ataraxion | ( 08 ) voice ✵ tell me what is it i should do when i'm swimming in the liquor only half way through

[ faith has exactly one concern in all this bullshit: empathy is not so much her gig. ]

So, seems like everybody's all about sharing and caring. And that's cool, whatever gets you off. Play Missed Connections on the Love Boat from hell all night long— have a blast, I don't give a shit.

But just in case anybody else gets any bright ideas about 'maybe we should talk about it'— [ gdi topher— ] maybe nothing, get me? You think you picked my brain, sucks to be you but don't blame me, I didn't sign up for this crap and I don't wanna know about it. I got zero desire to talk about whatever anybody thinks they saw, end of story.

[ because not-terribly-blissful ignorance is better than pity!!! or something. she's emotionally healthy. ]

And just so everybody clear, I'm talking the kind of leave me out of it I'll throw some muscle behind backing up. Keep it zipped and to yourself or I'll break it off, it's nothing I wanna look at.

[ and with the snick of a lighter and a mumbled curse then a long inhale, she's out. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ you're such a problem!! ]

Here I was wondering if everyone else got the wrong message.

Was the message 'don't try and bond with me or I'll bond my fist with your teeth'? 'Cos that was the one I wanted to get out there.

[ ur not her real dad!!!!!! ]

Think that was the loud and clear one.

[ he's going to go dig a cave and live in it so he can stop worrying constantly. ] Just glad to know you've got it under control.

Dude, come on. I got it, like, the opposite of under control. Just—

[ she sighs, shrugs one shoulder in a tired, helpless gesture. ]

When you idiots popped the soul on out and called me in for backup, Wes... he said some shit to me. Trying to get my head in the game, I guess, but you know what we're like. Always gotta draw blood.

Somebody saw it. And now I gotta live with knowing he was in my head hearing all that. Just... rather skip it, you know?

And somebody saw me torturing Dru until she became the kind of empty shell of a human that I'd give anything to change. [ in all honesty, it makes him feel ill thinking about it, teeth gritted in frustation. but they're still family to him, some twisted up version of something he still craves, despite the wreckage it's all managed to cause.

he's miserable about it, point blank, but what can he do? ]

People've found out the worst parts of it, people that can't even begin to understand what it was like. You can let them leave it up to their imagination, you can move on, but we can't skip it. It's already happened and the best we can do is own up to the it, even if it's the last thing you want to talk about. I don't care if you don't tell anyone, I get that it's none of their business. But you've gotta acknowledge the fact that they know.

[ saying that many words is exhausting. he needs a nap now. ]

Pretty sure if I give it enough time, somebody'll catch my turn at the torture wheel too.

[ and now she's legit whining, there's no other word for it: ] Dude, why?

[ don't whine at him faith, that's so many levels of unfair. ]

Why, what?

Why does everybody wanna talk about it? Just shut up and deal, god.

[ whine whine whine whine whine ]

I don't know, sometimes people like finding someone they can relate to.

[ he shrugs. ]

Or not.

...you holding up okay, big guy?

[ the only thing that can 100% effectively pull faith out of her shit: concern for angel. ]

[ no. no you aren't allowed to ask him that. ]

I'm fine.

Wow, that was a shitty lie. Wanna go a second round, give it a little pep?

[ bullshit, essentially. ]

[ if you don't want to talk he doesn't have to either faith, that's not fair. ]

I'm dealing with it. [ there is that better? probably not. ]

Yeah, that one sucked too. Third time's a charm if you wanna try again, or we could rap about how 'do what I say, not what I do' isn't great sponsor behavior. I'm gonna dump you for another vamp, you don't watch it.

What do you want me to say, Faith? [ there's a massive exhale and he suddenly wishes this was no longer video. ] Having people in my head is the last possible thing that could be good for anyone. Including me.

That, pretty much. Just saying, I know shit's sideways after— anyway. But this is a twoway thing, remember? You save my ass, I save yours.

Except you're not the one stuck in my head.

Yeah, not yet. You really wanna back that horse up here?

You think I want to with anyone? The number of times i've had to hear about Connor--

[ done. he's donedonedonedone. ]

[ she goes quiet, oddly reflective. ]

Never really got to download you about him. Mostly because you were pulling off the big evil, but hey. There's a lot of you in the kid, you know? And I get it, you not wanting to deal, but like... I dunno, Angel.

[ holy shit it's real name time. ]

I hate to trespass on your turf, but if you ever wanted to. I'd be down, you know?

[ least eloquent offer of non-ship forced emotional intimacy EVER

youtried.jpg, lehane. ]

[ ......... are you offering to fuck him, faith.

nope.gif better not be.

HE'S GOING TO PRETEND HE NEVER EVEN HAD THAT THOUGHT PROCESS....... ]

What, to talk?

[ well she would, lbr

kind of

IT'S COMPLICATED ]

About the kid, yeah.

[ he is aware p much. ]

Isn't anything to say.

I get that. Just saying, if there ever was.

[ angel why are you making her dooooooo thiiiiiiiiiis ]

You know I got your back, okay? Even on, like, your gross big girl feelings stuff. Whatever you need, you know?

[ that he doesn't mind nodding about - tired enough to both me emotionally evasive and not at the same time. easy comfort just doesn't come with a smile this time. ]

Yeah, I know.

[ time to disconnect?? ]

video; locked

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