ғɪʀsᴛ - ᴛᴇxᴛ - ᴘᴜʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀɪɢɢᴇʀ

[trouvaille]

So I'm actually going to do this. I don't know why, it's stupid, except I had this ex-boyfriend who used to talk about the things his psychologist spouted, like 'conscious dreaming' or something equally bollocky. How he had to learn to 'control his nightmares'. There's some bullshit about lightswitches that I wasn't really paying that much attention to, I can't stand those people.

So I am consciously engaging with this obvious delusional break, which is the grandest idea I've ever had, I'm certain. I just keep thinking, what would he make of this? The psychologist. Here I am. I've sent myself to space. In space I have provided myself with a cigarette, but not a fucking lighter, so what does that mean? What does it mean that I'm asking this question to, I don't know, my subconscious as represented by the internet, which is just spectacular. I've gone down the rabbit hole through my own navel. This is sad and pathetic and why didn't my subconscious just give me a bottle of vodka, I ask you. Me. You don't need a lighter with vodka unless you've got a very particular sort of party in mind.

I suppose I'm still asking me, because there isn't any you, that would be absurd.

( Ilde pulls the trigger on this post just to prove to herself that this isn't real (she is so nakedly, painfully afraid), because if this was real (is it worse if this is real, or if she really is completely mad?), she would never-- )

Comments

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[trouvaille]

Then I don't know why you're being such a princess about it now. You swung it in my face and I can't talk about it? Sir.

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[specialism]

I did no such thing.

Can we stop talking about this now.

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[trouvaille]

It was definitely eye level at one point.

( because she was on the floor possibly having a mental breakdown. details. )

What would you like to talk about?

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[specialism]

Nowhere near your face.

[ WHY ARE THEY STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS WHY ARE THEY DEBATING THIS ABORT ABORT ABORT ]

How are you settling in?

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[trouvaille]

Once in boarding school I woke up with my entire bed outside, in winter, with me in it. This is worse than that, and the time my dad forgot my name.

( but she's staying upbeat, with dick talk and sass. apparently. )

text; 2/2

[trouvaille]

That one was funny.

( it wasn't. but it was accidentally a little too honest. )

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[specialism]

It doesn't sound funny.

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[trouvaille]

Well, we established you don't have a sense of humour. I don't tell you how to be unnecessarily masculine.

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[specialism]

You were arguing for me having a sense of humour before.

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[trouvaille]

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

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[specialism]

Who told you that?

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[trouvaille]

Oscar Wilde.

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[specialism]

I doubt he had this in mind.

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[trouvaille]

Definitely no sense of humour.

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[specialism]

Your point?

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[trouvaille]

That I'm not a great fan of this madhouse.

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[specialism]

I think few people are.