( 07 ) text ✵ i used to seek pleasure when i was a young girl i used to drink ale

[stacked]

[ usually faith wouldn't bother with text, but she's not trusting herself to deal with this latest fantastic life choice over anything else.

( or deal with it totally sober, but that was taken care of hours ago. ) ]

so everybody's got a hardon right now for life stories and destiny or whatever. like any of it matters, because fate either has a jacked up sense of humor or it went out for cigarettes freaking years ago.

in case you lived someplace nice before now welcome to being like the rest of us, the world's shitty all around and then you kick off and that's about as good as you can get out of the deal.

so screw it. sitting around worrying about that shit gets you killed. fuck fate, fuck destiny. you got two options: do something or don't, and sitting around whining like a pussy isn't getting whatever you got on the books done.

[ that part is directed at herself. so is the whole post honestly, because why not dump her purse out all over the network.

also on that jarring, unfinished end note she's out, mic drops and so on. ]

Comments

text;

[puppydogeyes]

What are you doing?

[Mostly concerned this is 'I'm going to run off into the ship' message from yet another person.]

text;

[stacked]

just talking some shit out, boss. no drama promise.

[ oddly faith is the last person to worry about that with now

any other worries are still needed lbr ]

text;

[puppydogeyes]

Still seems like drama.
Quiet drama.

text;

[stacked]

just thinking out loud is all. i'm good.

text;

[puppydogeyes]

You feeling like you've got to talk out loud about shit like this isn't what good looks like, Faith.
Don't want to talk to me about it, that's fine.
But don't try to bullshit me.

text; i hate you and this and them

[stacked]

just a weird month is all. i'll be good, that okay to say?

text; lorisface

[puppydogeyes]

Okay.
You need any help getting good, you know where I am.

text; pathetic attempt at locked + half hour gap | haaaaaaaaaaaaate

[stacked]

pirates weirded me out. my whole deal was i wasn't supposed to kill anybody anymore if i was gonna be good again.

[ so many issues ]

text; encrypted 95%

[puppydogeyes]

[There's another long pause on Taylor's end. She isn't good at this shit. She's a soldier, not a therapist, but she needs to be there for her team. Eventually, she bumps the lock and sends,]

What's a slayer meant to do?

text; encrypted 95%

[stacked]

do whatever her watcher says kick some demon ass and die so the next chick gets her turn at the wheel.

[ faith's life has been so awesome okay SO AWESOME ]

text; encrypted 95%

[puppydogeyes]

Just demons?
Why?

[She knows all about following orders without question, without ever knowing the underlying motivation. But that isn't the situation they're in now.]

text; encrypted 95%

[stacked]

the law is for humans. demons don't give a shit about laws and they'd just shred through cops like paper.

a slayer takes care of the creepy nightime shit nobody else can handle.

[ some of faith's weird sense of exceptionalism is less ego and more desperate clinging to indoctrination. ]

text; encrypted 95%

[puppydogeyes]

Because they told you to?
Because you just want to kill shit?
Because you've got nothing else to do?
Why do you do it.

text; encrypted 95%

[stacked]

you got a few hours to waste? long story kind of deal.

short version is nobody else can. not like a slayer.

text; encrypted 95%

[puppydogeyes]

That isn't what I'm asking, Faith.
Why do YOU do it.

[Taylor's got a good idea how hard it is to separate self from something like that, but they're in a place that allows for it. Both of them. And they still ended up where they are, now.]

voice; encrypted 95%

[stacked]

[ after trying to work out how to type her thoughts on this one, faith finally sighs and switches to voice. ]

Complicated question, Bosslady. You mean like now? Or back when they first told me?

[ because those are two very different answers. ]

voice; encrypted 95%

[puppydogeyes]

Now's what matters more.

[She thinks, anyway.]

voice; encrypted 95%

[stacked]

Kinda-- but not really, either. I did some pretty fucked up stuff with the power they handed me. Back then I liked having any power at all, you know? Like, I was always kind of a shitkicker. Got tossed out of school for smashing a kid's head in-- anger issues and all. Then some British chick handed me all these weapons and said I might save the world someday and it was supposed to be about that noble destiny crap but all I really got from it was nobody was ever gonna be able to screw with me again.

voice; encrypted 95% OF 2 SURPRISE nr i forgot the 1/2

[stacked]

Now, it's like-- I killed people, you know? I almost helped th-- [ the mayor ] helped end the freaking world.

Still not sold on the destiny thing, and I know saving the whole world's a joke. But somebody's gotta fight the good fight, and I got a lotta bad to make up for.

voice; encrypted 95%

[puppydogeyes]

[Taylor may not be great at talking herself, but she can listen. There's a pause after Faith is done, just taking in everything, working it through before she responds. The story's familiar. It's not Taylor's, but she'd known other girls, ones that excelled in the Academy's walls, came from harder places and loved everything the instructors wanted to feed them.

But she doesn't think Faith wants any sympathy - it's reassurance Taylor's trying to find, here. The solid kind. Not empty words.]

So you had that chance to save the whole world - save this whole ship - you'd take it?

voice; encrypted 95%

[stacked]

...this a trick question? Yeah, of course.

[ give her a second. ]

voice; encrypted 95%

[puppydogeyes]

If that meant killing someone?

[Or multiple someones, as the situation had been.]

voice; encrypted 95%

[stacked]

Honest to god? I dunno, boss. I just--

[ she sighs. ]

You wouldn't have hired the chick I was, back when I killed people. Not sure I should give her a comeback tour.

voice; encrypted 95%

[puppydogeyes]

[There's a pause, like Taylor isn't sure if she's lost the thread of thinking. If she's lost Faith in it too, if she's even getting her point across.]

It isn't about you killing, Faith. It's about you protecting.

voice; encrypted 95%

[stacked]

Yeah, but what if whatever the weird-ass switch inside me that flips is doesn't know that?

[ she inhales, heavy. ]

I mean, Wes and me had a standing agreement he'd be the dude take me out if I ever starting offing people again. Everybody's always just kinda... looped with killing people in with the rest, gotta go cold turkey style.