002 | text

[scratched]

a/s/t

refresher course for anyone whos forgotten the drill
a = age duh
s = species
t = time
when youre from the year day hour minute the whole shebang
in fact you can forget the other things that last one is the only one i actually give the remotest shit about
my single shit is a star millions of light years away and if you squint through the hubble or something you might catch its distant twinkle
but thats it
dont actually answer the rest of it i really dont care if youre a middle aged phosphorescent insurance salesman from mars just give me the digits
and if you got the lowdown on the timeline in this hellhole cough it up now

ps
whichever one of you assholes put baby got back on my thing
put it back
thats my jam

pps
need a suit
its for work

also a ps
john pick your shit up off the floor or im throwing it outside this isnt a goddamn zoo


[also text permissions can be found here!]

Comments

[zoosmell]

um, wow, dave!
your stuff takes up way more space on the floor!
i do not want to know what i stepped in today.

[scratched]

the difference is my stuff is actually useful
yours is just crap

[zoosmell]

you wish!
my stuff is awesome and if you don't clean up, i will be tossing YOUR stuff out of the room.
take that, kazing!
anyway, i do not have a suit, but i got back some stuff and i guess you can borrow it?
what work are you even talking about?

[last_centurion]

Do you really think that's just a pressing concern considering we're all stuck here?

[scratched]

you dont think that maybe knowing when the fuck we are at this very moment is important
like possibly it could be useful to know what the hell happened before all this zapping everyone and their bro into outer space bullshit went down
or how we dont even know what fucking day it is on this floating metal mental ward

but hey what the fuck do i know about time

YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT!

[last_centurion]

[SO MUCH NOSE PINCHING]

There IS a Time Lord on board as well as two crew members. I'm far more concerned with where we're going.

[audio]

[testgasm]

Did you tell John we're getting married, or something? Because he seems to be under the impression that we are. And...if you did, I am declaring it the last straw. The--the final one. I mean it. I am...I am completely serious, now. You are all out of straws.

[audio]

[scratched]

Yeah, he's gonna be my Maid of Honor, and is it cool if my sister doesn't sit at our table at the reception, she can be a real harpy once she starts that psychobabble.

[testgasm]

Okay, well, it's not happening. I'm calling it off. Even if it was on in the first place, which it wasn't. Still called off.

Who's your sister? [avoid ALL the Striders]

[tenthousandyears]

1936

. . .What kind of suit?

[scratched]

something classy
i want it to say

dave strider
scholar
gentleman
will kick your ass if you mess with his dick mural

text;

[entrapments]

you writing a book or something?

[scratched]

yeah
its my autobiography
dave strider a portrait of the oscar winning director and platinum hit rap artist as a young man

[entrapments]

you forgot to add space ship hopping and time traveling to your list of adjectives.

text;

[mistercocks]

you're REALLY trying this again? do you keep an updated diary on where everybody's from? or when i guess since you specified

text;

[scratched]

yeah ive got my burn book stowed away under my bed
got a little cut out picture of each and every one of you with the dirtiest shit i can find on you
all thats left is this

[voice]

[functioningperfectly]

[did you think you were ever going to get rid of hal dave
really

but for you he'll try to at least be coy since he knows you like that
dave]

I don't think Martians need insurance, Dave.

As to your actual question, it was 2010.

[voice]

[scratched]

[good brobot, best acquaintance]

Got to have some way to protect their asses from Martain House Fires, dude.

Cool, what's 2010 like? Britney Spears make her comeback? Did Toy Story 3 suck?

[voice]

[functioningperfectly]

I'm not sure that fires can be sustained within Mars's atmosphere.

I'm afraid I have no idea about either of those things; they sound like popular culture references, for which I was never given much bearing. It was the birth year of the second sun, and the end of the Cold War, however.

[text] replying to the right spot now

[daughteroflight]

[ DG doesn't like Dave's tone or your font choice (what is this, Geocities?), so she'll answer whatever the hell she likes. especially if it annoys him. ]

22. human. 2007.

Does that unlock some mysteries for you?

[text]

[scratched]

yeah youve solved it grissom
time to get freaky in the lab with this solid evidence
were this fucking close to breaking the case wide open all we have to do is haul in the culprit
heres a hint its probably the famous guest star this episode thats how you always tell

[unwaveringloyalty]

Not applicable. Autoreiv. 7207.

[scratched]

what
the hell is that

[longaevus]

It was 2011 prior to my arrival.

[scratched]

well shit


yeah fuck it theres no making sense of this bullshit
its a time clusterfuck free for all
forget it