anon video;

[rhymeswithdeath]

[The feed flicks on, revealing a young, blond woman, chilling in some hallway in a...bat-costume? She's grinning pretty widely for someone who's supposed to be dark as the (k)night.]

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's—[dramatic pause]—sure as hell a giant, creepy spaceship because Superman you ain't. [She sighs, grin disappearing in favor of a more deadpan expression.]

So, hey, I'm new, but let's skip the mental breakdowns, freak outs, where is "x", have you seen my "y," I am scared, blah blah, wah wah, yadda yadda, etcetera, ad naseum [dismissive wave] and go straight to introductions and pleasantries.

Hey, space people. I'm Batgirl. The real deal, even — see, I come fully equipped with Batarangs, witty retorts, and everything. Yeah, yeah, I've snooped through the network. Done a little detecting, as they say. I've heard rumors of comics and fourthwalls; don't worry. If I'm fictional where you're from, then I will be available for autographs upon request. The one thing I ask of you is pretty please: no spoilers. I happen to like surprises.

Anyway, I also like coffee and waffles, especially in delicious conjunction, rooftop tag, crime fighting, and, of course, justice.

I'm sure you've seen my spooky boss-man's pseudo-vandalism, but I figured I should put the word out in my own way: call me, beep me, if you want to text me; that's a-okay. I'll be there whenever you need me, as cheesy as that sounds. It's part of the super-gig. You can ask questions and/or heckle now, I guess. Do whatever floats your boat. I'll be here aaaaaaall week.

Comments

[voice]

[jurisimpudent]

[R u serious]

You provide quite the contrast to your "boss-man."

[anon video]

[rhymeswithdeath]

We compliment each other like that.

Team work makes the dream work, y'know?

[voice forever]

[jurisimpudent]

I see.

I hope this will not be taken amiss, madam, but is he aware that he's one half of this "dream team"?

[anon video forever!!]

[rhymeswithdeath]

Yes. We hang out and chat about justice all the time.

[jurisimpudent]

...We are talking about the same person, correct? The fellow who calls himself "Bat-Man"?

[rhymeswithdeath]

Uh-huh.

It may seem hard to believe, but we get along pretty well. Like I said before, we're foils; we compliment each other.

[jurisimpudent]

Quite.

The same fellow who said to me, without any prevarication or reservation, that he works alone.

[rhymeswithdeath]

[shrugs] He's bad at friendship.

Plus, I just got here, so he might have been flying solo for a while.

[jurisimpudent]

[There's a slight sigh - but even Miles Edgeworth, Ace Jerkface, isn't about to try to push her into admitting that this Bat-Man doesn't like her. So instead:]

Would you kindly give me your definition of "justice"?

[rhymeswithdeath]

[Actually, he's been pretty welcoming — nicer than the Batman hardened by years of vigilantism, anyway.]

Saving anyone in danger. Locking up people who intend to/try to harm others.

I'm pretty solidly behind the American justice system, even though it has its faults.

[jurisimpudent]

And what would you say those faults are, madam?

[rhymeswithdeath]

Mainly stuff to do with human error and capabilities.

It's really bogged down, y'know? There's always a huge backlog of cases. Plus, there's class bias and stuff involved with the judging of those cases. And don't even get me started on how much a good lawyer costs. [She knows. Her dad spent way too much money on them.]

And then there's the fact that real, dangerous criminals, somehow keep getting back on the street.

[jurisimpudent]

[Okay Batgirl

He thought he was gonna be super-annoyed by you

But you're actually starting to win +20 approval

He gently prods her to speak a bit more:]

A terrible thing indeed.

[rhymeswithdeath]

And it's the most important thing, too.

I mean, I know no jury is going to be one-hundred percent fair, and that the backlog is kind of unavoidable, in order to do things semi-fairly, but...keeping people safe is the most important thing, and it's not happening.

So I guess that's part of why I do this. Sometimes, the worst people imaginable slip through the cracks. They fool a jury, they pay their way out of jail — they get back on the street.

And no cop or lawyer can stop them, so someone else has to.

[jurisimpudent]

[Rein it in girl]

Well. The mere fact that perhaps they were not stopped by a "cop or a lawyer" does not make us incapable, you're aware.

[rhymeswithdeath]

Not incapable, no, but nobody's perfect, right? Like I said, people slip through the cracks.

[jurisimpudent]

So does that not speak, rather, to the necessity of reform? Of the refinement and perfection of the legal system?

[rhymeswithdeath]

There's no such thing as a perfect system, in my opinion.

[jurisimpudent]

As of yet, no. But I should say that the system is perfectible.

[rhymeswithdeath]

And I would disagree, but to each their own.

[jurisimpudent]

Hmph. So it's that pessimism that leads you to this illegitimate action?

[rhymeswithdeath]

No, it isn't. My thing is hope. Hope for a better future; hope for anyone and everyone who wants it.

My turn to ask questions: is your thing lecturing people? Or are you an aspiring psychologist trying to pry into the mind of the vigilante?

[jurisimpudent]

[Sorry Batgirl all you get is a:]

Prosecutor.

[And then right back to:]

But I must disagree. "Hope" would mean working within the system, not abandoning it to pursue instead vigilantism.

[rhymeswithdeath]

Uh. You might want to get your facts straight.

We work with the police most of the time. In fact, they call us for help when they need it.

[jurisimpudent]

[He frowns, disapproving.]

They call you? That's absurd. Indeed, that's quite thoroughly unethical on their parts.