ataraxion | [video]

Well, hey there folks.

[The Mayor sits in his room, smiling cheerfully down at his communicator. He's a nice-looking man with a friendly voice and a kindly demeanor.]

Wow - what an adventure, huh? [He raises a hand to forestall arguments.] Now, before anyone gets mad at me, I'm not saying, "Gee, it's great to be here." I've got plenty to get back to - heck, I'm the mayor of the greatest city there is, and I don't want it to have to get along without me! But that doesn't make this anything less than an adventure, and I say even if we're mad or sad or something we still make the best of it.

So let's start out with introductions! "We all already know each other," you're probably all groaning, and I say to that, settle down, let me catch up a little. I'm Mayor Richard Wilkins of Sunnydale. And I'm really glad to meet each and every one of you, and I'm looking forward to having more adventures with you all!

And now it's your turn. Be nice to me, and step forward and tell me your name and what you do here.

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I heard a little bit about it. Hey -

[His face lights up a little bit.]

Now, I know I'm not supposed to spoil myself and all that, and I know I'll probably seem totally uncool for asking. But Ross and Rachel - do those kids ever end up getting together?

You could try the kitchens, but you may not have a lot of luck. But I do have mini peanut butter cups, if you want some.

Take a breather, dude, just tellin' you how it is. The whole Mayor authority gig isn't gonna get you anywhere.

[And the Mayor's face immediately falls. Immediately, he looks worried. And he says, grimly:]

Well, now. That's a face I know - mostly from wanted posters.

Have you told the people here what you've done?

[Harder for you to hit him in his credibility, Buffy, if he works to undermine yours right away]

[ If Josh said he wasn't involved in a Friends finale themed party, he would be lying. It's a fond memory. ]

I don't know, man, that's a pretty heavy responsibility. I'm not sure I want to ruin the surprise. What year are you from, anyway? Thats - what, pre-two thousand... three, four?

I'm coming here from 1999. My next question's going to be about the Y2K bug, but I have to get this one out of the way first.

Now, if I didn't know better, I might think you have a problem with authority. Here I am, just telling people what I do for a living, and you're getting hostile.

An understandable misapprehension, as I have indeed passed a good deal of time, at one time or another, within Britain's shores, and on some occasions have passed for one of her citizens. But in truth I have no avowed allegiance to any nation on your [suburban nightmare of a ] planet.

[ outright aggression isn't going to work here for her, she knows, so while her face might say 'screw you, buddy', she keeps her tone disgustingly saccharine. ]

What, no happy reunion hug? [ the feigned sweetness transitions to something more cool fairly quickly, however. ] Yeah, sure. My imaginary criminal record and I are a total open book around here.

[ Y2K holy shit blast from the past!! Have a grin. ]

Of course they get together. In the last episode. Believe me, it was a very stressful few years.

And sorry to disappoint, but Y2K was a bust. But - 1999? Seriously? Monica Lewinsky jokes aren't even old for you yet, are they?

What can I say, maybe I don't appreciate bein' told what kinda language to use. [ pause. deep breaths, dean. ] But okay, let's talk about what you do for a living then. Hostility out the window, and all.

Hey now.

[His chiding is lighthearted, but that doesn't mean he doesn't mean it.]

I don't much care for talking about all that nonsense. That man disgraced his office and brought filth into the home where children can see it. It all made you shake your head.

Good.

[He nods like he doesn't doubt her. Like it isn't all false.]

Because the vampires here are fine, upstanding citizens, from everything I've seen. It won't do to have you pulling your standard violence here.

On my planet? Hey - you don't mean you're an alien!

You know...I don't know if I've ever tried those before.

Chocolate and peanut butter. They're pretty delicious.

Let me clarify something - I wasn't telling; I was asking. [He holds up a hand, a sort of whoa nelly gesture.] I don't like that language, and I don't like it being used where kids can hear it. Whatever you do on your own time is your own business; I'm just asking you don't curse at me.

But let's talk about it. I'll be happy to. You ever been to California, son?

Edited 2013-03-13 00:00 (UTC)

[ standard violence. she's torn between chortling and scowling at the statement, but settles for something neutral in its place. ]

Considering they're not really the crazed blood lusty bite first and ask later types? [ from what she's seen so far, at least. either way, it's still a step up from sunnydale's vamp populace. ] Mark this as the first time we've ever actually agreed on anything.

[ which means she feels like she needs ten showers now. ]

[ Danger, Will Robinson. ]

Ooo-kay. [ Thanks, grandpa, but hey, everyone's entitled. ] I can see you feel strongly about this, but yes, I guess that's one way of putting it.

If it helps, the presidents since then have mostly stuck to things like the invasion of privacy and warmongering - you know, the classics.

Right. [ whatever.

no but srsly, don't you son him. his smile is bordering on the most fake. ]

Sure, yeah. Guessin' this Sunnydale place is some neat, teeny-weeny town there, huh? I mean, I've never heard of it.

Oh, hey now!

[You not going to be chirpy, Buffy? Let Mayor Wilkins be double-chirpy for the both of you.]

I don't think that's true at all! Like, here: "children are the future." Bet we're both agreed on that one, aren't we?

[And, brightly again:]

Now, that's one I definitely don't want you to spoil me on! I shouldn't know who wins the presidency. That'd give me an unfair advantage!

Oh, we've got about forty thousand bright, sunny faces. And the greatest beaches you'll ever see!

You know, I don't think I'm going to be able to say no to that.

Ain't that nice. But no town's without a few bad apples.

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