ataraxion | ╰xx6╮[video]

[ Time for another lovely PA post from Tranquility's resident insensitive jerk. Except, this time, the video isn't as focused as normal; it bounces a little with each step he takes and only shows glimpses of green. The thick, pretty dense parts of the Oxygen Garden. ]

I keep saying it over and over, and I don't think people are getting the idea yet. [ A huff. ] No one has it easy--I understand that. Every jump brings a new group of people here, and it's the same boring shit.

I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home. This place is dangerous. Maybe it is, yeah. But has anyone ever considered actually trying to make it work instead of just, I dunno. Looking for a way to leave?

[ The aggravation isn't wearing off this time. He's had a bad jump, and when he sets his device aside, tucked somewhere up in a tree so he can look into it, his face is pretty pale. Bells seems anxious, unsure. He bites at his lip. ]

I mean, it's not the worst place. Right? There are things, people worth needing to be here for. And what if - [ He visibly swallows, looking down at something he's holding in his hands. ] - what if you're pretty damn sure home doesn't wanna have you back anyway? The message is kinda clear when someone you thought who'd never, fuck. Someone who you figured would never say something like that to you has said what they think without even being here.

[ Rambling now, and his fingers tremble as he lifts the gun into view. It hangs limply for a second, then he curls his hand around it. Tight enough so that his knuckles are white with the pressure. Bells steps closer to the device, snatching it and bringing it close to his face. The barrel, now, is pressed hard beneath his jaw.]

None of you have any fucking idea. This isn't the worst it could be.

[ He drops the device, and just as the video is cut, the sound of the gun discharging can be heard. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You sure change your tone quickly.

Not really. Just thinking a little more clearly now.

Normally, trying to blow your own brains out tends to fuck up your thinking.

I wasn't trying to kill myself. Otherwise, I would have done it. [ He looks down. ] Maybe it is backwards, but it helped.

Whatever makes you feel better at the end of the fucking day.

[But he's silently agreeing because he's experienced it enough to know that after a while, dying and coming back to life really does put things in perspective.]

It's not like we have a lot of options on this damn boat anyway. So, uh. Yeah.

You should find a new way to kill time then.

Maybe. I'm open to whatever suggestions you might have.

Shooting shit that isn't yourself or other people could be one.

I already told you I wasn't gonna shoot myself. But I, uh. I did shoot one of the trees though.

Go to the shooting range next time.

[He's only saying it because people like Nill - okay, really he's only concerned about Nill here - actually spend time in the gardens and he doesn't want a stray bullet hitting her.]

╰xx6╮[video]

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