ataraxion | anon video;

[The feed flicks on, revealing a young, blond woman, chilling in some hallway in a...bat-costume? She's grinning pretty widely for someone who's supposed to be dark as the (k)night.]

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's—[dramatic pause]—sure as hell a giant, creepy spaceship because Superman you ain't. [She sighs, grin disappearing in favor of a more deadpan expression.]

So, hey, I'm new, but let's skip the mental breakdowns, freak outs, where is "x", have you seen my "y," I am scared, blah blah, wah wah, yadda yadda, etcetera, ad naseum [dismissive wave] and go straight to introductions and pleasantries.

Hey, space people. I'm Batgirl. The real deal, even — see, I come fully equipped with Batarangs, witty retorts, and everything. Yeah, yeah, I've snooped through the network. Done a little detecting, as they say. I've heard rumors of comics and fourthwalls; don't worry. If I'm fictional where you're from, then I will be available for autographs upon request. The one thing I ask of you is pretty please: no spoilers. I happen to like surprises.

Anyway, I also like coffee and waffles, especially in delicious conjunction, rooftop tag, crime fighting, and, of course, justice.

I'm sure you've seen my spooky boss-man's pseudo-vandalism, but I figured I should put the word out in my own way: call me, beep me, if you want to text me; that's a-okay. I'll be there whenever you need me, as cheesy as that sounds. It's part of the super-gig. You can ask questions and/or heckle now, I guess. Do whatever floats your boat. I'll be here aaaaaaall week.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

You know, it's very hard to know what's a spoiler when you don't tell us what issue you're from.

[ oooooh, you're Harvey "babysitter of" Mike "broke the star treks" Ross ]

Good point.

I'm post-"kicking the Cluemaster's ass for the first time since his lame-o return." See also, Batgirl beats Black Mercy and teams up with assorted, badass lady-heroes

[This would be the time that he needs Mike because Mike would probably know exactly what volume and issue Batgirl is from. Goddammit why are they avoiding each other.]

Wasn't your name, The Spoiler? We're veering into meta territory here.

[Also, you remind him of Donna. Which means that they should never ever meet lest the universe explodes.]

[she looks a little taken aback. she hadn't expected regular people to actually be fans; let alone, hot people.

the autograph thing was a joke. the spoiler warning (ha), a necessary precaution.]

I live in meta territory, but I'm afraid I can't answer your first question. Secret identities and whatnot. I'm sure you understand.

... Batgirl. [ a curious little headtilt. ] Would it be rude to ask if that's just a moniker, or any reflection of your actual abilities?

[ this is a serious question okay ]

I'm not sure what to think of this.

[ he is just sayin' okay. fucking fourth walls hurt him every time he comes close. ]

[ and this serious question earns a cheerful myself in return ] It's mostly just a monicker. We kind of have a non-lethal weapon theme that goes with it, and some fancy symbolism involved in its meaning, but no super powers to speak of, if that's what you mean.

I'm not sure how to make this any easier to understand.

Just one question, doll.

Why bats?

In general? That's more the boss-man's area, but the short version is: it's spooky and has special memories associated with it.

For me, personally? It's a legacy thing. It has history that I can get behind, you know?

Dunno 'bout spooky. They're kinda cute. [ When they're not pooping everywhere, anyway. Growing up in a cave means dealing with a lot of guano. ]

So dressin' up like a bat's a normal thing where you're from?

Not exactly, but it's...not completely crazy.

On the crazy scale, it's about a five.

[ nervous child with no knowledge of Batgirl looking nervous ]

Umm... can I ask you a question, Signorina Batgirl? If, um, if your "spooky boss-man" is a vandal, do you bring him to justice too?

Outta four? [ He teases. ] Kiddin'. Though that explains somethin' 'bout Mr. I'm Watchin' You. Don't gotta sleep upside down too, do ya?

Aah, I see! [ a sheepish little laugh, hand rubbing at his jaw. ] I'm sorry, that must have sounded like an awfully silly question. But given how amazing some of the people here can be, I couldn't be sure.

you weren't kidding on the retorts.

[Even in space...]

Not to sound rude or... dismissive of the way you fight the good fight, but is this really gonna be a thing? The whole... costumed superhero thing. 'Cause I'm just... really not seeing it.

[Mildly:]

I hope this isn't the start of a trend.

I just--

[ a nervous laugh. fourth walls why. ]

Well, at least you're exactly like the Batgirl I remember reading about.

[R u serious]

You provide quite the contrast to your "boss-man."

Well, after carefully considering the persuasive argument against it you just made, I'd have to agree.

[someone's wearing their sarcasm pants]

I think it's a pretty fair question. I mean, most other "heroes" in spandex have superpowers.

[she giggles]

This is actually my way of doing that, kiddo.

why thank you, my good man/lady

As in I'm effortlessly charming, unbelievably witty, and full of moxie? Just like my comic counterpart?

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