ataraxion | CASE 002: ACCIDENTAL VIDEO GOODNESS.

[ The communications device is placed haphazardly. Perhaps on a shelf, but regardless the orientation makes it so that video is tilted in a less than pleasing manner. Sherlock and John are both in frame; entirely unaware that the video has them both captured. Sherlock is all jitters and small animations of tension. From the rhythmic taps of fingers to the trouser end of the jumpsuit to the quick paces back and forth in the gaps between John and Sherlock’s bed. ]

I was hoping for more concrete advice. [ A hint of seething; irritation; perhaps desperation. ] I was under the presumption that you had added space into your repertoire, John Three Continents Watson. [ More pacing; his expression turns legitimately confused ] Help me.

[ John sighs - he’s never living down that particular disclosure of information, is he? He rubs at his brow with his thumb, though his eyes follow Sherlock for some of the walk. The communicator in his own hands seems to have been forgotten for the moment. ]

What are you on about? Advice? What are you trying to do now?

I’m not helping you sweet-talk any more women into stealing you things.

[ Shoots John a look ] They’re Holmes’ things, therefore to some extent they are my things. We have devised a barter system; and Cambridge was happy to oblige. These are all hypothetical situations - regardless. But - other thieves John, focus. Do I just simply stuff him? I’ve observed your dates and that’s all you seem to do with them. How does one go about asking? Do I text him? John, could you send me a text. You’re holding your device, I don’t see why you can’t.

You both devised a barter system, or you talked and you took silence to be an agreement?

[ Sherlock, you talk to people who aren’t even in the room and make deals on their behalves. ]

Stuff hi-- what? What?

[ John straightens, his brows furrowing hard with a mixture of confusion and distaste. Stuff him, Christ, Sherlock is so fucking vulgar sometimes. ]

Sherlock, in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been following you every waking moment of the day. What the hell are you talking about?

Are you -- are you asking me for dating advice?

[ Even John thinks he’s stupid for asking this question, if the squint is anything to go off of. ]

You... found someone? Someone you like? …Here?

[ Clears his throat. ]

Another man, I gather. Sherlock... you know I’m not gay, right?

[ Have a look of complete and utter skepticism, John. If his eyes could make dramatic speeches, this monologue would be about how John is the worst best friend ever. Also the speech would start with, OBVIOUSLY. In all caps. ]

John, I’ve borrowed your laptop. That folder hidden in My Documents has put evidence on that statement. Imagine my shock when I found that you fancied uniforms. [ dryly ]

And please don’t make me repeat, what I just said. [ He sighs ] I should have gone to Spock; he seems to be capable of giving solid dating advice. But yes, John, that is what I am asking. Now what do I do?

Unif--

[ John’s look of incredulity is slightly slack-jawed. ]

Sherlock. Those were my Army photos. I was in most of them! And we had quite a few women in the regiment.

[ Sherlock, you just perused your way along without really looking, didn’t you? No, you’re just saying that to annoy him. Good show.

John grinds his teeth momentarily. ]

What do you want for the text?

[ His gaze drops down to his phone. This not answering something right away is his infuriating way of saying he’s thinking about it or else would rather avoid the subject entirely. Bit of both. As John thumbs his way toward pulling up Sherlock’s contact number, though... ]

Sherlock.

[ Stop pacing and look at him. ]

[ He won’t. ]

Alright, type in: ‘Let’s have dinner. SH’, that sounds reasonable.

[ Lifts his eyes to the other man, lips tightening fractionally. ]

Sherlock.

Too much?

...Check your device.

[ Sherlock will tap to check, frown when it’s not there. He’ll take a few seconds to scan the room; to see it immediately on the shelf. Sherlock approaches the device and a look of sheer horror and disgust encompass him when he notices that the device is recording. The feed quickly cuts. ]

[[ OOC: HI GUYS FEEL FREE TO SPAM THIS POST WITH ~~INAPPROPRIATE~~ ~~TERRIBLE~~ DATING ADVICE FOR THE CONSULTING DETECTIVE. THIS GRATUITOUS DISPLAY OF BROMANCE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY JULYA AND EFFY: BROMANTIC PRODUCTIONS. BLUE IS SHERLOCK, BROWN IS JOHN :D ]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'd say take him someplace nice but there really isn't anywhere nice on this ship. Have you thought about using a pick-up line? Like the one about chocobos, that one's a classic.

Pick-up lines are never a good idea.

[ The first advice is free. ]

He's already done the worst. Maybe he'll get lucky and the guy'll find it cute.

[ Here is the noncommittal grunt of a man who doesn't want to think about it. ]

[ HI ZIDANE, HE HASN'T HAD A RELATIONSHIP SINCE THAT ONE SMALL BRIEF STINT IN CAMBRIDGE. In fact, hardly any relationship experience at all ]

What on earth is a pick up line?

No.

[You can hear the horror as he...talks around Sherlock, overhearing that.] How old IS he? Has he ever gone out on a date?

[ John's voice may be a little dry. ]

He's had other things to keep him busy.

How old are you?

[Shrugs...which, given the lack of action (god, that's so depressing given the context of this general post, I mean, 'lack of action') is kinda lost on John. But details.] Sixteen. Him?

How old did he look to you?

[ Not sarcastically; he's genuinely asking. ]

Hmph...tough question. I'd guess...late thirties? Hard to tell, the camera angle was awkward.

Early thirties.

Huh. [There's no good way of saying 'wow, the, well, innate Sherlockiness of Sherlock Holmes added a few years, huh?' and it's a bit besides the point anyway.] Must've had a lot to do.

[ A very soft chuckle for that. ]

VOICE;

monkeytailed - 2012-02-10 08:54 (UTC) - Expand

[ He'll look mildly offended at that; but nope. Sherlock's the type to completely filled off that area as dull and deleted it. ]

Alright, clearly - you're the master at this. How does one employ a pick-up line?

Sorry, I shouldn't make fun of a guy when he's down. [Sincerely apologetic. It's baby's first date! He should be supportive of a fellow guy as said guy navigates the channels of Romance River, down to the Lagoon of Love, hopefully to the Sea of Se-... Seduction. Be the good first mate, help the captain sail safely.]

Guess that depends. What kind of guy is this guy?

Utterly infuriating. He likes being the center of attention; I don't see what the characteristics of the person have anything to do with this "pick-up line".

John won't tell me what they are, you may have to indulge me.

Infuriating, really?

[ :D :D :D ]

You're the guy?

Generally I just go by Neal, but in this case I guess so.

Alright, video

monkeytailed - 2012-02-10 09:00 (UTC) - Expand

OH i meant just for neal, sorry! I MEAN YOU CAN CHANGE IF YOU WANT.

became - 2012-02-10 09:09 (UTC) - Expand

VIDEO, yes. Yeah, it's cool, I wanted to. It felt right. /brofist

monkeytailed - 2012-02-10 09:14 (UTC) - Expand

[ Without missing a beat ]

Most infuriating.

I'm flattered. [ ...no he is. for real, actually. ]

(no subject)

consulting - 2012-02-10 09:08 (UTC) - Expand

became - 2012-02-10 09:11 (UTC) - Expand

consulting - 2012-02-10 09:16 (UTC) - Expand

became - 2012-02-10 09:19 (UTC) - Expand

consulting - 2012-02-10 09:26 (UTC) - Expand

became - 2012-02-10 09:30 (UTC) - Expand

consulting - 2012-02-10 09:47 (UTC) - Expand

Whoa, of course it matters what kind of person they are! You can't just...talk to them the same way you'd talk to anybody.

Pick-up lines are things like... [And there's a bit of a sigh at this. Oh. Oh Sherlock. He doesn't know who you are but he's rooting for you.] "If beauty were time, you'd be eternity." Or... [And yes, every single time he says a pick-up line he perks up before going back to normality.] "Is there a chocobo nearby or is that just my heart running off?" Or... [Thinking.] "Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?"

But maybe you oughta skip those...

[ He doesn't legitimately know if those work. ]

Oh you mean, the things John uses when he tries to flirt?

[ He'll try one however. It works for John. ]

Does he? [JOHN YOU REALLY ARE THE WORST WINGMAN. Not that he knows what wingmen are. But the thought's there!]

Make sure you really mean it when you say it! Girls...and guys, they can tell if you don't mean it.

consulting - 2012-02-17 13:04 (UTC) - Expand

monkeytailed - 2012-02-17 18:33 (UTC) - Expand