ataraxion | voice, the second } crack kills

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voice, the second } crack kills

[ THIS IS FORWARD DATED spike would usually do this up on video but given the chaos and just how shitty he looks-- oh, yeah, if you haven't seen spike in a bit there's a reason for it. he looks like death. literally. skinny, sallow, low-energy. he's not even quipping like he should be. he's scarcely been here ninety days, but without blood, he's not healing like he should. these demons are giving him the go around and he doesn't like it. so have a raspy english voice, sounding much tireder than usual, which really everyone should expect given the theme around here. ]

I'll tell you all, I've seen an apocalypse or two in my day. And this? This is a bloody disaster.

Floor 22, Room 17. I've got some weapons and hiding spots, but that's not what I'm on about. I'll see you all in the trenches anyway. [ he takes a breath, he might be smoking. ]

...This blood situation, yeah? For us vamps. [ pauuuuuse ] It's wrong, and I'll tell you why it's wrong. This might be a bloody big ship, but it's going to start seeming a whole hell of a lot smaller if we keep handing over human to them--us. To us.

I don't drink human blood, it's a life choice. Let's use an analogy. Now, I talked to an expert on the subject so let's call 'blood' ... 'heroin.' And let's call bagged blood something they call 'methadone.' That's a drug used to bring someone down off scag, if you didn't know. But it doesn't work, and neither does this. Drinking it from a bag? Well. Just makes someone want the real thing.

Over on the Cyllene, guy name of Jayne told me to look for Dr. Tam up in the med bay? But I'm sorry, doc, and anyone else who might have a hand in that concoction -- I don't trust it. Don't ruddy well trust anyone with a beaker and I've got good reason.

There's got to be another way.

[ he hangs up rather abruptly, it takes a lot to get a rise out of him like this. it took the perfect cocktail of starvation, sleeplessness, nightmares and demons from his homeworld but now he's here and he's mad. and yeah, no that's basically it. ]

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You've got as good of an idea as I do. [ :c sad face mumbling. ]

Not even sure if anyone's tried to find out what it's made of. Or- I mean, what happens when we get taken up here in the first place?

Right. Your other self. The bloke that was here before?

[ he remembers things sometimes. ]

Yeah, what I'm saying, isn't it. It's like no one bloody cares one way or another. [ so why should he? ]

The one that left all his things behind. Along with the newspaper clippings. [ the one that's actually supposed to still be him, something peter still struggled with. ]

I think people care, they're just doing everything they can to try not to.

You don't have to be him, you know. Not now that you know-- [ hell for all spike knew peter had already wrecked the continuity. maybe they all had. that was more pleasant a thought than it should have been. ]

Same thing.

Yeah, I know. Meet enough future versions of... life in general and you sort of figure out that destiny's not all it's cracked up to be. [ which is kind of sad; peter's still sort of hurt about that one. ]

I'm not sure denial's the same thing as uncaring. Except if you're a politician.

[ that jogged something in spike and he's looking at peter a second too long -- like something just spun through the lazy turbines in his head and finally made a thought out of it. ]

You're better off without it. Destiny. It's one hell of a ride.

[ but it's supposed to be, and it's not fair. not when he thought he was destined for something and then it sort of all fell apart, and trying to construct a new view on life had.... depended on adam. motherfucker. ]

Not according to some people. [ he's looking at you, mom. ] But when destiny's set on making sure a city ends up destroyed, or worse, i'm pretty sure the whole thing stops meaning what it used to.

[ that gives him pause. not because of whatever peter just said -- that was boring. but because their lives had so many parallels it was strange to even draw the diagram, but it was impossible not to try. ]

I blew up a town once. Kind of what I was talking about, actually.

[ ............ okay wait hold up. the amount of solid staring that peter falls into, is something he'll feel embarrassed about a moment too late, but he has to go over his thoughts. and make sure that spike just said what he thought he said. just in case he got it wrong.

and he's pretty sure he didn't.]

You- Did you blow it up, or did you, y'know, actually blow up.

Yeah, I did. As in me, not... yeah. Stopped the apocalypse though.

Guess I drew the short straw. When I blew up, it wasn't really supposed to stop anything.

[ kindred spirits, peter needs a hug. ]

[ give it a month X( ]

Sounds that way, mate. How'd you come back from that? [ since spike still wasn't exactly sure on his own details. ]

I can heal. [ at least that's an easy question. ] Guys in the lab coats would call it rapid cellular regeneration, but it mostly just means I can't actually die.

This ven diagram is getting closer and closer, seems like. [ and judging by the slight note of cheer in his voice, he doesn't mind. ]

[ stop it spike, you might actually make peter sound less miserable. ]

And that's only with all the things nobody else's got in common.

Right? How many other people can say they blew up. Not very bloody many, I'd reckon.

What else should I know about you, Pete? [ it's said lightly, even amicably. you are the only one not giving him a headache peter and he doesn't care if the filthy biker next to him knows it. ]

[ 'i almost helped kill 93% of the population and i'm still not over the guy who made me help do it' is kind of what he wants to say. just so he can say it to someone, just so he can admit to it. make it real. ]

Thought I was supposed to save the world. [ that's almost too honest of a sad little statement, but there it is. ] Ended up in Ireland for awhile, too. With amnesia.

Yeah? [ still cheerfully ] Hate the sodding Irish.

[ but he sobers a little when that tone catches up to him and he shrugs. ]

You still can. There's not really a limit on that sort of thing.

Seems like i'm a lot better at almost doing the opposite.

[ a blame he should place on primatech, but whatever, it's actually totally all peter's fault. ] Think you're stopping the guy who's gonna blow up New York and it turns out its actually you. Nearly killed my brother.

[ spike didn't have to be told about killing friends, or even family, and he turns away from the camera; but only for a second. ]

You couldn't have known. [ it was like him with the first. sleeper cell. it couldn't be helped, but it didn't stop spike from feeling like a dick over it. ]

[ spike, peter knows that look. that's the look of 'i can relate to doing horrible things but i don't want to talk about it.' not that peter's going to say anything about it, but he knows. ]

No, but we weren't even supposed to stop it. Didn't even have anything to do with whether or not we could. [ peter's going slightly more gruff as he keeps on talking. ] My mom's got a thing about destiny- she wanted the bomb to go off, for New York to fall apart so that everyone could turn to my congressman brother in their time of need. Knew about the whole thing for months.

My brother was even gonna go along with it for awhile.

[ spike lets that really sink in, not that he understands all of it. but he understands the feeling behind it, what it was to be betrayed by the people you loved. ]

For some people, it's all about power, isn't it. For most people, even.

[ for his stupid bloody sire. for that little rat who killed fred. spike finds himself fighting a rising tide of anger, almost as if he's forgotten he's having this conversation. but he'll come back around. ]

But cutting down your brother to serve your own career in politics? Now that's cold. Right out of a Stephen King novel, that is.

Think it is for most people, actually. Or maybe that's just the people I get to know.

[ he's looking at you, adam. and linderman. and all the crazy megalomaniacs in his life that can't seem to do anything but completely fuck him over and use him for their own benefit and rise to stardom!!!

or a 'better world', as adam would've called it. ] I don't know, from what i've seen, that's how it works in politics with or without a brother who explodes. [ stop defending nathan, peter. ]

Yeah. [ spike snorts, for lack of a better reaction. ] Still, mate. That must've pissed you off.

At the time? Yeah. [ though he was more pissed off with his mom for encouraging it. or maybe he was just bad at them both. or maybe he just... continues to be in denial forever. ]

Made up for it though.

private;

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private; i don't want to go to work i want spike and peter :c

private; SOBBING THEIR LIIIIVES ajkfa;d i want them forever

private; there's nowhere to go from here but down down down

private; so dirty

private; scandals

private; ON THE FRONT PAGE!

private; ajkdhkjdh serious

private; lmfaaao who are we even

private; terrible people

private; the most

private; i can't zo

private; shut up i can't handle the feelings

private; shhhh it's gonna be okay

private; my heart!! weeps

private; dries your tears

private; did you like how i changed that entire comment b/c i had to re-research it

private;i really enjoyed it i'm ngl

private; i rewatched a whole episode for you lmfao