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I hate to interrupt you all, but I have a little question to ask. [ no, actually, ava's quite proud of herself for interrupting the Important Shit Going Down with the captain and the "suddenly jump 19 is missing" and the literal space cowboy, if her tone of voice is any indication. ] I've been—let's go with gifted a little present from home a couple of jumps ago, and I, honestly, would have been a lot happier without it. Unfortunately, our most recent visitors didn't exactly see fit to steal it, so I'm having to resort to this.

Does anyone actually want a wedding dress?

[ she flips the camera off her face temporarily, pointing it at the… well, the top half of what is undeniably a wedding dress hanging from her closet door. it's real. promise. ]

It's an off-white silk-satin Vera Wang, size 12, from the fall 2032 collection; there's a full-length picture attached to this post just in case you want proof that it's real. If someone really does want it, you have 24 hours to claim it before I build a ritual bonfire and incinerate the damn thing, starting approximately—[ her eyes flick off-feed temporarily, checking the time on her communicator ]—now.

Attachment (1): someonetakethisstupidthing.jpg

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[ He looks equal parts amused and concerned. ]

I sincerely hope someone claims it. It seems a shame to ruin such a beautiful item by ritual bonfire, though I must say there's something appealing about the idea of the bonfire in general. [ A pause. ] I suppose if it's causing you bother, however, then it's not particularly surprising you wish to get rid of it.

The bonfire just sounded very cathartic, honestly. I'd settle for finding an industrial shredder somewhere aboard if all else fails, as long as this dress gets out of my closet posthaste.

[ said with all the deadly seriousness a teenage girl can muster, which is quite a lot. ]

Your determination to rid yourself of this item in any way possible is impressive. [ c': ] I wish you luck in achieving your cathartic ends, though I also wish your dress luck in potentially finding a new home.

Well, yes, ideally I'd find someone getting married and just foist it off on her—but honestly, who's going to voluntarily get married here? So, bonfire it is.

[ ava there are like four happy and committed couples on this ship who'd shank each other for your dress, js ]

I can think of one person, but then it would be her place to say whether she would be interested in a wedding dress or not. [ At length, ] I'm not sure if the concept of starting fires on board a spaceship will necessarily be well met, though. I'm far from educated on such matters, but a fire probably isn't the safest method of all.

Okay, seriously? If in twenty-four hours you have somehow had zero offers, I'll take it.

Congratulations, you're now taker number one. And, since you're the first volunteer, I won't even ask why you need it.

[ c: ]

[ good. ]

But if someone else wants it who's, you know, actually a size twelve girl, give it to them instead.

So far the only volunteers are both men, but I'll be sure to keep your very selfless gesture in mind.

[ flatly, in the face of that sarcasm: ]

I don't want it for me, oh my god.

Well, in that case. Is there anybody in particular I should be filtering this conversation from, or is this just wishful thinking?

[ she's still not asking why he wants it! she's just going to... badger him into telling her via sarcasm instead. nbd. ]

Um. It probably doesn't matter anyway.

[ since his intended recipient just dibs'd it. ]

I just figured, you know, if you had it altered, it could be a regular dress.

[ and here we see evidence that stiles stilinski knows literally nothing about how ladies' fashion works. ]

[ ... damn girl ]

It's- very beautiful. [ No, Pepper, your boyfriend has enough complexes without you claiming a random wedding dress, even if you explain it's just because it's so gorgeous and you wanted to rescue it. That's a line of reasoning that would only work with picking up stray dogs. ] Was it a random gift, or...?

[ "Did you have a failed engagement" is almost what Pepper asks, but no. ]

[ yes, pepper, adopt the wedding dress. take it home with you. it's exactly like picking up stray dogs, only with a culturally-loaded white dress with a lot of ruffles on the bottom. ]

No! God, no, it was for a debutante ball—which is precisely as much fun as it sounds, for the record.

And thank you. There was a lot of... external influence on the choice, but thank you. [ read as: her mom picked it out. ]

[ ava you are not making pepper into the will graham of stray wedding dresses ]

A debutante ball? I'm so sorry. [ She sounds genuinely apologetic. ] I've heard enough stories about them, and most haven't been exactly positive. Can't imagine it helps if you can't even pick what you want to wear yourself.

Edited (engriiiish) 2013-06-17 18:29 (UTC)

There was a request for women's clothes only a day or so ago. You might have managed to make your situation more advantageous, if you'd been paying a little more attention.

Thanks for your input, but this is a little bit more niche than asking if anyone has an extra pair of blue jeans.

I mean, I'm sure there's someone out there who'd volunteer to wear a wedding dress day-in, day-out, but I don't think that person is actually on this ship.

A good tailor could rework it with relative ease. I imagine even a bad tailor could hack the skirts into something more practical.

[Practical, says the dude wearing a full suit.]

It is beautiful.

Thanks, but it's still free to a good home if you want it.

I do not think I could wear that.

What about this dress has displeased you so?

[ girl it's just a dress... ]

Oh, honey. Do you want the whole list, or just the highlights?

[ she actually sounds a little sympathetic—although it's canceled out by the MASSIVE AMOUNT OF CONDESCENSION packed into that sentence, so. ]

[ oh my god she's a lannister........... ]

Surely it cannot be such a long list.

[ famous last words... ]

Did it come with a groom attached, or is he sadly absent?

[ irene sounds far too amused for that sadly to carry any weight. ]

[ in response, ava just wiggles her (ringless) left hand on the feed for a few seconds. ]

No diamonds, otherwise I'd be a lot more torn up about getting rid of it.

[ idon'tneedaman.mp3 ]

Edited (icons are hard don't judge me) 2013-06-16 03:09 (UTC)

In that case, if you've no takers I'm sure my counterpart and I can assist you in the burning of it.

[ because casually burning things is somehow their schtick ]

[A SCANDALIZED GASP]

You can't simply burn a dress. Especially one as gorgeous as that!

Please, it's not like I'm going to wear it again, and I'm even offering to put it up for adoption before actually exorcising it. Although really, I'm not sure how well tulle burns...

[ ava don't be a drama queen, you're the one who threatened to burn it on the network... ]

You can always take the fabric use it for something else. [Vera Wang means nothing to her, unless somehow her name survived THG's dystopia and she's suddenly touted as the goddess of fashion.] Burning it would be a tragedy.

[ it's not beyond Lucrezia Borgia to claim a wedding dress, especially one beautiful as that one but she remembers her own wedding dress well enough. Beautiful, it was and she would burn it if she saw it again. ]

Are there bad memories attached to it?

Mm. I'd probably use the word 'traumatic' or 'humiliating', but you could put it that way if you were feeling charitable.

[ ava feels charitable approximately never, so. ]

Then I would burn it as well, as beautiful as it may be. Beautiful things are still a cruel memory at times.

Don't burn it.

[ Because BONFIRE IN SPACE IS A REALLY BAD IDEA come on you guys ]

Get someone to airlock it for you.

I would find some scissors and cut it to pieces instead, but it needs to be exorcised more than anything.

[ because that's not hyperbolic at all nope—and then a sudden, horrible perking-up. ]

Do we have access to the airlocks, though?

[ say no. SAY NO. ]

The flight crew must. [ And then quickly: ] But, scissors. [ Firmly. Pointedly. ] Use the scissors.

Darling, don't burn it. It's beautiful. I'd take it in a heartbeat, get it put to good use. Just because I can't get married doesn't mean nobody else can.

Honestly? If you want it, it's yours, and many happy returns to the couple insane enough to get married while they're here of all places.

And—well, I would say thank you, but my mother was the one who actually had final say on the design. [ not that she's bitter or anything. nope. ]

I'm disappointed it's not more common. Desperate people in desperate circumstances--it should be bringing everyone together. It should be like a grim end of the world romance every day around here, making every last second count, like in the movies.

I'm guessing you and your mother don't get on?

Did you say Vera Wang? [Because one needs to ask important questions around here]

[ attached is one (1) picture of the inside label. ]

If I'd realized this was going to be exactly like posting on those online auction sites, I'd have taken better pictures—but yes, it's Vera Wang.

Mind me trying it on? Only I died before the whole finding someone to marry and all. [Not that a wedding was on Alex's Kicked the Bucket List, but it wouldn't hurt to add it.]

[ a vera wang dress though. WHY IS IT IN A SIZE TWELVE. ]

If you burn that, every woman on this ship has a right to consider burning you. [ that's not how we make friends lydia???? ] You know what, I don't even care that I probably can't fit a size twelve. [ because she's smaller thank you very much. ] If no one is taking that dress I'll take it right off your hands.

[ a beat. ] Did the actual Vera Wang make it? Or is this one of those Prada situations where it's still in the family but the actual namesake is dead?

[ dammit. ]

The fabric is beautiful. [ but she can't possibly ask to have it.] You shouldn't destroy it.

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[ video ] really b/c it looks like GRR ANTIHERO GRIMACE to me........

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