ataraxion | video.

[ peeta's got the device propped up on something when he switches it on, and it stays steady when he steps away to take a seat on the edge of his bed. he's wearing the standard issue tranquility jumpsuit, sleeves rolled up against the heat in his room, and he leans forward onto his elbows as he begins to speak. his tone matches his posture; despite the arguably tense topic, he seems relaxed. ]

I know people are worried about what happened on the bridge. I agree that we should find out what went on inside, but others already have that covered — and I'm more interested in why none of the mutineers are dead. [ slightly harsh wording. nobody had expected them to get out of there, so there's no point in talking around it. ] I've only been here for a month, and people have a lot of warnings about the ship being dangerous, about how it's out to get us. Which makes me wonder why all of us aren't dead, either. Some of you have been here for months already, right?

[ it's a rhetorical question. he's heard months, over a year. he still pauses before continuing, if only because he's making a slight switch in gears. ] Where I come from, the people in charge have a system. They created it to make people frightened and to keep them from having hope. They could probably just kill everyone if they wanted to, but they still need us — they need us to work, keep their Capitol running.

I think the ship's the same. I don't think it wants to kill us. I think it needs us for something, and that the events I've heard about — the stations it brings you to, the trials it engineers, they're trying to push us to do something. But this is where the comparisons to the Capitol stop. If all it wanted was inaction, it would've killed everyone on the bridge, but it didn't. I think it wants something else, and it needs us to do it.

[ another pause, and this time he offers a slight smile when he continues. maybe a bit out of place, but it becomes clear enough that he's taking amusement at his own expense. ] But I'm new here, so I couldn't tell you what. Normally I'd say it wants us to fight, but I've been told that doesn't accomplish much. I guess that's why I'm asking you — if there's anything that seemed like a hint, or a command, or a reward.

Everyone's caught up on solving the mysteries behind these things. I know this is probably just because I'm bad at riddles, but I'm more interested in the results. How they make us behave and what we're being taught to expect. I have no idea if we want to listen, but I think it'd be a good idea to try to figure out what it's asking us to do.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm sorry.

[ far from sympathy, it's more of an understanding. with few words available to her, she falls on sorry. a meager expression, useless really, but true. ]

I'm sorry for asking so much too. Mother says it's rude. [ she chews her lip. ] I think you're interesting in a good way.

[ if that helps at all. ]

[ understanding is something peeta can accept. more easily than sympathy, maybe, and his response is similar; even and steady, honest. ]

It's okay. I'm used to answering questions. [ on a stage, in front of people he has every right to hate. ] And I think you're interesting in a good way, too.

[ there's a pause to let that settle. he hasn't pried, given how guarded she seems to be, but— ] Death doesn't scare you?

[ death as a concept, in any case. she speaks of it far more easily than some, certainly more so than others on this ship. ]

Death isn't something to be frightened of. Living men scare me more.

[ talk of death isn't unfamiliar. it was a common subject, uniting everyone no matter where they came from or what they did or whom they served. arya grew accustomed to it quickly. she might have been listing what she did that day for all the gravity she demonstrates.

( in many ways, she was — and is — too young to fully grasp the events she describes as easily as breathing. )

what she knows: people scare her. the thought of being alone again is terrifying. she doesn't have fear left over for dying. ]

Most of the people here would probably call you paranoid.

[ most, not him. it's said with a smile, very nearly a joke at their own expense. ] But I'm guessing they wouldn't have lived long in your world, either.

[ it's an awful sort of solidarity, sharing this. but it's a common thread between the victors, between the people of the district, and there's no shame in finding it here. ]

People call me a lot of things.

[ paranoid would be complimentary. ]

I don't care what they think.

[ he can't help a grin, but it's not at her expense; more at everyone else's. there's a pause to consider her, and he tempers the grin a moment later out of respect for the next question. ]

Is living here a lot easier than what you're used to?

[ the question draws her up short. ]

I don't know, [ she says finally, slowly. ] I guess so.

I think it's the same for me. [ think. more like know; even if this is another elaborate game, at least he can do what he wants in the meantime. ]

We should probably enjoy it while we can.

[ quick go do arts and crafts with other kids ok xoxo ]

[ throws the glue at the wall. ]

What do you do?

Here? Not much. Spend time with the people I care about. [ a slight grin. ] Ask deep questions on the network. I don't know if I've really let my guard down yet, but it's a work in progress.

[ the first she can understand. she did the same even when she was denying her family in the same breath.

but to drop your guard? she wouldn't know where to start. ]

You shouldn't. It's not the same danger, but the ship isn't safe either. [ the people in it aren't. ]

You're probably right. But if we can't let our guard down eventually, I'm not really sure what we're fighting to stay alive for.

[ the idea of a peaceful future in panem is nearly non-existent, at this point, but that won't stop the occasional wishful thinking. he'll cede the point that the ship's not much of a rest stop, though. ]

[ her face screws up in confusion. ]

You'd be alive.

I'd be surviving.

[ he sounds confident in the distinction. it's the flipside of his brand of optimism, believing just surviving isn't enough. there has to be a reason, something better to fight for; without that, there isn't much point. ]

There's something keeping you going at home, isn't there? Something more than just staying alive.

There are people I'm going to kill.

[ it's hard to tell what's more disturbing: that she speaks of multiple victims or the matter-of-fact tone she adopts. ]

[ not what he was expecting, but it's not like he can say he's genuinely surprised. it's a resolve peeta's familiar with, even if the context is unique. so rather than affecting shock, or asking why, peeta's response is straightforward. ]

Who?

[ there's real interest in the question, though it's nothing so fickle as curiosity. ]

Everyone who hurt my family.

[ all whom she witnessed being cruel. men and women whose names she keeps closer to her than her own so she will not forget them. ]

[ peeta thinks of his family, of the bombed out district 12. revenge has never been his first instinct. even now, it's not what drives him; protecting katniss, protecting the other districts, that's all there is.

but while the thought of killing snow doesn't hold any satisfaction, it doesn't hold any sense of guilt. he'd be justified, maybe. any tribute would. ]

I hope it's enough.

[ there's no judgment there. he honestly hopes it's enough, that revenge won't just leave her hollow. ]

It's not about that. It's what I have to do.

[ there are some similarities between their worlds, sure, but this isn't one of them. panem's population has had any hope of evening the scale crushed out of it; vengeance isn't an option. the best you can do to honor your loved ones is to move on. ]

Your family wouldn't want you to go somewhere else? Keep yourself safe?

I hadn't seen my family in two years. [ until she found herself here is implied. ]

Some of them I'll never see again.

[ she has sworn to herself to go back, go north. jon is at the wall where he always was; bran is beyond it, and rickon too. she doesn't know how she will track either of them, but she has to.

even as she is driven by a need to find them again, some part of her knows she is unlikely to. this ship may be the only place she ever has her family almost complete and together again. truly, all arya has left is her list. she doesn't plan beyond it. she doesn't know of anything beyond it anymore. ]

[ there's a finality to that statement, perhaps even more so than the one of her mission— and that's something that peeta can understand, even if he can't quite grasp simple vengeance.

he still has katniss. if he didn't, it's hard to say what he'd have left to hold onto. ]

I understand.

[ simple, to the point. he can't understand completely, of course, but he understands well enough to know that there's no changing arya's mind. ]

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locked. so late but i want to put a bow on this thread b/c it's nice!!