool.

[ It's hard to make a dramatic exit on a touch-screen device but she pushes the STOP button as abruptly as she can anyway. Hawkeye out. Nope, wait, spoke too soon. It starts up again after a second just long enough for her to shout: ]

And bring me back my god damn bow!

[ Okay, now it's done. ]

Comments

( video )

[pushfall]

Yes. [ Wait. ] I mean they aren't mutually exclusive. It would depend on several other factors, which I am so not prepared to get into.

[ She is very clearly and professionally making an idiot of herself, which, really, isn't that strange. Claire can remember a time when she wasn't so awkward. Those were the days. ]

Can we start over? I'm Claire Bennet. I'll be your comms liaison, which I'm sure you're thrilled about following this conversation.

( video )

[alsohawkeye]

I'm thrilled. [ And super helpful, thanks Kate for this important interruption in their introductions. ] Hat and mustache is more sort of the classic pirate captain look in most fiction, that's all we meant. Personally I'm going to go with not hot, but opinions may vary.

( video )

[pushfall]

[ Claire just sort of treads water. Help. ]

That's what it is, yeah. Classic pirate look. [ Squint. ] Are you really a pirate?

[ She's not sure who she's even talking to anymore. ]

( video )

[50000volts]

Where in the hell do I get popcorn on this ship?

[ Hey, ladies. Don't mind Darcy. She's just laughing a little at your expense with you. Honest. ]

This is my new favorite sitcom. What's your next episode?

( video )

[pushfall]

[ DARCY WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? ]

Darcy? Wow. Stalker.

[ Don't be fooled. She's very happy to see your face. ]

( video )

[50000volts]

It's not stalking if you put it on a public network!

[ Google's your enemy, remember? ]

( video )

[pushfall]

[ Claire makes a sound like FFFFFT. ]

My shame is going to be memorialized at this point.

( video )

[50000volts]

More like celebrated!

( video )

[pushfall]

[ Her face is suspicious. ]

Does this mean you're going to be making me a cake?

( video )

[50000volts]

Will you settle for cupcakes?

( video )

[capsize]

[ Absolutely thrilled. Luckily he's not actually bothered about the teamwork thing, so whatever. Do what you will, ladies. ]

Yes, I'm really a pirate. [ The emphasis is more amused than mocking, if it helps. ] And the "Captain" isn't just for show, either. [ In case that's the next question. Someone accused him of being an actual Disney character actor when he first showed up, so it wouldn't be the first time. ]

( video )

[alsohawkeye]

We'll be here all week. [ This to Darcy, presumably, since she adds: ] And let me know if you find popcorn? Or eyeliner. [ What a segue: ]

That's pretty awesome, Captain. I've met a lot of really unusual people but I don't think I've ever met an actual pirate before. Do you prefer Captain, or Killian? How sick of being asked a lot of questions about pirates and Peter Pan are you, exactly?

( video ) tags you everywhere i guess

[capsize]

[ Casually pretending he didn't hear the mention of eyeliner, thank you. ] Captain'll do nicely.

[ See also: please call him Captain in front of Swan, she'll hate it. The reply's a bit smug, but the mention of Pan goes some way in tempering it. ] I take no issue with the questions— it's the appalling inaccuracies that have grown a bit tiresome. [ The hat and mustache observations qualify, though they're at the intensely minor end of the scale. ] You're from the land without magic, I take it?

( video ) threadjacking errything

[50000volts]

Magic is just science we don't understand yet.

[ Good job, Darcy. You can quote Jane quoting something else. You are so good at everything. ]

Does pixie dust really make you fly?

( video )

[capsize]

[ Yeah about that "science", never impressed. A slight pause due to (yet another) interruption, but the answer's nonplussed. ]

Aye, it can. And a good many other things, I'd imagine; it's a great deal more potent than fairy dust.

( video )

[alsohawkeye]

[ Do they even count as interruptions at this point? ] My world has magic, but no pixie or fairy dust that I know of. Just witches and sorcerers. Which inaccuracies are most appalling, exactly?

( video )

[pushfall]

[ At least they are generally complimentary? Claire finds herself caught between just smiling and letting the peal of laughter sandwiched behind her breastbone break free. The result is a careful twisting of her mouth. ]

You're the first pirate that I've ever met. Well, an actual pirate. I've met plenty of internet pirates. It's very cool. The - uh. The actual captain thing. Not being an internet pirate. Do you miss your ship?

[ That's a totally fair thing to ask a pirate captain, right? ]

( video )

[50000volts]

Note to self: [ on the public network, said out loud ] If I ever get out of this place, I'm buying a houseboat so I can be a proper pirate of the internet.

( video )

[pushfall]

Who wouldn't aspire to that?

( video )

[50000volts]

Right? I'm just mad I didn't think of it sooner.

( video )

[pushfall]

I won't be offended if you end up choosing that as a path in life just as long as you credit me.

( video )

[capsize]

[ YES he misses his ship desperately, thanks for asking. But saying as much isn't the most dashing of responses, so playing it cool. ] Bit difficult to be a pirate without a ship.

[ That's a joke. He's very good at being a pirate with or without a ship, but the Jolly Roger's home, and there's no hiding the hint of sentiment in his voice. More importantly: ] What's an internet pirate?

( video )

[pushfall]

[ Way to up your potential hot factor there, Killian. Playing it cool is absolutely a must. ]

Maybe it's been stolen. There's more stories about that. [ So there. Or something. She doesn't miss the sentiment, but she is a little bit distracted by the more important and pressing matter. And laughing. ] It's someone who steals things from the Internet. Seriously villainous people.

( video )

[capsize]

[ Yes but what the hell is an internet HELP HIM OUT HERE CLAIRE. That said, he has too much pride to push the question, so he'll just look mildly bemused at the explanation. Whatever, back to the ship. ]

It's far more likely that she's right where I left her in New York. [ A slight pause. ] What stories?

( video )

[pushfall]

[ HOW DO YOU EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN THE INTERNET. Thank goodness she doesn't have to try. ]

Don't worry about the stories. They aren't important. You left a pirate ship in New York?