[text]

[functioningperfectly]

Before I begin, I would first like to introduce myself to those who may not know me. My name is HAL 9000. I am an artificial intelligence that arrived on the Tranquility during the first jump. Like other AI aboard the ship, I have been put into a human body. Though I'm afraid I'm not as adept at functioning like a human as I would like to be, I think I am doing fairly well. If, for any reason, you find yourself on the Tranquility in a body that is not your own, or if you have any questions regarding AI in general, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would like to help anyone I can as best as I am capable. I am sorry to say that we still do not understand the process that AI and other non-humanoid life goes through when they first arrive, so I cannot tell you how I (or you) have become human.

I have some questions that I think may help us understand this ship better - or, at the very least, may help us find Captain Ward. I would like to know if we have any type of heat signature scanners aboard the ship. If the ship comes equipped with scanners for life and that sort, we may be able to use it to pinpoint the location of people in restricted zones, which may help us find some more answers.

If the ship does not, perhaps we could find a way to integrate outside technology into the main systems.

I would also like to know if we have found any way of contacting the AI that runs this ship, or the entity known as :). So far, the only thing aboard that seems to want to help us is :) - though I agree that it's no doubt dangerous to put trust into :), it seems to be our only tentative ally at this point.

I'm sure there are people already investigating all these things, and so I suppose I'm hoping for some sort of reassurance on the matter.

Comments

[testgasm]

he'll find someone to do it for him we've got a few on board with the capability

see that would make sense but no why do that when they can build potentially sentient entities and send them off to the bowels of the ship to do the dirty work

[functioningperfectly]

If they were to build AI for any purpose, the likelihood of them mastering proper sentience in their work would be very low. It would also be very ill-advised to actually create something sentient to do such dangerous work. It could be damaged or killed.

[testgasm]

these are humans we're talking about they're not thinking about those things

and if they are they don't care

we do what we must because we can remember

[functioningperfectly]

They should consider what they're thinking of doing before they do it, rather than after.

But, it may save time if someone were to get into the computer and try and download schematics.

[testgasm]

so do you have a plan

because i don't know about you but i can't interface with anything like this

[functioningperfectly]

I may be trying to think of something, but like you, it's impossible to interface with another computer as a human. However, we have better understanding of computers and technology in general than most, given what we are, so it may simply be that the reason no one has access is because we ourselves haven't tried to access it.

The technology is very different from my own, and I'm under the assumption that it's different from yours as well, to a degree that makes these things more difficult. Perhaps AM could help, though I do not know if his world's technology is at all comparable.

[testgasm]

no no leave AM out of it

[functioningperfectly]

I know you and him don't get along, but he may have some thoughts on this situation that could help us. After all, he is another AI, just like us.

[HAL 9000: proponent of the geek fallacy]

[testgasm]

HAL that's stupid that's like saying i have to be best friends with anyone whose favorite color is blue

aside from being completely useless and delusional he's also a psychopath and if you let him in on this you can count me out

[functioningperfectly]

I never meant to imply that you have to be friends with him, only that he may have some insight that we haven't considered. But, if you feel this strongly about it, we don't have to include him.

[we, of course, doesn't mean me on my own without you knowing about it maybe if it comes to it. :D]

[testgasm]

it's the same principle

trust me on this one he's bad news

[functioningperfectly]

I won't press the issue.

[testgasm]

i mean it

[functioningperfectly]

I mean it too.

[testgasm]

i mean it more

i've never been so serious about something in my entire life

1/2

[functioningperfectly]

One second.

2/2 [LOCKED] hey i never get to do iconspam with hal gimme a break

[functioningperfectly]

I'm sorry, it still takes me some time to lock conversations. I'm not used to it.

I have my own reservations about AM, given that he's very peculiar, but what has he done, precisely?

[gossip time]

[testgasm]

you mean besides being useless and creepy and nosy and invasive and purposefully instigatory with no regard for personal space

[functioningperfectly]

He may just be that way, you know. Hostile and creepy are two completely ordinary traits for a person to be. Or an AI, I suppose.

[Or, it might just be how someone who acts more like an AI feels to people who... well. Haven't been AI for a while.]

[testgasm]

okay are you forgetting that he was in cahoots with her and goes out of his way to spew her drivel about me whenever he gets a chance

[functioningperfectly]

No, I'm not forgetting that. I wouldn't forget something like that, and I hold it against him as far as when it comes to interacting with him.

[cobaltblue]

Hey man, just so you and Wheatley both know, I've got the mapping thing under control. Nobody's building new AI or anything like that. I'm just adding new code to some of the cleaning bots.

[functioningperfectly]

Thank you for the clarification. That is a relief to hear.

look at me forgetting my courier oops

[cobaltblue]

You know how... some people are. They sometimes like to blow things out of proportion. Especially things about AIs.

Just saying.

its all good either way man formatting is dumb

[functioningperfectly]

[he knows exactly what you mean, BUT....]

Some people do have a more emotional connection to AIs, and so conversations about them can be rather "emotional." I do understand, of course. We are only trying to be cautious.