ataraxion | ╰xx6╮[video]

[ Time for another lovely PA post from Tranquility's resident insensitive jerk. Except, this time, the video isn't as focused as normal; it bounces a little with each step he takes and only shows glimpses of green. The thick, pretty dense parts of the Oxygen Garden. ]

I keep saying it over and over, and I don't think people are getting the idea yet. [ A huff. ] No one has it easy--I understand that. Every jump brings a new group of people here, and it's the same boring shit.

I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home. This place is dangerous. Maybe it is, yeah. But has anyone ever considered actually trying to make it work instead of just, I dunno. Looking for a way to leave?

[ The aggravation isn't wearing off this time. He's had a bad jump, and when he sets his device aside, tucked somewhere up in a tree so he can look into it, his face is pretty pale. Bells seems anxious, unsure. He bites at his lip. ]

I mean, it's not the worst place. Right? There are things, people worth needing to be here for. And what if - [ He visibly swallows, looking down at something he's holding in his hands. ] - what if you're pretty damn sure home doesn't wanna have you back anyway? The message is kinda clear when someone you thought who'd never, fuck. Someone who you figured would never say something like that to you has said what they think without even being here.

[ Rambling now, and his fingers tremble as he lifts the gun into view. It hangs limply for a second, then he curls his hand around it. Tight enough so that his knuckles are white with the pressure. Bells steps closer to the device, snatching it and bringing it close to his face. The barrel, now, is pressed hard beneath his jaw.]

None of you have any fucking idea. This isn't the worst it could be.

[ He drops the device, and just as the video is cut, the sound of the gun discharging can be heard. ]

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[Relief floods his expression, although he's still concerned. Maybe even angry. Faster than writing, Mikelo opts to type.]

It helps when I need to get someones attention.

What the hell were you doing?

[ The video is still pretty shaky, though steadier. A hint that he's calming down. ]

I dunno. Something stupid, I guess.

I didn't know you had a gun.

Yeah... [ He trails off, and when his face comes into view, his eyes are red. ] I, uh. I got it on the jump. It belongs to someone I know.

[He bites his tongue to hold back any pressing he may wish to do.]

Ah.

[It's unsettling, however. He goes quiet for a moment or so, not sure what to say..]

I'm glad you're not injured.
You scared me.

I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to do. Everything's beyond fucked up.

I don't have any answers, either.

[His brow knits, a frown curling at his lips.]

But I can listen.

Not much to listen to. It's probably stuff you've heard before anyway.

Says who? If it's about you, there's only so much I'm aware of.

[ He shrugs, rubbing at his face. ]

I meant in general. What would you do if you couldn't go back home?

[Ah. . .]

I'd miss my dance troupe and our performances greatly. [a bit of a wistful smile crosses his expression. Maybe a slight, albeit silent, laugh. The following is clearly mentioned fondly. Even that stupid, run down dance studio.

[He lets out a sigh, eyes closed with a slight shake of his head.]

I'd adapt, though. Do what I can to get by, take care of myself. If. . . I couldn't go home again, I'd learn to accept this place, even if it frightened or upset me.

I don't mean because we're stuck. It's like-- [ He bites his lip, not sure how to explain. ] No one's gonna need me there. I guess I was expecting too much to think it'd change by being here.

Like I said, it's stupid. All of this is stupid.

[Oh. Well. . .]

I wish I understood more. You're sure you wouldn't be?

A gun with one bullet? I think the message is pretty clear.

[ It's said matter-of-fact, not bitter or sad or reluctant to admit it. Just a statement he's seemed to accept. There's a weak smile. ]

[Yeah, that is rather clear. It still upsets him.]

Will you be okay, Bells?

[He's not sure what else to really say, but a sort of sadness is in his gaze. Worried. Bells is pretty much the closest person he has to a friend on this damned ship, maybe even in general.]

I dunno. Probably. [ There's a quick breath, running his hands through his hair. When he speaks, the words are sort of low. ] Sorry if I, uh, scared you.

[Just a small nod at first.]

Well. If you ever wanna talk, you can come to me, if you feel like it.

[This is a little new to him, but he does want to try.]

Yeah, I can do that. [ It's not as if he's good at this type of thing either. ] But maybe later? If you're free or something.

Sure, that's fine.

╰xx6╮[video]

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