one bad word. [video]

[meanwhileback]

[Behold, all and sundry shipmates, a young woman, most likely unfamiliar to you all. She has dark hair, she's wearing expensive-looking sunglasses, she has a cigarette between her manicured fingers, and she's not smiling. As a matter of fact, she looks more bored than anything, which wouldn't be inaccurate. It's Penelope, and she's annoyed. Get accustomed to this.]

Okay, so. Quick question.

Are you seriously telling me that this spaceship is not only haunted as fuck, because it is obviously haunted as fuck, you guys, what the fuck is up with that, but nobody has tried to set up any wards or barriers or anti-evil magic protection of any kind? I mean come on, this should be like kindergarten baby shit. Surely somebody's tried something, but since there's no like, history books of this hideous floating evil space basement we all appear to be trapped in, I have to ask.

Nobody's tried magic? Seriously?

[There's a brief pause as she attends to her cigarette, and then it goes back to balancing between the fingers of her hand. She tends to gesture with it, vaguely, as she speaks, presumably for emphasis since her voice is a practiced monotone of affected disinterest. It's all extraordinarily irritating, and it's very much intended to be so.]

Apropos of nothing, since there's so many honest-to-god wolves on board, are there any werewolves around? I need a donation.

That's all. Back to your regularly scheduled cowering-in-fear-awaiting-all-our-inevitable-hideous-deaths, or whatever it is you do for fun around here.

[...That bit about the werewolves goes totally unexplained, because Penelope promptly ends the feed.]

Comments

[Voice because what's showing is the gardens]

[the_other_eight]

[Pepper doesn't sound impressed, or really like anything at all. She actually sounds like she's multitasking, which she is.]

Some of us don't believe in magic.

[voice in return!]

[meanwhileback]

Cool, I didn't ask what you believe and I don't care.

This isn't like some kind of children's theater play where if the audience doesn't clap hard enough the fairy dies, this is actual real life where actual real monsters are actually killing the actual fuck out of people all the goddamn time. I mean, Jesus Christ, this ship has a literal garden full of straight-up fantasy elves in it, and you think that magic is out of the question?

Could I maybe talk to someone about this that isn't clinically ignorant? Because you're kind of wasting my time. With your objectively wrong opinions. That I didn't ask for.

[Penelope is a lot of things. A nice, tolerant, patient person is not one of them. I am so, so sorry. It's not personal; this whole place terrifies her on a visceral level, and to be honest she's... like this with everybody. I repeat: I am so sorry.]

video;

[thebreakingwave]

I'm sorry to interrupt here, but whether or not you believe in magic or come from a world where magic is used openly doesn't change that it's an effective force here and now.

video.

[forgodssake]

[ Also possibly not helpful in the matters of magic: Charles Xavier, who responds from his desk in his own quarters. Whatever he might be working on or reading is out of view, just the pencil being twiddled between his fingers. ]

Do you intend to?

Try magic.

video

[meanwhileback]

Well, even factoring in things like backfires and the old "it only pissed them off" scenarios, it's not like it could make things all that much worse around here. I mean, seriously. Why not, at this point?

[a vague shrug.]

I mean, it'd help to know what's been tried before and what didn't work then, or whatever. I'm not talking, like, offensive strikes against the whatever the hell it is trying to kill us all, I just mean like, warding.

anon text;

[civilwarring]

So I'm guessing you must know a thing or two about magic then?


And what do you need a werewolf for?

[Not that it matters. Really. He definitely doesn't know any werewolves who might need some magic.]

text

[meanwhileback]

Yeah, a couple.


I want to shave one.

[.................so there's that!]

video;

[thebreakingwave]

I've tried and worked with it, but when the ship jumps things shift around and I can't speak for other people's magic, but it doesn't always last.

video

[meanwhileback]

[FINALLY, someone who knows what they're talking about! Penelope sits forward, looking... well, about as pleased as she can look, wearing sunglasses indoors.]

Yeah, I read about that, the shifting hallways thing. That could be an issue. The whole "spaceship House Of Leaves" thing is really fucking disconcerting, by the way. I mean, practically speaking. That can't have been like, built into it on purpose. That's some grade-A haunting shit.

Like I can see how trying to set up a barrier ward around a physical area can be difficult when you've got no point of reference for where that area is in relation to anything else at a given time. Like there's no permanent landmarks, or whatever. That'd make something like that kind of impossible, unless you were going to weave some fluidity into the spell, and I wouldn't even know where to start with that. Wards aren't typically my thing. Hi, I'm Penelope.

[manners.]

voice;

[doggedly]

Ooh, yes, you're right. We've never, as a ship, thought to set up anything like that. No one's ever used magic for anything. In fact, we all just sat around, as a collective group, eating chocolates, waiting for you to arrive and set us straight, and thank God you've finally arrived, what took you so long.

Really.

[girl please. also suspicious on the werewolf front there thanks what is that about]

voice;

[sweetmotherofgod]

[except there's no voice

it's literally just the sound of applause and yes she went to the bother of setting her communicator down so she had two free hands to do that.]

voice

[meanwhileback]

Okay, but are you actually going to fill me in on that, or are you going to like, continue wasting my time. With the really piss-poor attempt at sarcasm, there.

[Penelope does not elaborate on the werewolf front!! Interested parties may inquire within, otherwise nunna yo beezwax, apparently!]

voice;

[humanistic]

[well aren't you a treat.]

I don't know that I really want to get into this, but this ship? It's not haunted.

voice

[meanwhileback]

Uh huh. And you know this because you're the expert in haunted spaceships the size of New Jersey, or...?

[the great thing is that that's not meant as an insult, but as an actual inquiry. that's just about as nice as she gets, ever. enjoy that.]

Not Here

[coffeeking]

[Ianto's expression, were it visible, would be made of silent vitriol. No one reads the guide. No one reads the FAQ. He's agreeing with Sirius Black for God's sake. Why does he even bother?]

text, auggielocked;

[altercate]

"A donation"
Meaning what, exactly?

text

[meanwhileback]

I need werewolf fur. Not, like, skinned, just shaved off is fine. It's for experiments.

text

[slurpeesinhell]

theres werewolves in here?

text

[meanwhileback]

Probably. There's big fuckoff wolves everywhere; it follows. Since there's definitely elves and witches running around, it probably wouldn't hurt to ask.

video;

[afraidofthe]

A donation.

[BROW LIFT]

video

[meanwhileback]

I need fur.

[a brief pause, for smoking. smoking is more important than talking to strangers. especially in this place, when everything is so goddamn fucked up. surely you will not begrudge her this.]

For an experiment.

video;

[allfatherissues]

[and here's Loki, not looking terribly offended -- but certainly sounding quite patronizing, never mind the faint smile.]

Magic? Really? How has such a notion failed to cross my mind until now?

Re: video;

[meanwhileback]

Cool. Hey are you gonna be helpful, or just, you know, annoying? Because if the latter, you can just, like, fuck directly off.

[she shrugs, smoking. Help or don't, bro, no skin off her teeth!]

Video

[atent_dead]

[Granny is glaring into the camera with her pointy hat very precisely placed on her head]

Magic ain't the best solution to most problems anyway. But folks've tried plenty of things, that included.

[Honestly why wouldn't someone have]

Video

[meanwhileback]

[Wow. Pointy witch hats, huh? That's a thing people actually do? Well, whatever, it's a nice little signifier that the woman on the other end (probably) knows what she's doing. Penelope leans forward a little.]

So what worked and what didn't? If I'm gonna do the sorcery thing, I'm gonna need, like, info. On that.

video;

[gilding]

And where would you suggest those wards or barriers be placed, precisely?

video

[meanwhileback]

Well, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? I mean, according to the fucking textbook I had to skim after I got here, and people have said the same thing, that this place is always shifting around on itself like that glass house in Thirteen Ghosts. God that was a shitty movie.

Like, how do you anchor a ward like that with no point of reference? It's not like Space New Jersey here has any permanent landmarks to orient it with. I said to somebody else it'd take fluidity, and holy shit is that ever not my specialty.

[a pause, and then she leans to the side, shrugging vaguely.]

This is all assuming you weren't just asking me specifically where, like, what sections of the ship. Probably for that I'd say the most essential common areas only, living quarters and gardens and med bay and whatever, but, you know, duh.

voice;

[deagle]

And you've dealt with "hauntings" before? With magic?

[ this is half skeptical, half curious. he's not even going to touch that werewolf question. ]

voice

[meanwhileback]

Me personally? No. Not my area of expertise. But where I come from, it's not unheard of.

[It's the skepticism in his voice that she's worried about-- if this guy's gonna start going in on her about how magic's not real or whatever else again, she's just gonna hang up on him. Penelope is not known for her patience on a good day, and any day spent on an evil derelict spaceship is most decidedly not a good day.]

voice »

[rancorously]

You think magic works the same here as it works at home?

[ Because no, his powers don't work the same, if magic works the same here that is complete bullshit. ]

You honestly think that.

voice

[meanwhileback]

I honestly haven't tried anything yet so I honestly wouldn't know.

voice »

[mathematically]

A donation with no explanation.

[ If Lydia sounds judging when she says that it's because she really finds that just a bit dubious, and a little creepy to be honest. ]

Word of advice, if you're going to be asking for things like donations especially from werewolves you just might want to include a detail or two. Tends to help with the whole actually getting something other than a straight up no and makes you seem a little less creepy.

voice

[meanwhileback]

[Penelope isn't taking it personally. Actually, she mostly just sounds bored. It's all good!]

I figured if there actually were any werewolves around here, they'd eventually ask.

"Creepy" is probably like the nicest adjective anyone's used on me in a while. So.

anon text;

[growling]

[ sorry about the paranoid bastards, penelope. anyway, after reading other paranoid bastard conversations— ]

You know there's more than one species of werewolf here, right?

text

[meanwhileback]

[Apparently she didn't, because it's a while before she responds--]

They have different species now?? Jesus. What a fucking place this is.

[nightblogs]

You mean you can do that, right? Magic.