CASE 002: ACCIDENTAL VIDEO GOODNESS.

[consulting]

[ The communications device is placed haphazardly. Perhaps on a shelf, but regardless the orientation makes it so that video is tilted in a less than pleasing manner. Sherlock and John are both in frame; entirely unaware that the video has them both captured. Sherlock is all jitters and small animations of tension. From the rhythmic taps of fingers to the trouser end of the jumpsuit to the quick paces back and forth in the gaps between John and Sherlock’s bed. ]

I was hoping for more concrete advice. [ A hint of seething; irritation; perhaps desperation. ] I was under the presumption that you had added space into your repertoire, John Three Continents Watson. [ More pacing; his expression turns legitimately confused ] Help me.

[ John sighs - he’s never living down that particular disclosure of information, is he? He rubs at his brow with his thumb, though his eyes follow Sherlock for some of the walk. The communicator in his own hands seems to have been forgotten for the moment. ]

What are you on about? Advice? What are you trying to do now?

I’m not helping you sweet-talk any more women into stealing you things.




[ Shoots John a look ] They’re Holmes’ things, therefore to some extent they are my things. We have devised a barter system; and Cambridge was happy to oblige. These are all hypothetical situations - regardless. But - other thieves John, focus. Do I just simply stuff him? I’ve observed your dates and that’s all you seem to do with them. How does one go about asking? Do I text him? John, could you send me a text. You’re holding your device, I don’t see why you can’t.

You both devised a barter system, or you talked and you took silence to be an agreement?

[ Sherlock, you talk to people who aren’t even in the room and make deals on their behalves. ]

Stuff hi-- what? What?

[ John straightens, his brows furrowing hard with a mixture of confusion and distaste. Stuff him, Christ, Sherlock is so fucking vulgar sometimes. ]

Sherlock, in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been following you every waking moment of the day. What the hell are you talking about?

Are you -- are you asking me for dating advice?

[ Even John thinks he’s stupid for asking this question, if the squint is anything to go off of. ]

You... found someone? Someone you like? …Here?

[ Clears his throat. ]

Another man, I gather. Sherlock... you know I’m not gay, right?


[ Have a look of complete and utter skepticism, John. If his eyes could make dramatic speeches, this monologue would be about how John is the worst best friend ever. Also the speech would start with, OBVIOUSLY. In all caps. ]

John, I’ve borrowed your laptop. That folder hidden in My Documents has put evidence on that statement. Imagine my shock when I found that you fancied uniforms. [ dryly ]

And please don’t make me repeat, what I just said. [ He sighs ] I should have gone to Spock; he seems to be capable of giving solid dating advice. But yes, John, that is what I am asking. Now what do I do?

Unif--

[ John’s look of incredulity is slightly slack-jawed. ]

Sherlock. Those were my Army photos. I was in most of them! And we had quite a few women in the regiment.

[ Sherlock, you just perused your way along without really looking, didn’t you? No, you’re just saying that to annoy him. Good show.

John grinds his teeth momentarily. ]

What do you want for the text?

[ His gaze drops down to his phone. This not answering something right away is his infuriating way of saying he’s thinking about it or else would rather avoid the subject entirely. Bit of both. As John thumbs his way toward pulling up Sherlock’s contact number, though... ]

Sherlock.

[ Stop pacing and look at him. ]

[ He won’t. ]

Alright, type in: ‘Let’s have dinner. SH’, that sounds reasonable.

[ Lifts his eyes to the other man, lips tightening fractionally. ]

Sherlock.

Too much?

...Check your device.

[ Sherlock will tap to check, frown when it’s not there. He’ll take a few seconds to scan the room; to see it immediately on the shelf. Sherlock approaches the device and a look of sheer horror and disgust encompass him when he notices that the device is recording. The feed quickly cuts. ]


[[ OOC: HI GUYS FEEL FREE TO SPAM THIS POST WITH INAPPROPRIATE TERRIBLE DATING ADVICE FOR THE CONSULTING DETECTIVE. THIS GRATUITOUS DISPLAY OF BROMANCE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY JULYA AND EFFY: BROMANTIC PRODUCTIONS. BLUE IS SHERLOCK, BROWN IS JOHN :D ]]

Comments

voice;

[coffeeking]

[IN TEARS. Oh god, he has to show this to Jack. There is nothing about this that isn't hilarious. In the meantime, he can't bloody help himself.]

Stuffing him might be a bit forward.

[Oh god, he cannot even keep a straight face.]

asjdkasdjs TEARS

[consulting]

[ He looks legitimately confused. Why do people keep bringing that up. ]

What does one do on dates if not stuff them?


[ We're talking about - FOOD right? RIGHT. ]

OH GOD I COULDN'T RESIST

[51stcentury]

[Unlike some people Jack is very capable of keeping a straight face while discussing 'stuffing people' and knowing the fact that Sherlock has absolutely no idea what he is talking about. Thanks for showing this to him Ianto, he's going to have one hell of a laugh about it with you when this is all through]

Depends on your tastes I suppose. I certainly wouldn't mind a thoroughly satisfying 'stuffing' on my first date. But that's just me...

:'D

[coffeeking]

[Pull it together, Ianto. Stop giggling like you're ten.]

That's...very true. You know the old saying. Different strokes for different folks...

[51stcentury]

[Oh Ianto, you're precious, but you're rubbish at this whole making clever joke while you're amused by the joke you're making, aren't you?]

You'd know all about different strokes, wouldn't you, Tiger?

[consulting]

[ Yeah, he still doesn't have the faintest about what either of you are talking about.

How this has registered in Sherlocks mind:
> Jack enjoys a healthy meal.
> Suddenly Stroking.

He'll just keep quiet now. ]